Congratulations, otoole, on your fiftieth anniversary. What an achievement!
Like you, my DH and I have not celebrated our anniversary and, indeed, have forgotten some! However, we had a big hotel celebration for our silver wedding (partly to make up for the cheap and cheerful wedding) and invited our family and friends. In three weeks’s time We are going to have a big party at home with a hog roast and a fancy cake for our ruby anniversary. Both times we sent invitations and made sure the family knew, not to ask for presents but to help us celebrate. The cards were nice to keep, though.
I think you have to publicise in advance.