Online dilemma

Maybe he just saw you as a friend and wants to continue as a friend whereas you sound as though you were hoping for a different relationship.

If you want to keep him as a friend then just chat as usual but accept that it will not be what you were hoping for.

Thanks Cornish, yes I think you're right. It's a shame as he did steer the convo round after a while to wanting to become more than friends but think I've been friend zoned.

Put it down to experience and move on.

You have never met this man and owe him nothing. Two things to consider: I would not reply and leave it to him to get in touch then decide whether you want to reply then or not. Or block him as he's playing fast and loose with you.
If it was me I would block him. Life is too short for this sort of nonsense.

Exactly ladies. Thanks for that. It's my gut reaction too. He messaged this lunchtime and I've not long seen it and haven't yet replied. He won't reply unless I message, he's not the type to chase and neither am I. I'm lonely but not desperate and yes, owe him nothing either.

We deserve somebody who wants us, eh? He's very quiet and polite and isn't a player type but said he's dated a fair bit and has been hurt. Pity he couldn't recognise a good woman though.

His loss. You sound very nice. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. ❤️

Thanks a lot Polar. You sound lovely too.

I know I'm an idiot to most. An idiot and a joke for others to kill time with. Just a shame when you think you've met somebody like minded.

You are not an idiot. Don't do yourself down. I shouldn't think you want to be feeling left high and dry, not knowing where you stand. His loss. I hope you find a more satisfactory arrangement soon

Thanks Blinko. Exactly, that's the worst. Even if somebody said they didn't want to bother it's hurtful but you know where you stand. It's the messing around.

It is and we're both rather niche where it's hard to find somebody with the same interests so no doubt he'll be wasting his time looking round when he let a decent one go

You’re not an idiot, he sounds bored and seeking a bit of attention here and there. I agree with EV, ignore and move on.

Thanks Jax, he does. Thing is he hasn't had much success on dating sites. I haven't used them myself as they sound a brutal bearpit which he agreed with, so silly he's thrown me over to go through all that again. He won't get much attention there and when he realises that, I won't be around to talk to.

I have experience of on line dating and if this was me I would not reply to any of his messages but I would not block him either because that would show that he’s got to me but we’re all different,to me I wouldn’t put up with it...And please don’t put yourself down..??

Look up the phrase 'catfishing'. I suspect he has pretended to be something he isn't, in one way or another.

I agree with Shinamae. Don't block him, but don't ever initiate messaging again. You'll soon find out if he is real or not.

I'm sorry you've been hurt, but I agree with others that he was keeping you on the back-burner and still playing the field to see who else was available.

Let him go. I know these are difficult times socially but I would rather know someone was excited about a potential relationship than being strung along.

I know I'm an idiot to most. An idiot and a joke for others to kill time with

stayanotherday you really need to change that conversation you have with yourself.

Try ‘I’m an intelligent woman who’s a good listener and whose friends value her.’

As for your online friend, I would just play it cool. Reply to his message in a friendly way, but don’t suggest meeting in the future.

Hope you've had luck on there Shin and good advice. We've been emailing for a while because the forum closed. He won't message again until/if I reply. I was thinking of replying, not confrontationally or for a few days but because I'm fed up with being let down and to lead somebody on and waste their time for six months is unfair. I was thinking of saying something like "What a shame we won't be meeting up after all this time and all you said as it would have been nice to hang out and I thought you were one of the good guys".

I won't be there to provide support, company and attention though while he looks around or mop his tears when it all goes wrong. That's on him. Thank you

As he lives 3 hours away even meeting is going to need a determined effort - by him!. You really need to think seriously only of men closer to home, don’t get strung along, if they sound a good prospect meet within 2 or 3 weeks even if you make the first move.
Realistically not much is likely to happen for a couple of months because of Covid.
The only other advice I can offer is make sure they are single

Thank you ladies, so much. I Googled him, out of curiosity. I believe he is what he says he is but without the nice guy part. Absolutely, he should have been. I was looking forward to meeting up. The online world is transient but he's clearly lonely and fed up of the single life. It's just sad when somebody throws a genuine and loyal person away to see what else is available after complaining of being ignored or not meeting somebody suitable. He could have given me a chance and it would have been see what happens.

Playing it cool is better thanks and being then gradually being more distant. Better to let them think it hasn't bothered you. No, no more suggestions of anything. Thanks for saying about changing the self talk. Sorry I'm not coming across well. Just a bit shocked and not used to dating. I might be socially inept from having grown up in the sticks.

Thanks Katie for the advice. You're right. Covid aside, I travel a lot near to where he lives so would have been prepared to do that, providing he came here too! Have no intention of trying dating sites. Will stick to the friends I have, real friends.

I think a lot of men treat online dating like a candy store, they will be happy with a Malteser to start with but will always keep an eye out for a Ferrero Rocher!....?

Brilliant Shinmae, those nuts can be lethal though!

Nuts being the operative word!! ?

It sure is