My Mother triangulated between us...
In the past my sister has tried to go behind my back and cause trouble with my husband...
It's all just a terrible mess, I cant have a family can I?....
I admit, there have been times when I have been sucked back in, and probably been the gossip....
I have actually learned to keep secrets about my suffering because my parents and siblings will actually gang up on me to kick me when I am at my lowest....
I'm so sorry you are feeling badly about the trouble your sister and mother have caused OnwardsandUpwards.
I highlighted the sections of your posts that resonate most strongly with me.
Although, to be honest most of the things said on here do.
My nmother has used my siblings to triangulate me, so that all the relationships I built with them (and my uncle and cousins) have deteriorated to the point that they believe the lies she has spread and avoid me.
She is a little more clever than your average N, because the way she attacks me is by sandwiching the damaging lie in between phrases like ''She's a lovely girl but.........I know she loves me but.... I tried to help her but she was sooo stressed she took it the wrong way.....If only she could see I want whats best for her....'
Then people think she's being reasonable, and dont look too hard at the awful lie to check if it could actually have any veracity.
She usually backs up a systematic rant about me with a gift or cash (you take it my love, you need it more than I do), to the willing recipient . Thereby 'rewarding' the listener and more or less guaranteeing they will come back eager for more
Heck why not!?If every time they are given cash in hand for doing nothing more than absorbing lies and agreeing with a lying manipulator?
I was particularly hurt when she would (still does even though they are adults now) choose one or other of my children to give a 'expensive and thoughtful' birthday or christmas gift to, whilst simultaneously giving a 'cheap and inappropriate' one to another, and even nothing to the rest!!
Recently she's tried to attack and manipulate one of my children in an unspeakable way at a very important occasion.
Which did cause some tension and aggravation, trying to sort out the mess she'd caused between us all.
But Thankfully, because the AC in question is aware of GM's 'peccadilloes', we talked things through, rather than being to embarrassed or too hurt to acknowledge that there was actually, a problem, (as opposed to suffering in silence, and becoming isolated. which is how she normally tries to manipulate things).
She's tried to cause trouble between my husband and I in several ways. What she has said directly hasnt achieved it's aim. But the stress of even discussing some of the things she's said and done have resulted in heated discussions between us, because like most people we dont always come from the same angle.
Although H has his own opinions about the why's and wherefors, he does understand most of it Thankfully.
I'm so glad your husband is aware of all the goings on caused by your sister and mother. He can bolster you and help you to realize you are better off without them.