Christmas Dilemma

hello and welcome. I've just been shopping for lego for my GS in Australia...
I think once they start to call you gran and papa, then you take the hit. I wish you joy of your step grandkids.

Oh, I couldn't agree more! Enjoy every minute of your extended family, and yes, treat them all the same. You are now Gran and Papa, after all!

I think you must, neeny or they will feel they are only second-class grandchildren. If this relationship is The One for your son, then his partner's children will look on you as grandparents and you cannot treat them differently to the others.

If that is going to be financially difficult, that could be a problem. Will the others notice if their presents are not as expensive as usual to keep the total within reason? Probably not - children are not as worried about cost as about how interesting the present is.

What about other son? Will he and his partner notice? Will they care if they do notice? Can you speak to them about it before you buy? If they get on well with the stepchildren and look on them as more cousins for their own kids, perhaps it will not be the problem you anticipate. They may be including these new additions too.

Yes!! We have sort of step grandsons and treat them exactly the same as the 'real' ones. DS2 treats them as sons so they are our grandsons! Enjoy!!!

Hello, Neeny, I suppose it depends on how much you normally spend on your own grandchildren. We have seven grandchildren so can't really afford to spend more than £40 on each one. If there were 'additions' to the family we would have to cut down on the overall amount we spend.

As you are all getting along so well and you are hopeful that your son's relationship will last I would spend the same amount on your son's OH's children as the more you do to make them feel part of the family, the happier everyone will be.

Definitely. If your son has chosen this lady as his partner and it is a stable relationship, then they become part of the family.

I can't imagine why you would even feel the need to ask such a question!

Your son is on his third family and by all accounts the latest woman and her children are lovely ...... would you really consider spending less on them?

Hello Neeny,

As you are all getting along so well and you are hopeful that your son's relationship will last I would spend the same amount on your son's OH's children as the more you do to make them feel part of the family, the happier everyone will be.

I really have no idea why part of my post has repeated itself!!

Thank you so much for the advice. This was my gut feeling too and it was only yesterday when a friend looked at me with such surprise and suggested that I must make a difference by favouring my "own" GC that I began to waiver.

The youngest two children absolutely adore my DS and he has assumed a father role with them although their own dad is still very much a part of their lives. The oldest child gets on well with my DS. They are great kids and have wasted no time in becoming a firm part of the family.

I think my DDIL will notice and might have a view but as suggested by Elegran I think I will have a conversation with her tomorrow.

thanks again.

Oops I seem to have posted this thread twice!! Sorry.

How do I delete the second thread?

Oh yes spend the same on each child. We have always treated her the same as our blood grandchildren they truly think of her as their cousin. She paid us the most wonderful compliment this year when she became legally adopted and took our name. We all adore her. She was 16 this year we've been her nanna & grandad since she was just 3

Yes absolutely spend the same on these grandkids. I wish there was a better word after all this time than "step" and all the connotations that go along with it. Looking at it from their point of view, you are their grandparents, although not the first ones. No steps involved!

I can't ever see how it works spending exactly the same amount on each child. I buy gifts of equal value but some people don't seem to understand children want to be treated the same. For example my ex husband the world's worst gift giver and his wife gave my eldest GD a stuffed poodle hand bag last year while her cousins all received two gifts. She burst into tears and at some other event ex's wife said she couldn't understand GD getting upset as they had spent the same amount of money on each child. and the poodle handbag cost the same Ex's wife, nice as she is, is apparently up there with the WWGG, from reports from her own children.

Give all the children gifts of equal value and if you give one child two gifts give all the children two gifts.

My post posted when I had pressed preview.

I was going to add Neeny I had grandparents who treated the older grandchildren more favourably than the last few. I still remember getting a cheap ugly dress while my cousins received cameras. I might not have expected a camera as I was younger but this was the normal Christmas Day lunch at my grandmother's house for me. If you can't treat the children the same on Christmas Day don't have them over.

Thanks for all the comments. It was my firm feeling that they should all be the same. I know from experience what it's like to be treated differently (I was the favoured GC of my Dads parents and I know how awkward I felt amongst my cousins because of it).

I only questioned the approach because of the comments made by a friend. I haven't been in this situation before and was I suppose just looking for some reassurance.

They will indeed receive the same value of gifts as the others. They are part of our family.

Hope you have a happy xmas neeny Lucky kids to get a nice new set of grandparents. And of course the gifts that matter most are the things that money can't buy - teaching them to cook, garden or sharing whatever interests and hobbies you enjoy.

Oh most certainly yes, if you are able to. We have five biological grandchildren, and our son's partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. We treat her exactly the same as our biological grandchildren, and always have from the time our son has been with her mum. So far as we are concerned, we have six grandchildren, and we love her as much as we love the others. She is part of our family.

We spend around a certain sum on each child. As the children get older, their gifts become fewer and smaller in size, because of the nature of the things they enjoy. They understand that the little ones may receive more or larger items, but they understand about the values of what they are receiving and we've never had any problems with one child having a smaller 'pile' than another.

Oh most certainly yes, if you are able to. We have five biological grandchildren, and our son's partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. We treat her exactly the same as our biological grandchildren, and always have from the time our son has been with her mum. So far as we are concerned, we have six grandchildren, and we love her as much as we love the others. She is part of our family.

We spend around a certain sum on each child. As the children get older, their gifts become fewer and smaller in size, because of the nature of the things they enjoy. They understand that the little ones may receive more or larger items, but they understand about the values of what they are receiving and we've never had any problems with one child having a smaller 'pile' than another.

Ooops, dont know what happened there, my post has appeared twice. Sorry!

My grandma was so determined to be fir that she used to give us the difference between the value of presents in cash - going a bit far I feel!

I do that Mishap and with the DCs and their partners. It's so difficult to a) find suitable presents and b)ensure they're all the same value!
Neeny I think your new DGCs are blessed to have you and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with them.

As long as I can be sure that the presents are what they really want and will enjoy, I don't think it matters if I spend different sums on my various GC.

My GSs all want money these days.