Disrespectful grandchildren

its typical 13 year old behaviour ,at this age you need to pick your battles or it will turn into all out war .Just walk away from her ,if she doen't geta reaction she'll give up.I speak as the mother of the teenager from hell who has turned into a wonderful caring daughter ,wife and mother

Advise is good about pick your battles but with distance learning her

Mom has to get her to do work. Did your teens have smart phones they were addicted to? She spends all day and night talking to friends around the world.

How horrible for a 13 year old to be in the middle of the pandemic, for sure cannot be easy for her!

Typical teenage behaviour + pandemic not making it easier.

Right now, her cell is her lifeline to her social life.

different difficult times stjohn girl mine wasn't lockedown or being schooled from home for a year .Give her some space ,she'll grow out of it and I can tell you my GC all spend most of their time on phones these days but when lockdowns over they'll be delighted to get back to school and see their friends

Typical teenager, she will grow out of it. This current crisis is affecting the mental health of children this age very seriously, which only exacerbates the problems.

Don't get angry, don't shout back (no matter what the provocation) Just be endlessly patient and just give her the odd hug and kiss in passing,

One day this ugly duckling will turn into a beautiful swan and you will be so proud of your wonderful grand daughter, keep calm and quiet now and she will still love you then.

sounds kind of usual teenage behaviour.
can her mother ration her use of the phone, only let her have it after some work done.
or just stop paying for it, as a bargaining point.

do you live with them or do they live with you who's home?

My GD is the same age, her phone time is the same at home as it is when she’s in school during the week and not allowed in her room at night.

I have 2 x 12 yr old & x 15 yr old DGC so similar teenageYears. All 3 are pretty good re home learning but 12 yr old boy rarely emerges from his room. He is at home with his working at home mum all day 12 yr & 15 yr old girls also do school work on line..also dance a lot, eat crisps, bake, and chat to friends..and sometimes to me on phone! They are home alone!

13 s a very very difficult age and to be locked in must be horrendous, no social contact except their phones, and parents or grandparents that they can’t escape from I don’t think I d have acted any better
Give it time she will become much better when this is over and she can get a bit of an escape
Poor kids I feel for them

Show me a teen with a smart phone that isn't on it 24/7, I do not think there is one.

12 year old GD is having fights with her mother, I don't like the way they speak to each other, but definitely best to keep out of it. I remember how difficult DD was at that age!

i guess you mean rows, arguments; not actual fisticuffs.
at least i hope not !

Well, if your daughter didn't bring her daughter up to obey her when she was little, it will be hard trying to start now that she is thirteen.

I honestly do not understand how a girl of thirteen gets to that age without having been taught to speak nicely to her family.

I suggest your daughter cancels her daughter's telephone subscription, or takes the phone away from the girl and tells her she may have it back when she has finished her school-work, helped in the house and done the washing up.

Why are you bringing children up to be selfish uncaring human beings?

grandtanteJE65 13 year olds can be bolshie, difficult and rude, no matter how well they have been brought up.

grandtanteJE65

Well, if your daughter didn't bring her daughter up to obey her when she was little, it will be hard trying to start now that she is thirteen.

I honestly do not understand how a girl of thirteen gets to that age without having been taught to speak nicely to her family.

I suggest your daughter cancels her daughter's telephone subscription, or takes the phone away from the girl and tells her she may have it back when she has finished her school-work, helped in the house and done the washing up.

Why are you bringing children up to be selfish uncaring human beings?

Did you mean to sound so rude?

grandtanteJE65, really? Were your children perfect at that age? Mine weren't - far from it - and now, I do feel sorry for teenagers, as they're effectively 'grounded' by lockdown.

stjohngirl, try to be as understanding as you possibly can. I know it's really difficult.

If you can manage it, remain (at least outwardly) calm and cheerful. It's best not to take sides or offer any advice - unless it's asked for. It's just a phase and she'll soon grow out of it.

Of course, I agree with you about consequences, but your daughter has her own parenting style. A powerful tactic with grandchildren is to praise everything they do right - and express disappointment when they let you down.

I always remember my lovely Mum saying respect has to be earned and it is not a right of passage. Really difficult time for all of us just now but maybe particularly so for teenagers.

Paddyanne. I had exactly the same with my - now wonderful amazing 40 year old daughter - I have four children, and Lissie (she knows) was the most wonderful helpful caring child until she turned 13 - then ......... oh dear oh dear, such terrible times - and we had 3 years of her rebelling, but when she turned 16 she turned into the wonderful girl she had always been. I really think it's something we as parents have to put up with. 13 is definitely the age of them 'finding themselves'. She is now such a wonderful wonderful daughter, and although this is water under the bridge, she is reminded now and again about it. xx

The words - I love you so much, and will ALWAYS love you, but I don't like you at the moment spring to mind.

grandtanteJE65

Well, if your daughter didn't bring her daughter up to obey her when she was little, it will be hard trying to start now that she is thirteen.

I honestly do not understand how a girl of thirteen gets to that age without having been taught to speak nicely to her family.

I suggest your daughter cancels her daughter's telephone subscription, or takes the phone away from the girl and tells her she may have it back when she has finished her school-work, helped in the house and done the washing up.

Why are you bringing children up to be selfish uncaring human beings?

What a rude outdated view! To 'Obey' her?? The child isn't a slave for goodness sake. Judging by your rudeness you would have been even worse as a teen!

These teenagers have it so hard right now, its one thing for the adults, where the majority got to go to concerts, theatres, museums, play on bikes, be with friends and all the things we used to do...now the kids are told to Stay Home or you risk killing grandma!

You are extremely uncaring if you don't believe this will affect the stress levels of a child, they are still growing and cannot fathom the fearful world we live in right now!
Yes shes angry, so in my book, I would keep reaching out to her, not avoid her, you are one of the few people she has in her circle right now!

Her mood will be low, theres little else to do, her best happiest carefree years are being lived through massive death counts, so I would leave her notes, something she can read without interrupting. Tell her you love her, you are so sorry about what the world has come to, but things will get easier, this isn't the end of all her fun years, and that you will be there for her whenever she needs you.

She might say nothing, but these kids need support, love and understanding right now, not people avoiding their confusion and pain!

I do feel sympathy for young families at this time but children of 13 behaving so badly shouldn’t get away with it ‘because they’re 13’. I wasn’t allowed to and neither were my three children or my grandchildren. She needs to be listened to and encouraged to talk about her feelings but when she’s rational. I feel sorry for (mostly) mums who are stuck at home too, trying to work and juggle their children’s needs - but nothing denies us the right to good manners. Walk away yes but see if you and your daughter can come up with some kind of strategy to nip this in the bud before your granddaughter assumes she can treat whom ever she likes in this way and get away with it. Good luck x

I really feel for your granddaughter- its a horrid time for teenagers and the young.
She is not child nor adult but has 13 year olds hormones from puberty which can always be tricky.
From her perspective she hasn't been naughty yet the world is punishing her:-
-Locked up with your mother and grandmother
-Not seeing your friends in person
-Not being allowed to just hang out because you can't go out
-Not going to your usual environmental independent space- e.g.school
- Not having your usual routine but having to do home schooling.
Its awful for her........
In terms of her doing chores and jobs why not admit we all hate this and that there is more domestic work because everyone is at home at the same time all the time. Sit down and talk about this and devise a rota of some sort that gives time and space to you all. Be realistic though teenagers aren't meant to be compliant and helpful and are meant to be focused on themselves so don't expect her to do 1/3 of the work.