How reading and her love for her grandchildren helped Heather Reyes come to terms with a serious illness.
Heather Reyes
I was completely taken by surprise by what it was like to be a granny. My own parents, true, had always enjoyed my children - though the chief pleasure of grandparenthood, according to some, is "being able to hand them back when you've had enough". But the fierce, almost visceral attachment I felt towards our first grandchild wasn't something I'd ever imagined I could feel. It was equally strong when the next two came along, and I wanted to be an important part of their lives forever.
But the problem with reaching grandparenthood is that it can coincide with the age when serious health problems tend to emerge. Round about the time my third grandchild was born (the other two were those delightful ages of five and three), I was diagnosed with bone-marrow cancer and initially told I could only expect to live for another four to five years.
During the sleepless night after the diagnosis, I thought mainly about all the important events of my grandchildren's future I would be absent from. If the survival predictions were right, I wouldn't even see the eldest go to secondary school.
Reading was one of the things that got me through, psychologically, helping me keep a sense of proportion, of perspective on my own life and situation.
Happily, thanks to new treatments (I'm on "clinical trials" at the moment), I am still here - and have just heard that my granddaughter has a place at a very good secondary school for September.
During my first period of chemotherapy I had a hard time and couldn't do much more than sit on the sofa and read. And reading was one of the things that got me through, psychologically, helping me keep a sense of proportion, of perspective on my own life and situation. Most of my life I'd been involved with books - as a teacher, editor, writer - and they came to my rescue.
Making notes on what I was reading led to notes and thoughts on reading in general, on the part it had played in my life right from childhood - as it was already doing in the life of my granddaughter who was clearly born with bibliophilia in her blood! By the time that first round of treatment was over and I was in remission, I had the outline of a little book about reading.
The book is now on my children's bookshelves and I hope that, when they are older, the grandchildren might read it and, even if I'm not around in person, find me again in the book.
My main dilemma now is how close I should allow myself to be to my grandchildren. Knowing that I may leave them before they're adults, my love for them is so great that I wonder if I should "pull back", deny myself the joy of the closeness we currently enjoy, so that if I do leave them (though I'm working hard on not doing so), it will be less traumatic than when I lost the grandfather I was very close to.
For the moment, though, I am allowing myself the possibly selfish pleasure of grandmotherly closeness.
Heather Reyes's An Everywhere: a little book about reading, paperback original £8.99, is published by Oxygen Books
By Heather Reyes
Twitter: @Gransnet
I agree with Deedaa, I sometimes think the clinicians are a bit quick with their prognosis in terms of 'time left'.
Give grannydom your all, I'd say. 
Heather, I just want to say that the giving and receiving of love is the most cherished and blessed gift we humans can experience.My grandma died when I was 12, and even now, at the age of 67, I sometimes think of her with a smile.You see, she taught me how to love, unconditionally and we, as grandparents, are given that talent to share wholeheartedly.
So good luck, and go for it! 
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »
