How do you forgive?

I’m an elephant! I cannot forgive or forget things.

Kate1949, I don’t know your story, but you say your childhood was horrendous, I am very forgiving I know that. , however children being neglected or abused makes me feel sick and angry. To take a child’s childhood away and replace it with fear, I too would find unforgiveable as well. Animals look after their young it’s instinctive to protect those we give birth to and love. I do so hope you have found happiness and confidence in yourself, despite your awful start in life. I think the best way of dealing with such abusers, is not give them any thought time, hard I know, to rehash makes you relive, despite counsellors wanting to keep talking it all out, it’s like picking scabs. They were in the wrong, big time, shame on them. ?,

Thank you Sparkling. I've posted some of it in here from time to time. Gransnet is the best therapy! My parents had children because they were Catholic and didn't practice birth control. For no other reason. No love, affection, encouragement, as well as violence and neglect. Some people should never have children.

Just to add, we were fed and clothed.

To be a nurturing parent it helps if you in turn have been nurtured lovingly. It is so sad that many haven’t and this can cause ongoing problems, which it is possible to overcome with help and awareness, but can be difficult.

I have observed that those who are consistently unkind to others may have unresolved difficulties themselves.

If you are the recipient of bad behaviour it can be very hurtful. From my own experience I have found that if I try and understand, and yes forgive the behaviour (bearing in mind I am far from perfect) it is the least damaging route to take, and helps my own mental health.

You have to give yourself the space to heal. Your current black hole suggests trauma so it's not as simple as flicking a switch to forgive, there's a lot more to it. I would suggest a therapist to work your way through it - sometimes the only way out is through ❤️