Dil has no friends.

How good is her English? Maybe she could join an English class for those whose first language is not English?

It sounds like she does want to make friends. But she is afraid. I can't imagine how isolated she must feel. Is there anyone local from the same country as her?

I have the feeling that she needs more help that you can give her - the FB idea and her reaction are very telling

What does her husband say to help her acclimate?

How long has she been there?

Is there association of immigrants from her same culture?

My dad came from another country in his early twenties, he spoke no English when he arrived, he isnt really one for admitting difficulties, but I remember once him telling me how hard it was and how homesick he was. I think people are right she is scared, I am not sure what else you can do but try to support her.

Could you not take her out with you to any social activity with friends and family?

I think 25Avalon’s suggestion is great. Once her English improves that may well give her the confidence to progress further. If she is unable to communicate easily that must impact dreadfully. Encourage her to enrol for a class near to where she lives.

When I was first married I was living in a foreign country probably the reverse of your daughter in law and it was very lonely even though I knew some English speakers
Perhaps joining a group she doesn’t know is just too frightening for her Where is her husband in this? is he taking her out introducing her to people his friends etc
Maybe just take her out and about with you to start with it’s very very daunting to be expected to join a group of people you don’t know
I couldn’t even now join a group of strangers in a pub
I feel sorry for her

25Avalon

How good is her English? Maybe she could join an English class for those whose first language is not English?

That is a very good idea; not only will she learn to communicate more easily, she may well make friends with other students.

Do they have children? If so, has she made friends with other young Mums?

It is probably not that other people her age are racist, the problem will be communication difficulties.

Covid has added to the difficulties too with many groups on hold. I don't really think that Facebook or the pub are the best places to meet others.

Unfortunately there is only one family from her part of the world and she didnt have much else in common. She is fine coming out with family and does a lot with my son.Her English is good but her accent can be hard to make out.At least she is happy in her job
but I think perhaps she is right about the racism as strangers presume she must be a cleaner or an unskilled worker.
Her sister has advised her to dress up and wear make up and jewellery to look more confident.

No children.

She doesn't need makeup and jewellery to make her look more confident unless, of course, she thinks it will help.

but I think perhaps she is right about the racism as strangers presume she must be a cleaner or an unskilled worker.

That's rather odd; I wouldn't worry about what strangers think and there's nothing wrong with being a cleaner or any kind of unskilled worker anyway!

Presumably she wouldn't be thought so lowly (an insult - everyone needs respect) by her DH, family or in laws friends. Not that she should be! Once that was established her circle of friends may just grow like

There seem to be a lot of unfounded assumptions floating round in your family.

Confidence doesnt come from how you look - what a horrible standard

Could she volunteer in a cause she likes?

I have suggested a group of foreign women on Facebook
Why?

Why would you think she would have more in common with a group foreign women as you put it?

I'm confused.

What are her hobbies? Could she join in with a local group?

Calistemon
I agree with the FB comment - very unfortunate suggestion with an alarming response from dil.

If you know her hobbies or interests - find a local group for her. Then she will have an immediate connection with the people she meets.

And if they all troop down to the pub afterwards, encourage her to go with them. Pubs also cater for non-drinkers with not only a selection of non-alcoholic drinks, but coffee, too. I've been teetotal for 40 years and always go to the pub with friends - for the relaxation and companionship.

I don’t doubt your sincerity in trying to are your DIL’s life more pleasant, but the attempts so far strike me as strange, a ukulele group? A group who meet in a pub? And the FB suggestion? None of those would appeal to me and I am in my “home” country
Do she and her husband socialise together? What about the wives/partners/ GFs of his friends? Does she not mix with colleagues from work?
There are organisations like the National Women’s Register (some of us may remember it as the NHR) nwr.org.uk/
And many WI’s especially in cities are full of young women and very welcoming. But it is difficult to take the plunge on her own and would be easier to go with a friend.
I cannot believe she is not trying, but know how dispiriting it can be to be lonely especially in another country.
Are there no ex-Pat groups/organisations where she would feel among friends?

You mention she’s happy in her work- that’s probably the best prospect for friends. Encourage her to take coffee breaks, lunch with others - the people she works with may be used to her accent so she may find it easier to talk to. Of course maybe she’s working from home at the moment!

Poor lady
I'm beginning to think she doesn't really want to make the effort and her latest thought is that everyone is a racist
You sound as if she’s just made that up! there is a lot of racism about and if she reads newspapers or listens to radio tv or goes on social media she will see / hear it all around her
but I think perhaps she is right about the racism as strangers presume she must be a cleaner or an unskilled worker doesn’t this say it all .

I think your son should be doing more to include her presumable she’s here because of him doesn’t he have friends? she’s done well to get a job but sometimes it’s hard to work your way into already formed groups within a job

She doesn’t have to dress differently to ‘impress’ people
How long has she been here ? If it’s years it’s perhaps not going to happen surely her new family are her friends if it’s recent keep her within the family until she gains more confidence in her new surroundings

I wonder if there is a group you could join together? It might give her more confidence if she has you to lean on.

If there is a real language barrier there, maybe there is a group for women that speak her language? Or, there may be a cultural group for her country of origin that she could join. If your son want to be supportive there he could go along with her to that group.

I think English language classes are a great suggestion. It might help her meet people facing similar struggles to her, just make friends in general and make her more confident in her communication in English.

It is very hard to adapt to a new country, I can only imagine how much harder it is when the language is not your first language.

Calistemon

^I have suggested a group of foreign women on Facebook^
Why?

Why would you think she would have more in common with a group foreign women as you put it?

I'm confused.

Well obviously they may all have the same problem and can share ways of integrating.This is only one of the local groups and as there is a large membership she might meet someone she likes and also they have some activities that sound good.
She did join a craft group but as is usual here all the ladies were 70 plus and nice enough but I think what she needs is someone her own age.The uke group was tried as she plays and it sounded fun.

She must be feeling very lonely and isolated. A lack of confidence is stopping hear from moving forward.
Are you in a position to join a social group and go with her , somewhere you both feel comfortable. I am not in the WI but it would seem a perfect group for both of you. Once joined and comfortable you could miss the odd meeting and slowly withdraw , leaving your DIL to enjoy her time there without you. I wish her good luck.