Should we tell him?

Very strange situation. Don't know how you manage however, I would get a very basic message to him giving the details but nothing more so you cannot be accused of trying to do more than give the information in case he wants to know.

Give him the information with no expectation /pressure for hm to attend funeral. His choice. If he comes be pleased to see hom. If no.. don't take offence!

As you know his address, could you send a note giving the info and saying you thought he should know about it?

I agree with Farnorth.

@Farnorth we thought about that but will need to get somebody else to write the envelope as he may not open it if hr recognises the handwriting.

Then do just that. It's up to you to inform him yourself.

So sorry if this comes out all wrong,fortunately I've no experience of family break downs,only what I read about.But how can you not know why your son won't speak to you,I mean,I have a tricky DIL so I can see how it can happen,but if my son stopped speaking,I would want to know why and do my best to sort it out.

Why not type envelope and notification, so that it can be seen as a formal notification rather than a personal note.

If you can't type the envelope, print the name and address on a sheet of paper, cut it out and stick it on the envelope.

I would just post a hand written letter telling him the details so that at least you have done the right thing. It's up to him what he does then. Take a copy of the dated and signed note and just leave it at that.
At this stage, you're the messenger. It's upto him if he reads it.
So sorry for you. Family rifts are very hard.

I would definitely pass on a message through a third party. No matter what your son does about it at least you will know you've told him. My DIL found out her step father had died 3 years after it happened due to her estrangement with her mother - she was very upset by it even though she had had nothing to do with him in later years.

There is definitely more to this.

Children just don't "cut" their parents out of their lives.

Stillaliveandbeingannoying. The OP has asked for specific help on a question not a post mortem on her family life.

I personally don't give advice to people that pretend absolutely nothing happened. It's called lying or at the very least being delusional. I feel more for the child.

That's a relief then.

Really niña. Parents can certainly feck up their kids huh.

Yes but do we have to judge everyone by what's happened to us? Can't someone ask a simple question without it being dissected into something else?

Us? So it's perfectly rational and plausible that a son would just decide not to have contact with a parent then? I don't think so.

No, it isn't.....but there are perceived slights where none were intended, and to be honest I think that mental health issues affect more people than we realise.

Life isn't just about US Stillalive. Your issues are your issues. Until you know the full story you cannot judge. Are you off Mumsnet?

I just find it really weird that a son would just decide not to speak to his mother like that and hopefully most people are retrospective rather than blameless in these situation.

Not sure what your last comment means?

Unless you know the story, you can't make a judgement.

I like to ask why. Maybe the OP should ask why instead of stating that her son just decided to cut her off.

The OP has asked for advice, on a specific problem, giving a bit of background information. I would write him a note, explaining what has happened and, at the bottom, saying I hope you are all well. If he recognises the handwriting, and chooses not to open the letter, that is up to him. If you think you may, at a later date, be accused of not notifying him, just get a confirmation of postage from the post office