Advice

I would step in for the sake of your brother.

Sign away anything you'd receive, help your brother - for your brother.

GagaJo, could you not write a letter to your brother, asking if he would like you to help?
Sometimes easier said than done, but, my brother cut all contact with me for years. Then, out of the blue, he relented and we enjoyed a few months of contact before he died last year.
I wish you all the best.

I'm in touch with my brother, well, through his wife. He's not well enough for phone calls etc.

Our mother died at the beginning of the year and he handled all of that. I worry that he'll think I consider him incapable if I interfere.

I think asking if he would like you to help is a good idea.

How old are his children? I had a similar situation with my abusive FIL but fortunately my children (his grandchildren) stepped up to the plate.

His children are adults, but none of them are capable of handling this. I'm not even sure I am, but more so than my poor bro.

Lathyrus this was in my mind too.
I wondered if he might have family who would do it.

You could write to his wife and say you will offer help if she thinks your brother would want you to.
Say you are asking her because you are aware that he may be feeling stressed about it and you love him but you are writing to her as you don't want to hurt his feelings if he wants to do this for your father and is up to it.

Good luck. I hope you at least find out the best way to do this.

GagaJo

His children are adults, but none of them are capable of handling this. I'm not even sure I am, but more so than my poor bro.

Then I would definitely contact his wife.
She will know you both want the best for your brother.

NotSpaghetti that is good advice.

Gagajo I can see the problem. DH faced all sorts of accusations when and aunt and uncle made him the 'neutral' executor, because of fall outs with nearer relatives.

I wonder whether you could discuss this issue with your brother's wife and tell her that if you look after your father's affairs, you wll not use the opportunity to cheat them out of anything, including getting wills rewritten, and put it in writing as well.

Thinking about it, you might not even be able to help if you’re not named as next of kin.

They were awfully strict about letting me have access even to information about my MIL when she was in care, let alone handle any of her affairs.

What a muddle for you.

Even my bro wasn't allowed to talk to our father when he went into the home, because they said it would distress him (dad).

I would send your brother some sort of short letter or card offering to help if needed.

Then you have offered and your brother can decide what help he wants or needs.

That way if you aren't asked you know you offered and if you are asked, you are only doing as asked so less likely to be accused of taking over or trying to get favour?

I think the best advice is to contact your brother through his wife. She will know what he is capable of coping with. She may very well welcome any help you offer. Perhaps explain the same things you have on this thread. I hope you manage to solve your problem, you seem to have a lot to deal with just now. Take care.

I would ask your brother (or his wife) how you can help

The danger with you helping your brother is what the future holds - would you get stuck in next of kin role for years?
This is more than helping your brother, it is about the long term

Gagajoe, what a sad situation, I would do the contact through his wife and work with her. All the best

Hithere

I would ask your brother (or his wife) how you can help

The danger with you helping your brother is what the future holds - would you get stuck in next of kin role for years?
This is more than helping your brother, it is about the long term

I think the problem is, if either myself or my brother don't do it, his OTHER next of kin is my uncle. Who cheated my father, my brother and I out of our half of the inheritance from our grandparents.

So if bro can't do it and I don't, if father dies and uncle is in charge, my brother will get nothing.

Bloody families.

I see your dilemma

Let me ask you, what are the chances your uncle may challenge the will asking your brother gets nothing?

Brother to get nothing

You are in contact with your sister-in-law. Explain to her that your motive is not to inherit; ask what she and her husband would like you to do. She will know the background and be glad of your support.