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Is it too late to change?

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gracesmum Mon 05-Mar-12 12:28:18

I find I am increasingly a "glass half empty" person - I can usually see the problems and disadavantages of any new or surprise plan instead of embracing it joyfully. It may be that I am emotionally drained at present and find it hard to cope with change. I can do a crisis really well, possibly because I have no time to think about it, but don't really cope too well with change, lacking flexibility.
I ask if it is too late to change, because I remember my parents in their later years clinging rigidly to a "routine" which brooked no alteration - e.g. if I was driving up to Scotland they had to know exactly when I would arrive, and if it coincided with a mealtime "could I either be earlier or later". I found this ridiculous, but now, like those whose parents suffer(ed) from any form of dementia, I fear becoming like them.
I would like to genuinely smile and say "Yes, lovely" instead of that sinking feeling of "Oh gosh, how I am I going to manage that" or "I am too busy/the beds aren't changed/ the carpets need hovering/my roots need retouching and other excuses blah blah blah.
Should I just practise saying "Yes, lovely" and like Anna in The King and I, "whistle a happy tune" to convince myself?
This is a serious plea- a cri de coeur, not ironic!

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Greatnan Mon 05-Mar-12 12:44:59

The very fact that you recognise this fear of change in yourself suggests to me that you can overcome it. You are not your parents and you don't have to assume you are becoming like them.

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absentgrana Mon 05-Mar-12 12:51:40

Try thinking "What is the worst that could happen if the beds aren't changed/the roots need retouching etc. and then does it matter? That might just do the trick.

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GoldenGran Mon 05-Mar-12 13:18:16

I don't think it is anything to do with your parents, I think some of us, especially those who are "copers", and have stuff to deal with, as you do, sometimes underneath the bravado,get a little anxious and less self confident. I think when that happens you just need a breather and to be kind to yourself. Don't think of dementia, you just have a lot on,and on the outside are coping with everything thrown at you, whilst inside it's" I don't want any thing else, however small to deal with" I think it's a natural reaction and you need a period of looking after yourself. I feel the same sometimes, and when it happens now, I go into hibernation for a while. Take caresmile

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gracesmum Mon 05-Mar-12 13:24:32

Thanks GG, GA and AG - reassuring - I see myself as a "coper" and perhaps try too hard? I just have to practise spontaneity now!

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kittylester Mon 05-Mar-12 13:54:11

I think GoldenGran got it spot on. I know when I am having a stressful time, eg with my mum, I can only see the work, pressure, stress involved when the children all invite themselves for a meal when what I feel deep down is pleasure that they all want to come here and for us all to be together. But, gracesmum, you are having a very difficult time at the moment so don't book into a nursing home just yet! smile

Although, the rest would be quite nice, grin

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Ariadne Mon 05-Mar-12 14:07:55

gracesmum there are such wise responses here. We all know what you are dealing with right now, and maybe because of that you feel you have to make as much else as possible clear and "tidy". As Golden says, younthink you have to hold it all together. You don't have to at all!

You are perceptive enough to recognise it all, and therefore to be kind to yourself; you deserve to be. xx

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