Husband does not want a party

So after all of that, as we got into bed tonight he turned to me and said that maybe dinner at the girls would be ok. I swear that man will do my head in.... good thing i am ridiculously fond of him

No, no, no. He doesn't want it.
Let it go please.

Just read your last post Kartush. Sorry.
I have to say I feel he's doing it out of love for you all.... I say this as I can see myself in his position.
Have a nice, quiet, loving time.

I haven't read the thread. I'm answering the OP.

I think it is unreasonable for other people to want to involve someone who doesn't want to celebrate his birthday in any kind of "do". The OP's husband has made his feelings about what he wants and doesn't want perfectly clear.

I think many adults make far too much fuss about birthdays. Kids are different, of course.

it sounds like he feels ganged up on, and that he has to make a concession as you all let him off the original party.
why can't you just accept him for who he is.
that would be a real present to him.
the opening piece about his sister sounds as if he has not enough justification to get out of celebrating on that account.
it is all wrong. if you are very fond of him, it must be for the whole him, not as if he is a favoured pet.
he doesn't want a party or a dinner or any special do.
let him have what he wants. on his birthday. put his mind at ease that you all will not keep trying to pressurise him into doing something you want.
it's his day. he is king. for one day.

Thank you all for your comments as always I find alot of them insightful. In closing I think that I should just say that in the 48 years that we have been together I have never ever seen my husband be pressured into doing anything he does not want to do, not even for love, it is just not in his nature.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I sabotaged a friend's surprise party arrangements by announcing I was going away for my birthday.

My daughter told me in advance because she knew I would absolutely loathe it.

Maybe your husband is afraid it might turn out to be the dreaded “Surpriiiiiise!”

That's what I was thinking.

I doubt he truly wants a dinner for his birthday. He just may want to make you and the daughters happy.
It is him to be truly fond of you and his children.

I would just tell him: it is your birthday and you tell me what you want - just you want" Don't give him any suggestion and drop it. If he brings up anything, that's the plan to follow.
If he doesnt mention anything again, just a normal day will be the plan.

Well said, hithere. It’s amazing how many people just don’t get the idea of letting bloody birthdays just pass with NO fuss at all.

I was 70 at the end of last year. My request was no cooking so DH took me out to our favourite restaurant. Perfect meal. Walk on beach in moonlight afterwards and back home.

Best birthday ever. No surprises. Hate them.

It really isn't appropriate at the moment during the pandemic, particularly if he has health problems.
My DH doesn't like birthday celebrations either, if he's agreeable we have had immediate family and maybe his best friend, but certainly not this year. We haven't even seen close family since March.

At 70 surely he's earned the right to do what he wants on his birthday.

For those in the family that don't agree that's their problem to address rather than putting pressure on someone they love to do something they don't actually want to do.

Some people revel in attention and some don’t need to. It is his Birthday, and he is probably a bit wary in case a “surprise!” party is sprung upon him. My sister in law is 70 next Saturday and doesn’t want a fuss, so fair play.
In these situations it’s useful to respect their wishes, it’s not all about us or our children and we want.
I do hope he has a lovely Birthday.

My thoughts exactly kittylester. A party is not possible at the moment.

Hi there I love a good party and gathering family and friends together we should celebrate as much as we can in this uncertain time but if your husband doesn't want a gathering for his 70th then just go with it buy him gifts obviously something that he needs/would like and have a meal together to celebrate..Hope all goes well on the day whatever happens good luck..?

Fully understand how your OH feels, my 70th at the end of this year, also 50th wedding anniversary next March. I have told my family and close friends I want NO fuss for either, although with all these restrictions in the North, with possibly more put in place tomorrow, the chance would be a fine thing!! People may think me miserable, but each to their own choice........

If you are in UK then the Rule of 6 applies...if in US do you really want to be known as a "Superspreader" of the virus.
It's your husbands birthday so let him decide!

I’m not much of a party person, so told family that I really didn’t want any fuss for my not very long ago 70th.

However, dds and dh went ahead regardless and booked a very large house for a weekend, big enough for some far-flung family to stay, too.
I was told at least a week beforehand, and must admit that I did enjoy the get-together - esp. the far flung lot who we rarely see. It was all very relaxed, and I wasn’t allowed to do any cooking!

In answer to your question AIBU? Yes. It’s his birthday, he doesn’t want a fuss. I held a dance for my 60th birthday and felt it was an extremely expensive waste of money. I was so anxious that everything went well I didn’t enjoy it myself. Last month I was 70 and I had a fabulous time. I spent the day with my husband, daughter and family - 6 of us. Had a delicious meal and didn’t have to worry about anything. Let him do what he wants.

I'm wondering where you live that parties are permissable - Australia or NZ? If he doesn't want one, don't do it. When he says no, it doesn't sound like he really means yes.

Last year I had a zero birthday. Very compact family lunch was organised in a favourite venue. At check-in I was told 'your guests have arrived' whereupon additional family members appeared out of the surrounding area. Very well managed, I must say. Now, had I been given this option, I would have rejected it out of hand. Too much fuss and bother. However, I concede I was wrong on this occasion and did indeed have a crazier memorable day. Oh yesssss..... As I an aside, I wonder if anyone could enlighten me as to why we make zeros SO special? I love them all. I asssume it was a totally commercial gambit originally and we all ended up suckered in.

I actually think it’s his 70th birthday and he should decide how he wants to spend his day! It’s HIS birthday after all isn’t it,

Why do people always highjack others' celebrations? Is he really not allowed to do want he wants on HIS birthday? Give him a break for God's sake!