Wanted: surrogate granny!!

Hi Rose, sorry I'm not a grandma... but I'm in a similar situation to you and wondered if you have made any progress in your quest for that special grandparent relationship for your children? I see you've had no replies which is very disappointing. Have you posted elsewhere also or just here? This is something I have joked about with my husband for over ten years but have only just taken my thoughts seriously and recently googled 'surrogate/adoptive grannies' and was surprised to find successful schemes up and running in Australia and elsewhere. findagrandparent.org.au That's great... but what about the UK?!! I wonder perhaps if this forum is not the most suitable place for us to find what we are looking for?... as from what I can gather the lovely people on here are all grandparents already, probably with their own families and grandchildren. Suggestions welcomed... xx

There have been other posters asking the same question. I agree that this is perhaps not the place to ask the question - not least because it is a completely open forum and anybody could see your post, join the group, and then make contact with you and your family. There are so many hazards involved here.

If you do find someone who would like to be a surrogate grandparent, do make sure that you do all the checks you can on their background.

Hi, not everyone on here is a grandparent but most of us are. This sort of request has come up before and each time we have warned of the dangers of finding a grandparent online and urged caution.

We live a long way from our grandchildren and would be more than happy to help our with some who lived nearer. We don't live anywhere near Braintree, where are you DeeDee3?

Thank you Elegran and Nonnie for your comments. Yes I agree that the children's safety is the number one priority as you can never be sure that people online are who they claim to be. I would never leave my children alone with a stranger and have had safeguarding training. Thank you for your concern. Nonnie you asked where we are... We are in the West Midlands.xx

Shoot me down if I am sounding unsympathetc but is anybody here thinking about offering company, help with shopping, lifts to GP or the library or even a chat amd a cup of tea with an elderly person? I am sure AGE UK or your local church or even sheltered home would have lonely people who might appreciate the gesture and a genuine friendship might develop. The relationship works both ways.

Please do not shoot me down but what happens re car insurance if there is an accident?

My GP surgery thought of asking volunteers to take people to the surgery but car insurance reared its ugly head so that idea is on the back burner.

Yes Soutra, coincidentally I do already 'offer' my services to a well known registered charity. I do home visits to people after hospital discharge (all ages, not just the elderly), chaperoning hospital/doctor appointments, transport, and shopping. However these people are vulnerable and this service is provided professionally and unconditionally. I could not carry this out with an ulterior motive, looking for an elderly person who could be a substitute grandparent! I was brought up with the motto 'you don't give to receive'. When working or volunteering with registered charities there are codes of conduct and very strict boundaries.

Very valid point Charleygirl about the car insurance. The organisation I volunteer for has details of my car insurance and I have checked with my insurance company that I'm covered for what I do. I've had a CRB check and carried out all the necessary training for the role albeit a voluntary one. It's a shame that your GP surgery failed to set up the transport scheme for patients, perhaps they could enlist the help of a large well known charity. The charities often have an 'agreement' with insurance companies regarding car insurance for their volunteers. Hope this helps xx

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Hi Rose,

I am so sorry that your Mum is not there for you. She is missing out on so much.I think adopting grandparents is a lovely idea but, like someone else has mentioned, I think this needs to be approached with much caution.

There are, alas, people in the world whose motives are not always pure and personally I would never leave my grandchild with a man or a woman I don't know extremely well, no matter how nice they appear to be.

I had no support from my parents as a young mother either and I know it is very tough.

Hi Rose, I think that the reason you have had no offers is because people are afraid of what you might expect of them. May I make a suggestion that you request to befriend and older lady "with a view to being a surrogate granny at a later stage". This way you could get to know each other before involving, and possibly disappointing the children/ Who knows you may end up with not just a granny but aunties too. I wish you luck.

Rose 83 that is so sad we live 40 miles from Braintree maybe you could message me. We are in sad position of our daughter cutting us off from her and our 3 grandchildren.?! My husband s parents came from Braintree.

I am in a similar situation, although we live in Shropshire. It would be great to start an organisation linking up people - we always seem to be put off by red tape in this Country, but they manage to do it in other Countries. Personally I do not have any parents and would love to find someone of the older generation to fill in the grandparent role for my 3 children.

"Red tape" is another way of describing the very necessary checks and requirements for the safety and well-being of all concerned.
There have been too many cases of "grooming" of young girls by older men (and women for all I know) online, pretending to be potential boyfriends. There have been cases reported of sexual abuse of children as young as 12 months by paedophiles. Is it any wonder that we need what you call "red tape".
Just because someone sounds like a sweet apple-cheeked old lady (apologies grans, I know that's not us!!) online doesn't guarantee your children's safety.
Plus, this is an open site and can can be accessed by anybody - please do not give away any personal information which could identify you, your family or where you live.

And if you do start an organisation to link people up, consult the police, or some other authority, to see exactly what checks you will have to undergo - and will have to make sure than everyone who uses your organisation undergoes.

Hi rose I have only just signed up to this site, did you befriend a grandma ? X

I doubt if rose will get back soon - she hasn't been back in six years!

The children are probable ready for college by now ?