"We pretended that you could have SA without being good-looking, that personality was more important, but we all knew that was rubbish."
That bit's rubbish to start off with.
Things you find stressful that other people don't notice.
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SubscribeThere’s no doubt that the advent of feminism is a great thing. But did it come just that little bit too late for some? Diana Melly tells us about her experiences growing up in a 1950s London that was sorely lacking in fair treatment for women - and about the resounding consequences of that lack.
At eleven I was very pretty and by thirteen attractive to men. I thought of my looks as being an advantage in life. Looking back I can see that, advantage or not, my looks have defined the life I've had.
I was born in 1937, and feminism wasn't really around while I was growing up. The women that my friends and I admired all had what we called SA (sex appeal). We pretended that you could have SA without being good-looking, that personality was more important, but we all knew that was rubbish.
Having passed the 11 plus, I went to the local grammar school. Two years later when I was 14, my parents got divorced and I was sent to live with a strict aunt. Lipstick, ankle strap hoes and off the shoulder tops were no longer allowed.
I quickly realised I had two options: I could go on living with my aunt and study for my school certificate or go and join my mother in London and perhaps even go on the stage. The second option seemed vastly more exciting. Getting a job on the stage proved difficult so I got a job in a haberdasher's in Oxford Street instead. We also sold sweaters. Once a week one of us shop girls would be chosen to stand on a table in a private room and model a sweater while our boss ran his hand up our leg. It never occurred to us that we could object, it was just what a lot of men were like and in those days could get away with.
Once a week one of us shop girls would be chosen to stand on a table in a private room and model a sweater while our boss ran his hand up our leg.
My son Tom is not like that and when I tell my twenty-nine year old granddaughter the things women put up with before we learnt we didn't have to, she is both appalled and fascinated.
I was still hoping for something more glamorous and made a point of buying The Stage. When I saw an advert calling for attractive young girls required as showgirls-cum-hostesses for superior night club in Soho, I applied and got the job. I would earn five pounds a week, twice what I was getting in the shop, and could supplement my pay with tips if I was booked to sit with a customer. I think I was often a disappointment to the clients. I wouldn't go to bed with them and at 15 years old I had nothing of interest to say. Although I had loved reading as a child, I now only read Woman's Own and School Friend.
One night a man came to the club who seemed different from the usual middle-aged businessman. He was young - only 10 years older than me - and he booked me several nights running. Mr Murray, the club owner, didn't like it, "He's not doing your sales any good Diana; he never buys you a flower or even any cigarettes. I don't think you should see him any more. I'm going to ban him anyway because his last cheque bounced."
Naturally, when six weeks later Michael asked me to marry him, I said yes. As I was only sixteen, I had to get my parents' permission. My mother never refused me anything so we forged my father's signature on the letter of consent.
What followed was two years of debt and a baby. Not all pretty women of my generation have taken the path that I did. They went to university, had interesting jobs and had babies that they looked after. I didn't look after mine. He died when he was twenty-five from a heroin overdose. In the end what I regret is not the lack of the degree, it's the lack of care that my son had, who, if he had lived, would now be sixty.
Diana's new book Strictly Ballroom is published by Short Books and is available from Amazon.
By Diana Melly
Twitter: @ShortBookUK
"We pretended that you could have SA without being good-looking, that personality was more important, but we all knew that was rubbish."
That bit's rubbish to start off with.
And what's changed anyway? Does she really think this doesn't still happen? They might have done away with the 'bunny girls' but there are an awful lot of lap-dancing clubs around. And girls still go to London looking for a different life.
Wonder why the book is called Strictly Ballroom? And it did cross my mind that the producers of the film probably have copyright over the phrase!
Should have followed the Amazon link - the writer took up Ballroom dancing when she was 76.
Her second marriage was to George Melly and she wrote a book about that time.
Oh yes! That Melly! (Never bother to look at the books )
I found the piece sad actually.
The last paragrah
Sorry, but I think the writer, thinking that a whole lot of pretty girls They went to university, had interesting jobs and had babies that they looked after. has got things a bit skewed.
Not many people at all went to university back then , did they? I am not so sure there were a whole load of interesting jobs either, though it sounds that she moved in different circles to average.
The last part of course is the saddest part of all. Very sad. But not sure what the link with feminism is. Though that could be just me not joining dots together.
No. There is rarely a link between the blog and the book being pushed.
Really? I always assumed there was. [unless you are joking?]
And it is KatGransnet, in this case, who does the title?
I was also born in 1937 and the life she describes is totally alien to me. We were much more innocent than that.Wearing off the shoulder tops and lipstick at 14!! not in my experience. I only knew one girl of my age in my village who went to university, and how does she justify not caring for her son? she doesn't. A very sad life.
What a silly, frivolous little girl she was. Mind, if her mother encouraged her to wear lipstick and off-the-shoulder dresses at 14 what hope was there for her?
Not joking soon. It is a freebie way of advertising a book. You write a 'blog' for the site, and they let you link to your book.
Must admit I didn't think many women went to uni then. And I assumed the blog would be linked to the book. Clever though, advertising two books at the same time. Not of interest to me though.
KatGN just puts it on the forum, with a little, sort of, foreword.
Not joking soon. It is a freebie way of advertising a book. You write a 'blog' for the site, and they let you link to your book.
Ah. I didnt know that. I dont know much about "blogs".
I assumed that it sort of works the other way round. That someone writes a blog, and then it is picked up by gransnet HQ or whoever.
I just googled for Diana Melly's blog, and couldnt find it.
They are never really 'blogs'. Blogs are ongoing - perhaps monthly. These are just short articles.
Things don't always make a lot of sense on here.
I don't mind really. I won a book when I first joined just for posting a response. Didn't even realise there was a prize!
Out of interest I googled her and read an interview she gave to Lynn Barber in one of the newspapers. I don't think I would have wanted her as a friend. Very unconventional, although it would have been mutual. I would be far too dull and ordinary for her
I read the blurb on Amazon about her marriage to George Melly. I would not have fitted into their world - happy about that though.
Wilma I also "won " a book for responding to a blog but I never received it.
I'm sorry but I find this hard to believe. The laws on the employment of children in this country have a very long history. My mother who was born in 1922 went to work in a cinema aged 15, she spent her first day very happily in what was known as the "soda fountain" a cafe that served until very late. When she got home my grandfather, a good union man, declared she couldn't work the hours she had at her age and went and told the cinema this. They immediately found her other work. Licensed premises such as clubs were very careful to work within the law, and you couldn't work there until you were 18.
Oh, you don't need to bother. I will take extra meds.
Wrong fucking thread!
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