My uncle had said that he wanted no mourners at his funeral, he just wanted to be taken to the crematorium, no one else to be there or he would come back and haunt us! Well, sadly he passed away at the end of May aged 93. Our local undertakers were brilliant. We did have a small celebration of his life, only 6 mourners but the funeral was his life with his interests at the heart of it. Flowers out of our garden. A roulette wheel was spun (landing on one of his favourite numbers) orchestral music during the committal (no singing!) and big band dance music played at the end. I think he would have been happy, well, he must have been as I haven’t seen him yet!
My neighbours husband passed away from cancer a couple of years ago, he left instructions for no mourners at the crematorium and no wake but the family were to sit at the table drinking wine at the time of the funeral. This they did.
Funerals are very difficult, my own feeling is that it is what you do for the people when they are with us not how many tears are shed at the funeral, it is too late then. Once our loved ones pass their energy goes elsewhere, it surrounds us leaving an empty box as a visual reminder. Funerals are meant to bring closure but they seem strained to me.