To include son in will

I’m sorry you lost your husband.

Why, though, are you even discussing your will with your daughter? Just write the will as you see fit. Your Dh had his chance to say what he wanted to happen, now it’s your turn.

Fwiw, it seems to me your Dd has had plenty of money from you, it would be utterly unfair to exclude your son now.

Just go and get your will done as you wish , no need to involve your Daughter ,

Thank you.

DH always discussed our financial affairs with DD as we can trust her she's been to university and is very clever, she always knows what's best to do and DH always said she had a better grasp of these matters than I do as things were different when we were younger.

She sorted everything out when DH passed away, I don't know if I could cope without her tbh.

I agree Suedonim
Why all the focus on your DIL?

I think your husband was very wrong being so mean and hostile to the daughter in law.
This is already out of hand in my opinion.
Your daughter has already had quite a lot gifted and that will definitely tip the overall balance of inheritance in her favour.
Surely this is enough to satisfy your husband.

Your son is already way behind in the gifting. You now have a chance to put right this somewhat mean spirited attitude and feel at peace with yourself.
Why would a mother want to leave out their son like this? I know you don't as you say you'd like to gift 50/50.
I think maybe your daughter was "daddy's girl" and maybe isn't so close to her brother.

I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh. I just can't quite grasp that someone would cut out a son to spite the person he loves.

DH always felt that any DIL we had would pop a few kids out and be entitled to nab everything.

Sorry you lost your DH but now you have to make your own decision and do not have to follow his wishes. From what you say, your DD has already had a lot from you and your DH and your DS has had nothing.
Surely it would only be fair to leave your DS at least half in your will. I am not following what my late DH wanted. Things have changed and I will do what I think is right.

Maddiedu

DH always felt that any DIL we had would pop a few kids out and be entitled to nab everything.

and has she?
has she actually done anything wrong?

I'm sure you are way more capable than you think. Making a will should not involve your daughter. This is your gift. Your husband has obviously made plenty of gifts of his own choosing in the past.

I am sorry you have suffered this bereavement but I think you don't need to run everything past your daughter now.
What does your son think?
Just wondering.

It’s your money, it is up to you what you do with it.
Personally I can’t see why you would leave your son out. His only mistake seems to be that he had a successful relationship.

Sorry Maddieu, with the best will in the world, I doubt your daughter will do right by her brother. I think it's rather mean spirited of your DH to disinherit your son, because he doesn't want his wife to benefit. Why? What has she done to upset him and your daughter? I get the impression they don't like her. Get over it - she is your son's wife. And as I understand, they have children, your grandchildren. Your son will be very upset, if he even suspects that his father is going to cut him out of his will, for no valid reason as I see it. I'm just a bit baffled that you are discussing your Wills with your daughter and not your son. So, are you happy for your daughter's husband to share the bounty ? The mind boggles !!!

DIL hadn't nabbed anything but that could be because DH and DD have prevented it.
I haven't discussed any of it with DS he's never been involved in financial decisions.

IMHO leave everything 50/50 as that is what your heart is telling you. As an outsider it seems the fairest thing to do. Your DD has already benefitted from your DH. Go where your instinct tell you.

Goodness. I cannot imagine treating my children other than absolutely equally at all times. Your son must be hurting like mad at this type of rejection. Do you not love him at all?

Sorry - I just re-read your post and realised your DH has passed away.

I do love him and my gc I don't want to go against my dh wishes and have outsiders taking our money and leaving our family high and dry

I’ve decided for myself that anything I have will be divided equally between my children no matter what they have done or haven’t done. At least that way there can be no accusations of favouritism from me. If they choose to disagree afterwards that is down to them.

You can write a will leaving your DIl out of it and giving to your son fwiw, my MIL has done it because my sister in law wanted her to. Anything my husband inherits apparently goes to my children not me, if he dies.

I have never been a gold digger and she's not exactly rich, I'm not sure what it has all been about to be honest. Oh well!

I think it's because you work hard for dc and then somebody else's daughter can swan in and take it from under your nose

But you've had to do the opposite with your daughter?

Maddiedu

I do love him and my gc I don't want to go against my dh wishes and have outsiders taking our money and leaving our family high and dry

Your DH is no longer with you but you are still here and an individual in your own right. It’s time to make your decision based on your own feelings, not those of DH. Life moves on.

I don’t know if you have any religious feelings but maybe talking to a priest or similar could help. You sound as if you have a huge conflict raging within you and could do with some kind and caring professional help.

Maddiedu

Thank you.

DH always discussed our financial affairs with DD as we can trust her she's been to university and is very clever, she always knows what's best to do and DH always said she had a better grasp of these matters than I do as things were different when we were younger.

She sorted everything out when DH passed away, I don't know if I could cope without her tbh.

She's certainly got a good grasp of making sure she gets what she wants.

It's not your husband's money now, it is yours. You are right your son will be hurt. I don't think money always has to be shared equally and in this case I'd say she should actually get less than your son as she's had plenty already.

To protect our money @janejudge

Wow!
Your poor son - it sounds like he has been very unfairly treated so far.

Get a will made right away, to reflect what you want to happen to what is now rightfully your money when you are gone.

Even if your late OH was the breadwinner, I'm sure that you put your share of unpaid work into the marriage, and you are 100% entitled to decide what happens to whatever remains after your death.