When my darling husband passed away last year he was cremated but when I got his ashes back I put them under a rhododendron bush in our garden over looking the hills of highland Perthsire where he'd always loved, I then planted a beautiful red rose bush over the top, it flourished through the summer and on into to winter, even through the snow. Unfortunately I've now had to move but I've brought the rose bush with me in the hopes it would survive and it has , it makes me believe there's part of him here with me and he approves of what I've done. Just go with your heart op I'm sure the right answer will come to you, as for your neighbour make it known to all that matter and will have responsibility of making arrangements that you want a private funeral, by invitation only.
Lastly although I do agree you need to have these conversations don't get too hung up on them, enjoy each other now for as long as you can, time passes too quickly .