Oh dear, not sure how to handle this current situation at all. It's now 5 weeks since MIL died and the cracks are beginning to show. DH has always had a very difficult relationship with his father and they were estranged for a number of years. They've been on speaking terms for 6 or so years now and obviously were a lot closer while MIL was unwell. Dh doesn't have any great desire to be any more involved than he already is. He's happy to phone his father on a regular basis and go and visit app 6 weekly (we are 150 miles away with no motorway). He also keeps in regular touch with his sister who only lives 5 minutes away from their father so she keeps him informed as to his health etc. The problem is that FIL wants us to go down every 2-3 weeks and we just can't do it. Not only has Dh had 2 heart attacks but he's still working and our children/grandchildren live 70 and 100 miles away so we have to factor them in. We also have our widowed daughter and small gd nearby who need our help and support. My husband says that he will end up falling out with his father again if he sees him too often. FIL is. and always has been, a very unpleasant, selfish and opinionated bully who has told my husband on more than one occasion that he's no son of his. He's never really accepted me as I was a divorcee with two young children when dh and I met 38 years ago. FIL still refers to the girls as 'her children' even though my husband has taken them to his heart - so much so that it was he who gave them both away. The girls were always tarted differently to my subsequent children and not acknowledged at birthdays or Xmas. I've tried to subdue my feelings on this so as not to interfere with what little relationship my husband had with his parents. Now, despite all the hurt and damage he's caused he's putting the emotional screws on to get what he wants. I know he's bereaved and lonely but the hurt he's caused looms large for dh and I and dh is carrying a huge burden of hurt and resentment. FIL thinks he deserves respect and consideration just by virtue of the fact that he is dh's father. There doesn't appear to be a way out of this situation but I can't stand back and see my husband run himself into the ground but my attempts to care for him are only adding to his quandary. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
4 Years On…..Health-wise, Has Anything Changed?
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