Hey ladies, huge apologies for my late return and response. Wow! What a lovely lot you are! I'm so glad I decided to join these forums to tap into such collective wisdom .
Faye: I used to feel a chill run through me at the thought of becoming a grandmother. My DD has always loved children and I was so afraid that she would become a young Mum and make me a granny in my early 40's . I am now 51 and my DD is 28. She married her fiancé in May, having been with him since her early 20's and both of them are equally keen to start a family. I am very relieved that DD found her life-partner and married before becoming pregnant, and I have found myself looking at little ones in a broody way (for want of a better phrase) for a while now. I was completely surprised at my reaction when I held a friend's baby a few month's back. Usually I do these things out of politeness, feeling awkward and uncomfortable, especially if baby cries - which they usually do. On this occasion, though, I felt thrilled and had a huge smile on my face. When I said goodbye I suddenly realised that perhaps I was ready for grandmotherhood after all .
Granny23: Yes, DD is my only child. I didn't intend it that way but life has a way of altering your plans, doesn't it ? What you said about a parent's capacity to love expanding to provide enough for all their children and grandchildren, well it was almost like you had looked inside my head. I have long had fears about that one and sometimes felt thankful that I have had only the one child. Perhaps it is one of those things that you can't really understand until you experience it. Yes, it is my hope that my DD will understand my position as a mother more once she is a mother herself, and that this, indeed, will bring us even closer together. I often find myself coming to a clearer understanding of my parents, even now, 4 years after their passing, when it is, unfortunately, too late to express this to them . Your use of the term 'flatness' covered how I was feeling so precisely. My friend is a granny herself and adores her only grandchild. I am sure she did not intend to take the pleasure of my intended announcement away from me. As JessM suggested, she was probably confused because of the uncertain look that I believe came over my face. My face always has been a mirror of my feelings. Yes, I will certainly try to keep you all updated on the pregnancy (see end of this post ).
Cheelu: Yep! You got me in one there. I have always been an over-thinker and analytical and this really doesn't do me any favours. What you said about most of us feeling not good enough as mums is undoubtedly true. It seems guilt goes with the territory of being a woman . Thank you for your best wishes !
Kittylester: Yes, we do have a good relationship. I wish my relationship with my own mother had been as attuned and relaxed. DD and I have, of course, had our difficult times but I now realise that her PCOS was having an effect, plus the fact that we are very alike in temperament . Regarding your friend and her 'Oh dear!'s, I suspect that your first assumption may be the correct one .
Whenim64: Yes, other friends who are grandparents have told me how great the lack of responsibility is and yet I am not so sure I will feel that way. I am anxious that I will do things that will upset my DD and SiL, with regard to how I am with my grandchild and that my behaviour towards him/her won't support theirs. Some good friends of mine said that they don't regard this - that when their grandchildren are in their house then they will make the allowances they wish to and be lenient if they want to as it's their house. I, myself, don't want to be like that but I don't want to be always on edge either. Oh dear! Like you say, though, I am sure I will fall in love with baby at first sight .
JessM: When my friend guessed I was quietly panicking because I didn't want to let my DD's secret slip, especially with it being so close to the time when I could officially spill. I guess that panic showed on my face and that is why her reaction was cautious. It would have been simple to deny DD was pregnant but then my friend would have felt aggrieved when I eventually told her. I just kept telling myself for building myself up to tell her the news, thinking that I was selfish and it was my DD's & SiL's right to be congratulated, not really mine. However, I still have my colleagues to tell, though I feel a little tentative about that now. I am pretty sensitive and little things cut deep . What you said about 'self-inflicted unhappiness', yes, that's so true! Regarding taking cues from DD & SiL about buggies, etc., yes I have already told myself not to get carried away and take decisions out of their hands. They have already been to baby shops to 'play with the prams', as they put it .
Nanado: You're so right! My emotions were all over the place during my own pregnancy, back in the mists of time. However, I can't blame my own hormones this time, can I ? As for having others to share my news with, yes, colleagues and other friends. As for close family, well both my parents died in 2008 (awful, awful year !) and in relation to that, I became estranged from my only - identical twin - sister. My daughter and her father fell out about a month before her wedding (he's a difficult man ) and it was me who gave her away at her wedding (he refused to attend to his duties or even the event), and she has no intention of telling him as he said he is not interested in her. Though it is not my place to tell him, I admit to being concerned that he should know. I will not interfere though.
Butty: Thank you for your reassurance and your advice about not letting my anxieties spoil things. I'm always reprimanding myself for that one.
Wisewoman: Thank you so much for your kind understanding ! You really do seem to know what is going on inside my head. Coming to Gransnet was, indeed, a good move. Having been a member of a forum before (on the website of a my favourite band, a site which is no longer there ) I know how helpful it is to share worries and views with like-minded folk. Thank you, too, for the virtual bouquet .
Annodomini: What lovely words, thank you !
Grannyactivist: Thank you for your encouragement! Yes, I often imagine things are more black and white than they ever are. When will I learn ?
Jeni: Yes, it's that connection between the term 'grandmother/granny' and 'old' that gives me the collywobbles. You got it in one ! I still go to rock gigs and I am scared that when I become a grandmother I will feel that this is an activity I should curtail or even end altogether. Perhaps when I find I am spending most of my spare money on my grandchild I will find I have no choice, eh ?
Nanapug: Ha ha! Thank you for the clarification regarding this new passion that is going to overwhelm me . However, as for your belief as to our reason for being, I'm not actually sure I totally go along with that, sorry! Don't get me wrong, I will support my daughter as much as I can but I want to be seen as a strong and interesting individual, not just a mother and grandmother. Forgive me if I have misunderstood you and I thank you for your kind words.
Lilygran: Thank you for your congrat's. DD has been suffering with nausea, lack of energy, and poor sleep but hopefully things will improve soon. With luck, the second trimester will give her back her energy and she will 'bloom' - in more ways than one .
Mishap: Yes, your words are so true! I am sure that my DD will gain a new understanding of my role in her life. She is a very astute and understanding girl anyway, but, as we all know, there are things in life that you just don't really appreciate until you go through them yourself. We all live and learn . I am happy for you that you have so much enjoyment from being a grandmother and that you have another exciting arrival to look forward to. You mentioned about understanding what they go through tends to temper your enjoyment though. Yes, that is something that concerns me. DD wants me to be there at the birth, along with SiL. I have mixed feelings about that one, mainly because I don't want to witness her in pain. I am scared too ! One thing I do know, I have got to make a determined effort to get fit. I have some physical health concerns that I know will be improved if I lose some weight and exercise more. I find it so hard to get motivated but I have the best incentive ever now, don't I ?
UPDATE: DD had her second scan a couple of days before Christmas. She was so thrilled when she told me that she and Sil had seen baby move on the monitor screen. It seems all is well so far, thank heavens! She has been really anxious about her pregnancy, mainly because PCOS brings more risks to a pregnancy, and she was getting herself into a right stew. I think she is a little more relaxed now, thank goodness! Indeed baby, too, looked pretty relaxed in the photos. I swear he/she was lying back with knees bent and one leg slung casually over the other. Must have a good book in there .
Well ladies, I apologies for the massive length of my reply. I had such a flood of wonderful responses all at once that I didn't want to leave anyone out. Once again, thank you all and I wish you all the very best for 2013. XXX