Am I being a grinch?

It's simple. You just say they haven't to come over anymore. That's it. You are dealing with children and you are an adult.

As notgran says, just lay it on the line and no, you’re not being a grinch at all.

The problem is you have made a rod for your own back and they are your son’s playmates, so you shouldn’t be too hard on them. However, I wouldn’t give out food or drinks, give your son a water bottle to show an example. Tell them nicely to use their toilet at their home, they only live a few steps away. If your son is indoors to get them leave, have them hold hands and follow you, taking them outside of your property onto the street. Tell the neighbours that their children mustn’t enter your garden when you aren’t there and you will not be held responsible if any accidents happen as there are tools and substances.
At the moment the other parents must be so happy you have been holding an open garden for all, while they are having a quiet drink.

You need to say no, not necessarily every time as they're playmates for your child so perhaps every other time. Make your garden secure so it cannot be entered from the outside, then the children wont be able to get in unless you're there.

As mokryna has also suggested, don't give them food and drinks or allow them to use your toilet.

It may take a while for them to get the message but you'll get there eventually. Good luck

Just tell them to go for heaven’s sake. You’re the adult. Do it when you call your child in and just say it is time to leave now.

Why are they not playing in the neighbours' gardens? It would be worthwhile to find out how they were deterred. You are much too soft a touch. Definitely no more sweet treats!

You're not being a grinch. You are being taken advantage of because of your 'niceness' towards them at first. But it needs to stop, so perhaps you and your husband together can speak to them pleasantly but firmly. And stick to it regardless.

Be strong here!
If they are playing in your garden while you are not there they are not safe. There may well be tools. toxic plants etc.
As Smileless suggested above, can you make your garden more secure?
I told my children's friends that I didn't have enough money for ice-creams and limited sweet treats to weekends or special occasions. They seemed to accept that and no-one though I was mean as far as I know.
Offer water if there's a request for a drink, send them home to use the toilet.
We also set a time - so when it was our tea-time everyone went home and didn't come back.

Your house, your rules - and you have a right to enjoy it. Please don't let 'what might the neighbours think' spoil your home for you.

Remember that teacher that you all behaved for back in the day? Channel her/him, don’t shout just use a really firm voice and tell the children what is going to happen….. It’s time for you all to go home!

6ft fence?

Tell them no more playing in your garden unless your son is out as well. If they take no notice tell their parents. Don't provide the loo or drinks or snacks and if you want your son to have snacks bring him in.
As henetha says you are being too kind. Try finding out why you are the focus maybe they have been moved on by others.

Everyone played in our yard , a farm yard that was full of hazards ! One day they came screaming to me , a child was hanging on for dear life poised over the lorry pit , I hauled her out , cleaned her shoes and gave O H a mouthful for leaving the cover open . It did frighten them for a while but they still came back but we’re more careful , as was OH
Years later those children have their own nearly grown children and the tale has passed into folk lore , but her parents stopped speaking to me when they found out 10 years later .
So get the children quietened down , make them listen , and draw up a few rules
No food , just water
Go home to the toilet
Not allowed in when you are not there
And and plants destroyed have to be replaced

My garden was used by lots of the neighbourhood children. I didn't mind as they would always ask if they could play and would go home when my children came in for meals. They certainly wouldn't have come into the garden when we were out.
I would tell them in no uncertain terms to go home. Also speak to their parents who are having a peaceful time while their children are elsewhere.

You’re far too nice, OP!
I’d be laying down very firm rules, and enforcing them with a ‘death stare’. I once had this down to a fine art - dds used to ask me to do my ‘scary face’ and then squeal and hide behind the sofa cushions!
Very useful now and then. ?

I think it’s a bit cheeky to come into your garden when you and your family are away. That’s something that has to be addressed with the parents. I don’t think it’s much of a problem when you are around, but you have to set limits. Let your son know that they can cone over for an hour or so. You have to draw a line. Giving them the odd drink shouldn’t be a problem, but if it is, just ask them to to their own homes for that.

You need a teacher voice. Say loudly (and try to deepen your voice). OK, time to go home. Everybody out! If they try to stay, just repeat. No! Out now.

And I think if they still don't go, you need to get their parents.

Children are like animals, they can sense uncertainty. If you are convinced you are in charge, they will accept it. It works with teenagers, I should know. 32 difficult ones in a classroom is no joke. It also works with my very rebellious grandson. He knows when I mean it and capitulates. Other times, he'll whine and nag, because he knows I might give way.

Just tell them calmly but firmly.
The kids most likely are just enjoying doing stuff they don’t dare do in their respective homes while mums and dads are sighing with relief that it’s you not them

Impress on your own child that you are glad he has friends but that you are not the local adventure playground/loo facility/snack bar/kiddy dispute tribunal.
So if he passes on the message that he respects his own garden and your wishes …this should work.

All the kids aren’t daft and you don’t need to be a doormat to keep everyone else happy.
They and their parents will get it.
Just ensure yours treat their friends gaff with the same respect ? and there should be no grief

I found this used to happen when my children were small, at weekends. because: 'you are a teacher and are used to having children around' and 'my daddy says we can't play in the house because he wants to watch the television.'
You have to be firm, set up ground rules, and when your child comes in you may have to escort the other children home a few times to make the point. The other thing which used to horrify me was how many children were turned out to play unsupervised and would end up playing in the road.

Thank you all for your replies. I agree I am a doormat but as you all said, I am an adult and it is my garden and house. I am going to put my foot down from now on because I've woken up in quite a foul mood my husband also said that I need to tell them enough is enough. When he gets home he wants peace and quiet which I get. This cannot carry on and putting up a 6ft fence is an option, it will be the very last resort though. I have no idea why all of this is giving me a massive headache. I need to grow a pair

You need to have a script - GagaJo’s lines are perfect.

Keep repeating the same line every time they appear.

Definitely no drinks and no use of your toilet. They can go home for both.

Send them home every time your son is going indoors.

Be the adult here, but keep it pleasant and do not waiver. They will learn your rules. Consistency is important so make no exceptions to your rules.

When you have been a teacher/lecturer you develop an "edge" to your voice whereby you are instructing (rather than requesting) people to do things. I use it sometimes when I think people are taking the pi** or trying to get a free lunch.

Unfortunately you have allowed things to slide.

Time to have a frank talk with the parents of these children about respecting your property and boundaries.

my husband also said that I need to tell them enough is enough. When he gets home he wants peace and quiet

This sounds like something from the 1950s. Why is your husband not dealing with it himself it if it bothers him so much?

I fell into this same trap when my own kids were small we lived in a village and our garden became a sort of hang out for half the kids in the village. My DD was not allowed to roam the village but other kids parents seemed more laissez faire! I too used to hand out snacks and drinks and 3 kids used to stay to dinner! In the end we went to see their parents and explained that while we were happy for play dates we didnt want open house! I think I had a romanticised view of country life!

I don’t think you should say no because then you are punishing your own child but you need to be firm that they go home when your child comes in and no one comes into your garden when you are not there or you will be speaking to their parents
You also need them To know you are disappointed that they are not looking after your garden and next time there’s a mess they can clear it up have a competition to see who can pick the most rubbish up
You have to set the rules ( in a kind way)
You don’t have to dish out lollies drinks etc explain to your child that you haven’t got enough money for everyone
One biscuit or one drink of water if asked

I used to be the ‘go to’ house that everyone went to and yes I did give them a biscuit or a drink but nothing more
I did like knowing where my kids were so didn’t mind and most of them were lovely kids I enjoyed having them in the garden or house (one or at most two) not a whole crowd at a time

Set rules but kind rules youre the adult