Is this unreasonable honest opinions please?

A very complicated situation, you could probably do worse than get the advice of a lawyer. Of course your Dad should pay his way, and it should be for all the costs of his bungalow, he is taking the mickey! it would have been sensible to get everything in writing first, but at least you can find out where you stand legally.

You can't do anything about his will, that is up to him, he has put £40,000 into the renovations and nothing else, and not leaving you anything further would indeed be unfair, but I don't think you can do much about that, other than call a family conference and put everything on the table to everyone.

If he is gambling away the proceeds from the sale of his house that is really sad, but unless you can get him to seek help, again, not much you can do. I am presuming there is no mental state deterioration going on, in which case you should be seeking a power of attorney quickly, if you could persuade him.

I feel for you, you have bent over backwards to make his life easier, and he has taken advantage.

Oh dear. It's not a happy situation to be in, that's for sure.

I'm assuming from what you've said that there was unfortunately nothing of a legal nature done re what he'd pay and what he'd be responsible for with regards to bills and maintenance? Without that, he probably can get away with being as mean and inconsiderate as he sounds to me from your account.

You don't actually sound as though you particularly care for him - and why should you, we don't choose our relatives! - but if that's the case perhaps the long term benefits to you, your husband and your dad would indeed be best served by you giving him back the full amount of money he's given you along with x number of months to vacate the premises.

As he's 80, he'll be a priority for sheltered housing: your local Social Work department/Housing Department of the local Council, or Citizens Advice will be be able to give you as much information as you/he will need.

It certainly seems totally unfair that you should be paying all his bills and a huge amount of council tax and £20 week was totally reasonable, really just a token sum. I can quite understand why you feel stressed: I imagine you also feel very hurt and undervalued. I certainly would; it sounds to me like he's taking the mickey.

My advice would be to contact the above organisations and find out just what his housing situation would be if you told him to leave. Just be aware that although it seems completely fair to me, you may cause a huge rift in family relationships between you/your dad/ your siblings. Only you can decide if it's worth that risk.

Good luck, I do hope you find a way out of such a stressful situation and your own health improves.

You've posted this twice.

I think this should have all been sorted out legally before any of these arrangements were made. That way you would each of you known what was expected. In fairness I think he should pay his share towards the bills. Can you contact Age UK or Citizens Advice to see what they suggest. It might be that he misses his old home more than he realised and is begrudging because of it. It does sound quite stressful for you and I hope you can find a way to sort this out together.

I suppose it depends how much you had to put in towards the cost of the renovation and building work.

From what you say, your elderly father is now approaching 86 and he has been in the property for around 5 years. Presumably the renovations and extra buildings have increased the value of the property (and I assume your dad hasn't made arrangements whereby he is legally entitled to any share of the current value of the house?).

However, I think he should be paying at least the £2,800 p.a. council tax. (That seems an awful lot of money for a small bungalow - is it correct?)

Your property must now be worth well over £1,000,000, taking into account the work done, the two extra bungalows and the increase in property prices, plus you are renting out one of the bungalows.

I can understand your frustration but unfortunately, as people get older sometimes they become less able to take proper care of their homes, pets and furniture.

Had you not entered into this arrangement with your dad, presumably you could now sell your property, buy something smaller and less expensive to maintain, and release some capital. I expect it would be difficult to do that now as it is your dad's home as well. But would he be amenable to moving into sheltered accommodation if he is eligible for it?

It must be annoying that you will be left nothing in the Will but I can understand his reasoning. You have a valuable property and he says your siblings don't.

I assume the £2,800 council tax is for the whole site, the big house and the two bungalows.
It doesn't seem unreasonable to me for 3 properties to be honest.
Would it be cheaper to register them as 3 separate dwellings? He would then get a sinhle-person rate.

What exactly is the £20 a week to cover? Presumably you could argue he should be paying 1/6 or less of the sewage and pothole maintenance (depending how many are in the other small property).

He's already paying his own electricity. What is the heating system?

I don’t understand this really, it all seems to have been done so very casually especially with the very large amounts of money you are talking about, that’s the bit I don’t get at all even with small amounts of money, a solicitor should draw it all up, not just be done casually
You used £700, 000 to buy a property into which he put £40,000 He pays his electricity bills but spends the rest in the bookies ? Sounds an awful combination but surely you knew his hobbies and dog etc before mum died It isn’t working is it? you are now really resentful
You twice refer to his dog which you obviously don’t like either ( poor dog when Dad goes)
I don’t see why he would be paying for pot holes in the road or council tax that you d have to pay anyway.
He’s 86 he gave you £40.000 from his house proceeds and each sibling £10.000 so you did get £30.000 more than any of them, so I think you have had your inheritance which went put into your house that you will reap the benefits from when you sell
I can’t believe that all these things happened so casually with very very large amounts of money without some legal paperwork
It needs doing yesterday

But he’s your Dad. That changes things in my book. A lot of Dads just move in and pay nothing at all to their family. You are not poor, so why are you stressing?

Have you thought of contacting an established Estate Agent?
Not mentioning Dad, just asking suggested monthly rent and how utility bills should be shared or tenants full responsibility. Then show Dad how much he is costing you.
The 40k, if mentioned, should be stated as him already allocated in advance as your inheritance.

How tricky and I do understand .
Have you thought of saying youve decided to move and downsize and perhaps one of your siblings could host him now or his could look at sheltered X

It's tricky though as I think some country's it's law to look after parents. But I'm reading between the lines your exhausted. Having lost two dad's and a mum I understand exhaustion and a mixed bag of emotions and now I feel completely different . But self care is paramount. Maybe a sibling could now host while you recooperate a bit and view it all with a refreshed mind x

I really don't think that his income - or how he spends it - are relevant. The question is - are you better or worse off due to him living there?

He pays for his electricity. Does your TV licence cover him as well? He's put in £40,000 towards the build - yet you own the property?

He's decided to make a will where you inherit less than your siblings - which seems fair to me.

You say ' We pay all the insurance bills/water bills and the cost of the sewage removal and all the costs involved in maintaining and updating our house and garden. Why on Earth should he pay? Am I missing something?

I don't think the fact that he has more money than you and your partner put together is reason enough to want more from him.
That's just how things turn out, sometimes.
It doesn't sound as if he has been unfair towards you.

I wouldn’t put anyone in a caravan personally, especially not a close relative. Horrible thought. Guess we are all different.

Just wondering if this is resolved yet?
It's a fairly old thread now.

As far as I can see this is the only post parcelady has made so you then have to wonder if it was a real thread anyway she’s probably long gone so I d say we ll never know if it’s true or not