Daughter won’t speak

Why “so called” pandemic ?

I wondered about that too, Lucca.
It's not a so called pandemic, it's world wide pandemic.

Your poor daughter, losing her job on top of everything else she has to cope with.

It sounds as though you are in the covid denier/minimising camp and that is the cause of the current disagreement with your daughter. It also sounds as though disagreements are an integral part of your relationships.
The relationship is what needs attention. Telling someone who must be struggling financially as a result of this pandemic that you won't help out with cash or groceries until she speaks to you isn't the way to build bridges,

I'm assuming the argument was because she is taking the pandemic seriously and you are calling it a "so called"pandemic

If so then I sympathise with your daughter

What was the disagreement about?

Other posters have already covered the "pandemic" point

If SIL cannot work through illness surely he can claim benefit?? As for paying money into anyone's bank account who cannot acknowledge receipt of it.......don't! .....just don't! Your daughter seems to have MH issues but that doesn't excuse ingratitude!

Your daughter seems to have MH issues but that doesn't excuse ingratitude!

Why does the daughter appear to have mental health issues? It sounds to me as though she's worried sick. She's lost her job, her husband is too ill to work and she's got a mother who appears to be a Covid denier (if I understood the OP correctly). Sounds perfectly well to me; just frightened, worried and trying to keep her and her husband safe.

What do you want your poor daughter to do? Does this money you are giving come freely or are you expecting her to jump through hoops and agree with your point of view? You can carry on giving her money as a kind, charitable act or not. Maybe you see it as a form of control - if you give her money, she has to do what you ask. I have experience of a family member trying that with me. It is never a good idea.

Can’t understand your comment ‘so called pandemic’. There is no doubt that we are all going through a worldwide pandemic, so perhaps that is where your differences lie. Your daughter and son-in-law are obviously suffering as a result of this, but if you feel they are not appreciating your financial support, and you resent it, then perhaps you should withdraw your help.

I agree with the others. If I had a sick husband, no job, was relying on someone else to help me with food and they then threatened to withdraw their support because I disagreed with them, I would be distraught.

Each of those things on its own would be horribly stressful, but altogether it is a lot to deal with, particularly if her husband is not in a position to give her emotional support.

Reading between the lines, she has lost her job because of the pandemic and you have told her that she is somehow imagining the seriousness of it? I'm not surprised she is angry.

If you really want to build bridges, you could apologise and either reinstate your financial help, or apologise and stop providing it, so that she knows that it is not conditional on her sharing your opinion on things. Either way, I hope you can sort it out, as the longer you leave it the more difficult things are likely to become.

She’s disagreed with you. (Probably under a lot of stress). You’ve had a tantrum and taken your toys away.

You’ve cut your nose off to spite your face. You’ll lose a daughter altogether if you’re not careful. Is that what you really want?

I agree with other posters
(except PollyDolly)

Your daughter sounds very worried and you are not taking this seriously.

Don't stop sending the money just like that. Money worries can be very stressful indeed and Covid is making lots of people very anxious indeed.

I do agree that your daughter should say thank you for it. After all, she'd probably thank a friend who helped her financially.

I suspect that she is under great stress. In your position, I'd leave it a few days and then text her to ask how she is etc.

When you say 'current situation' is it 'only' Covid, or Brexit too?

From the groups I belong too, Brexit is the one that has really put a massive wedge between generations- adult children and also teenage/young adult grandchildren and their parents/grandparents.

She has lost her job through this so called pandemic

I think that it's Covid causing such trauma.

Your daughter is obviously going through a lot and money will be tight through lack of work

If you're saying there's no such thing as the virus, well that could well be the last straw.

Try opening your mind a bit. Appreciate that the virus is real .

Or just don't mention it and send her a letter in an attempt to reconcile

Don't say the pandemic doesn't exist though1

Give it a rest biba
The OP is talking about the Covid situation.
Torbaygran if you have somehow fallen out with your DD ring her up and say you didn’t mean to upset her.Am not sure who’s at fault here as you don’t really give much info, but be the bigger person as her Mother and realise that due to the pandemic she has lost her job and is worried.

biba70

When you say 'current situation' is it 'only' Covid, or Brexit too?

From the groups I belong too, Brexit is the one that has really put a massive wedge between generations- adult children and also teenage/young adult grandchildren and their parents/grandparents.

She has lost her job through this so called pandemic and her husband can’t work through illness.

Which part of that didn't you understand?

From the groups I belong too, Brexit is the one that has really put a massive wedge between generations- adult children and also teenage/young adult grandchildren and their parents/grandparents.

If so, their relationships cannot have been very loving to begin with and the relationships may have broken down anyway.

I wouldn't think it would be good for anyone belonging to such groups.

Oh FGS why does Brexit have to be brought -yet again - into everything ?
This is about a relationship breakdown , it seems finally pushed over the edge by Covid, by OP’s apparent dismissal of the wide-reaching consequences (“so-called pandemic”) at the same time, D having lost her job through it and her husband being unfit for work.
That level of stress would cause anyone to snap!

Is there going to be an award this year for the gransnetter who manages to bring up the subject of B*** most often on completely irrelevant threads?

Wooden spoon, Esspee`

Esspee

Is there going to be an award this year for the gransnetter who manages to bring up the subject of B*** most often on completely irrelevant threads?

Yes Esspee. And there's a clear winner. Or loser, depending on how you look at it.

Torbaygran- as others have said, if you want to support and help out your DD then do so.

However expecting her to dance to your tune and put up with your thoroughly ridiculous POV in return for your cash sounds like the reason she’s now ignoring you.

You’ll realise too late if you continue down this road that money doesn’t buy love, it might get you obedience for a while depending how desperate her situation is, but any respect will be gone and tbh if you were my family I’d rather starve than prostitute my values and common sense than accept this sort of “charity”.

Honestly - there’s millions of people died, a mass economic crisis and you’re freaking out coz DD won’t accept your delusions and play happy families on Facebook?

Give your head a wobble woman ?

Sometimes you have to agree to disagree.