Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

alienated siblings of my DGC

(5 Posts)
Flowerofthewest Mon 08-Apr-13 22:27:20

My DS has two children who he no longer sees through no fault of his own, I have explained all of this in other posts. It is too long and drawn out to explain again but I was surprised yesterday when he came round with his two little boys aged almost 5 and almost 3. I mentioned to him that I had to deliver Easter Eggs yet to the two he no longer sees. He said quietly that the two little ones had no idea that they had a brother and sister in the next town. I found this hard to take in. I know its up to him but I feel (and am probably right) that it is not his decision but my DiL. She is very jealous of his children and will not allow any photographs of them in the house. She even said to me once that she would not have any pictures of a child who hated her. Now my GD was 7 when she first met my DiL and, of course, the child was going to take a while to get to know my DiL (daddy's new girlfriend in her eyes and taking the place of her mummy) They had been divorced for 2 years by then and the DiL was not part of the split.

Has anyone else come across this situation. He says that when they are older he will let them know. I have pictures of my DGC (who we do not see) up in my lounge when the little one asked who they were I just said they are -and their names - not their relationship. It is so sad. I can see a Jeremy Kyle situation in the future.

Greatnan Tue 09-Apr-13 06:05:46

This really is very sad, but I don't think you can take any action without their father's consent.
My own daughter stopped her adult children going to their cousin's wedding, although they had always been close. I can only imagine the kind of emotional blackmail she applied to stop them going.

Flowerofthewest Tue 09-Apr-13 11:11:04

Yes, I know all about emotional blackmail Greatnan, She has told my GC that their father want's to kidnap them. This terrified the little one especially - he was 5 - the thought that he would never see him mum again. He actually told my ex when they bumped into him in a supermarked. It broke my ex's heart that the little ones had been told this. he said "My daddy is a bad bad man grandad, he wants to kidnap us away from mummy" Terrible! Goodness only knows what else she has told them.

vampirequeen Tue 09-Apr-13 19:26:21

That's very sad. I know it's different but my DDs grew up knowing they should have had an older brother. It wasn't pushed at them but there was a photo of James on display and they naturally asked who he was and they were given age appropriate answers.

I can't imagine how they would have felt if they had suddenly found out about him when they were older.

I agree with you but unfortunately there is nothing you can do as it's your DS decision.

Deedaa Tue 09-Apr-13 21:26:46

I think your DiL may well find that this rebounds on her when they are older. Most people in this sort of situation don't like finding that they have been deliberately kept away from siblings, but it's not going to help in the short term. I'm afraid you can only wait and hope for the best.