Writer, comedian and presenter, Sandi Toksvig, gives us her guide to being a well-mannered grandparent, and tells us why, though it's often tempting to apply the 'older is wiser' adage, we could stand to learn something from the younger generations themselves.
Sandi Toksvig
Gore Vidal said, "Never have children, only grandchildren". In theory it should be less work and more fun. Being a grandmother ought to be like being a mother but with more fairy dust. It's not always easy though. There is no question that the world has changed. Take child birth. These days, the father is expected to stand and help deliver but that was not the case with my grandparents. My grandfather always associated the birth of his four children with going to buy loose tea. It was customary for babies to be born at home and when the moment for delivery was near, the midwife always sent my grandfather out to buy a packet of tea. She did not want him hanging around when the baby was born.
The fact, however, that there has been change does not mean that I think manners have gone to hell in a hand cart. I believe the wonderful chance for closeness between grandchildren and grandparents has only improved as our lives have lengthened. Indeed, grandparents are essential today in…
The young ought to listen to the elders but that doesn't mean the next generation have nothing to teach us themselves.
Acting as a buffer
These days, the economic situation means even grown up children can take years to leave home so the usual frustrations of young people with their parents play out for longer. The grandparent can be an essential buffer in these relationships - partly by teaching both the younger generations the importance of…
The ‘Do as you would be done by’ leitmotif of manners
You often hears parents moan about their children not having enough respect. The grandparent can stand back from this and remind everyone that respect is something everyone, whatever their age, has to earn. They say wisdom comes with age. In my case I’m not at all sure age has come on its own but there is no question that experience is worth something. The young ought to listen to the elders but that doesn’t mean the next generation have nothing to teach us themselves. Parents caught up in the maelstrom of young people growing up sometimes forget that the relationship needs to be a two way street of listening and talking and of…
Allowing the young to make mistakes
It is too tempting to be the constant voice of caution or even doom as the young progress forward in their lives. It is, however, useful to recall the lessons we learnt from our own mistakes. Biting one's tongue and occasionally allowing for the folly of youth can be a kindness as long as you (and they) know you are there to pick up the pieces when necessary. Grandparents only have one obligation in these instances - never run out of cuddles or biscuits.
Sandi's new book, Peas and Queues: The minefield of Modern Manners, is available now from Amazon.
By Sandi Toksvig
Twitter: @sanditoksvig
I haven't read the rest of Sandi's book, but this brief extract doesn't seem to tell us anything any normal grandparent doesn't know already!
What was that about sucking eggs? 
Yes, so I suppose she's giving an objective view of grandparenting. Do we really need that, though...? 
We can all be wise before the event.
Her present partner is not the co-parent of her three children.
Not sure if she is a grandparent, but, even if she is, it always amuses me somewhat when excited new 'sleb' parents write books telling other parents how it should be done and now a presumably 'new' or 'not yet' grandparent is telling some very experienced grandparents how it all works and how to do it!
I think she is very clever and very funny but not sure that makes her an expert on grandparenting
A new book?
Watch out for her on The One Show, BBc Breakfast, Graham Norton, ITV morning show, Lorraine, all those shows which offer free publicity in the way of entertainment.
At least she will be funny which is more than you can say for some advertising their wares.
To me it is a bit like when I had my babies and read all the childcare books.
However, babies hadn"t read the books so they had their own agenda.
Suppose what I am saying it is alright to spout theories but actually there is nothing like Hands On!!
Anyway off now as a friend has just phoned and invited me to lunch !
Have a fun day , see you later maybe
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