I feel so ashamed and angry with myself

Frankie my husband's cousin found herself in exactly the same position as you. When her step mother who was also in an expensive home died she left all her money to the local church - nothing for our Canadian cousin who had flown over regularly to see she was ok and phoned her every week.

Somehow she is not bitter and just accepts life is not fair. I would have been spitting feathers but what good would it have done me. I am not the Christian I hoped I was.

Life is unfair sadly. I think I would want to give up the PoA if that's possible and walk right away from Mildred even if it meant she was left with the remaining money. You don't want to end up bitter and twisted too. At least you would have more time and energy to offer support to your DGC. Good luck

I would suggest finding out how you could "resign" as POA . It's not going to be easy to do this feeling as you do about her.

Don't beat yourself up about how you feel about her.

Thank you ladies for good advice - I forgot to mention that my Dad left the bungalow to Mildred for her lifetime, then to me and my two brothers - so may help you to understand my frustration!! But yes, life is not fair; but must say I feel better for being able to say how I feel - thanks again.

Why did you have to sell the bungalow to pay for her care if it was left to you and your brothers? Surely after she left it to go into residential care she had no rights. I realise I do not know if I am right or not.

Yes. If the bungalow was only left to her for her lifetime I can't see why it should have been sold to pay for her care. It ultimately belonged to you and your brother.

You could just take the proceeds from the bungalow and walk away. After giving your brother his share of course.

If you are keeping Mildred in a nice home out of kindness, then how can you be ashamed of yourself?

Sorry - two brothers.

It would certainly seem from this article that you shouldn't have had to sell the property.

www.makeawill.co.uk/page-right-to-live-file-33.html

Get legal advice asap.

Reading that article I took it to mean that the person with the lifetime interest could benefit from income generated by the property not decrease the value - ie if the house had been let the money generated could have been used for Mildred's fees.

Maybe legal advice would be a good idea.

I was referring to this paragraph specifically:

'As a person who is granted a life interest does not own the property and/or assets in which they have an interest such property and/or assets cannot be taken into account if that person’s finances are assessed for the purpose of care home fees. Similarly, such property and/or assets cannot be taken in the event that the person who is granted the life interest becomes bankrupt.'

FRANKIE have you invested the money from the sale of the bungalow and are paying the care fees out of the income generated?

You are not responsible for her fees. She was permitted to live in the bungalow, it wasn't left to her. If she has no savings then LA is responsible for her care.

Yes - that's my take on it. I'm surprised the solicitor who handled the sale of the bungalow didn't pick up on that.

You can't help the way you feel and, because of the circumstances you describe, I think many people would find it difficult not to feel resentful.

Going by what others have said, I think it might be advisable to get some legal advice.

AgeUk is always a good place to start for advice with things like this.

I'd be spitting feathers

Social Services are toads. They are very good at implying responsibility where there is none. I've known several people now who've lost their inheritance on SS say so.

Thanks for that Nfk. Quite a few of us have spent our entire careers working in Social Services without turning into toads.

As for the OP, legal advice is clearly needed. The rules of inheritance are so complex that only someone with legal training can advise.

Huge generalisation Nfk.

The SW involved with mum's care has been brilliant, extremely helpful and one of the friendliest people I have ever met - in fact we still email one another occasionally even though mum is no longer in her area!

As others have said Frankie, specialist advice needs to be sought. It's such a shame that the house was sold but you may at least be able to salvage something once you are being guided by a professional.

I do think the amount of £675 per week is extortionate - surely there are cheaper options?

Holly £675 seems reasonable to me

There are also much dearer options, Hollydaze

Don't be too hard on yourself over this, Frankie. You have every reason to feel bitter.

I'm sorry if I offended. I know there are lovely people working for Social Services. I even met one or two, but they were overruled by the system.

My Social Services experiences with both my parents were worse than horrible. As were those of my cousin in law and a close friend. I'm really pleased Kitty that you had supportive help with your mum and that the system can work.

(And £675 is very reasonable!)

Has anyone done this ( giving life interest in a property) looks interesting until you come to the capital gains tax. I think I will look into it further.