Really sorry for what is going to be a long post but I could do with some advice. My DD has suffered from anxiety and depression since early teens; she is now 23 and last Christmas was admitted to hospital because she was suicidal and had a total breakdown. Although there were other issues, the underpinning one was that her dad abandoned her when we separated even though he lived quite close by. This last year has been a long road but she is so much better now - even thinking about returning to education. She did really well in her GCSEs despite no work but got low grades in her A levels because of her depression.
Anyway, to backtrack a little. Her dad's mum, whom DD adored and was still in contact with, died (just as DD was beginning her A levels, which naturally upset her a lot). All that was left of her paternal family was an uncle, who had returned to his parents' home when his marriage broke down and who never moved out, and her grandad. The uncle, although friendly when she saw him, never felt like family to her, but she loved her grandad dearly and saw him and spoke to him on the phone as often as she could. He never made contact with her, it was always DD that initiated contact. This isn't because he didn't love her, she had grown up knowing that she was adored by these grandparents.
Anyway, after his wife died grandad went somewhat to pieces and the uncle and his girlfriend took over the house - decorating it to their taste (which was certainly not in keeping with what it was like), demolishing the beautiful garden with tat, uprooting rose beds, gravelling as much as they could etc. Certainly, they were looking after Grandad in as much as taking him to his hospital appointments and cooking - but they never paid a bill or contributed financially. (This is fact, not supposition).
DD's errant father used to visit his dad quite often, even though at this point he still was having nothing to do with DD. She used to get really upset and felt that if she didn't make the effort she would be excluded from the family through thoughtlessness - none of this helped her mental state; she felt totally rejected by them.
A few months ago, I contacted DD's dad. Previous attempts had been blanked but this time he listened to how ill she had been and he has come good - totally contrite and supporting her however he can.
Grandad was thrilled at the reconciliation and things were ok. Anyway, last month grandad died. Throughout his illness, DD was always there, was the one the doctors liaised with and she insisted on being a pallbearer and giving a eulogy. Yesterday, the will was read - and the beneficiary is the uncle, and it's quite substantial. Absolutely fine, it was grandad's will to make - except DD is feeling absolutely rejected all over again and I'm really worried about her frame of mind. It's not, absolutely not, about the money - except that it sort of is - grandad knew that she was struggling financially (she has a 4-year old son and is a single mother because her son's dad is another waste of space) and he has done nothing to help her. Although this post is massively long, it does nothing to convey her terrible struggle to get back on track mentally; what I can I do to make this journey of feeling rejected again any better for her? Any thoughts are really welcome.
Good Morning Friday 19th April 2024
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