Hi Lemonade and welcome.
Here is a copy of an article I wrote about Aloneness versus Loneliness - hope it will help:
AgeUK states: Loneliness can be as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! Combine that with actually smoking 15 cigarettes a day and you have a problem! However, just as giving up smoking or changing one’s diet could help improve health, there are positive ways in which loneliness can be dealt with so that it evolves into a more tolerable sense of aloneness.
Get an animal! If you are not able to have a dog or a cat, try a fish, gerbil or a bird. Animals play an important role because they need our care and attention, are a constant presence in our home and even though they’re unable to talk back they always provide a listening ear!
Join something! A local social or sports club could always do with new members and you’ll find yourself amongst friendly people. And what about going to church? Always a welcome to be found there
Get involved! In anything, your local charity shop or an organisation that needs people to fundraise, organise events or help with decision making on a committee. There is nothing quite like the satisfaction of knowing you are contributing towards the well-being of others less fortunate than yourself.
Read! Being lost in a book, involved in the plot and the characters is such a compliment to an author and a great way of forgetting yourself for hours on end.
Write! A great man once said, ‘Nothing is real until it’s written’ Writing to yourself or to loved ones who have gone, is a wonderfully cathartic way of putting jumbled thoughts out of a troubled mind onto paper (or a computer screen!)
Communicate! In this day and age of social media, email and the internet, people often forget the simple act of getting in touch; of picking up the phone for a chat. Perhaps that’s why AgeUK’s Silver Line has been such a success. They offer a free, confidential 24/7, telephone helpline offering information, friendship, and advice to older people in the United Kingdom. There’s another option to explore; either using their service or offering your own as a volunteer.
Share! When life and loneliness become too much to bear, there are people you can talk to. Samaritans, that amazing organisation, is available 24-hours a day to listen to whatever you need to share. Don’t think they are just for people contemplating suicide; they are there for anyone who needs an empathetic and non-judgemental listening ear.
Watch! Television is a great panacea for loneliness. It fills the house with noise and voices; it takes you out of yourself even for a few hours and provides an endless source of entertainment (mindless or otherwise!!)
Walk! If you are able; walking is wonderful, not only does it get you out in the fresh air, but done regularly, as with any exercise, walking produces endorphins in the brain which are a great antidote for the blues.
Listen! To music; dance as though no-one is watching (which hopefully they aren’t!) Music is so evocative of good times. It has an emotional and physical effect on the brain and produces dopamine the same as with exercise. Playing a CD or keeping the radio on low at night can help promote sleep and provide comfort with sound.
These are just some ideas of how to deal with the scourge of loneliness. Learning to acknowledge your feeling is half the battle. The thing is you are not alone. There are 7 million other people out there feeling as you do.
Reach out and take back control; be, if not happy, at least accepting of your aloneness and make the most of it.
