You may see a few parallels here: my DH insisted we had joint money; I managed the finances; he left it to me to know how much money we had; he was dilatory about paying off the mortgage; having the debt bothered me.
So I sought advice, paid off the mortgage and presented the knowledge on Christmas Day. He couldn’t argue in front of family, could he?
I suggest you emphatically state that your sole priority is to pay off the mortgage and want sufficient contribution from him until this is achieved. The alternative is joint money which you manage. He can choose but he must agree on one. (If I were you I’d persuade him to go for the latter.)
Then, and only then, can you both have peace of mind: you’ll feel financially secure and he won’t hear your worries.
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