OH confusion!!

Is there a time when hubby is in a reasonable state of mind to sit and listen to what you have to say without dismissing your concerns or is he on the verge of being dismissive all day long,I would try and get his attention as soon as you are aware he can understand how worried you are and if not I would insist on a home visit from your Doctor so he can see your hubby first hand and go from there,& ((hugs))

sounds exactly like Alzhiemers, and you obviously know that but can't get him to see it.He will be afraid to admit it may be true.No, you can't drag him to the doctor, but you can [will have to] be forceful with him.There is medication to help slow down the memory loss.Ask him what could be worse than not knowing where he is and scared?What a situation for you.

Oh my post doesnt even begin to paint the picture..Ive tried to talk to him.I told him i spoke to doc..BUT he thinks i'm trying to make him think theres something wrong...that am making it up....and I do know that if i arranged a home visit he wouldnt speak to the doc and would prob walk out....oh dear what a mess.....

sue1169 you have to arrange that home visit so you GP can see just what you are having to deal with. They have strategies for dealing with uncooperative patients I'm sure..
I can see how difficult things are becoming..

sue i dont have any answers but i would fall back on my usual, write DH a letter explaining very gently how the situation is filling your days with stress and list the his actions that worry you most and tell him why they worry you.
I hope he understands your worries. We are all here for you &[cupcake}

sue1169 I so sympathise with you, my FiL was like that, except that in his case it wasn't dementia. He was depressed and clumsy and his doctor knew there was a problem as well so had him coming to see him monthly, even though his only medical problem was high blood pressure. Every visit the doctor asked how he was feeling, 'Fine' he would say, then one day he collapsed in the street. Fortunately outside the surgery, which was also near his home. By the end of the day he had a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease.

The tragedy for you, sue, is you may have to wait until your DH goes for a walk gets lost and either collapses or you report him as missing, before anything can be done.

It is the 'Catch 22'. Neither the doctor, nor anybody else, can do anything about seeing him and assessing his mental condition until he chooses voluntarily to see the doctor and admit the problem. Officially until he admits he has a problem there is nothing wrong with him, so no-one can interfere - until the crisis strikes.

As you say, 'what a mess'. Would he listen if his children spoke to him instead of asking you to act? I know my DD can often get DH to respond well to awkward truths when I cannot.

Meanwhile stay with us, we can only offer sympathy and virtual but many of us have had experiences like yours, or varieties there of, and understand only too well the struggle your life is at present.

I agree about making another appointment and taking it from there as he needs to be assessed

Yes...he listens to the children and he says he will see the doctor...but he wont...and because the actual "episodes" dont happen very often the chances of doc seeing one are a million to one...and I know that if any of you saw him you would think he was ok.but Ive been with him 46yrs since I was 19....and hes just not HIM any more....explaining things to him aaagh but he says i'm an idiot and cant explain anything!!!asking him to do something..results in a slanging match because Im a nag...in Dubai DD told him off because of the way he speaks to me....but he would not be like that if doc came...he just wouldnt...but ladiesvplease dont think i'm beingvawkward and not heeding your advice...I am taking it all in...truly...just stressed....tired?

Is there any way you could arrange for the doctor or nurse to call you both in, for a "general check up" type appointment? It might be a start.

Does he actually still have the capacity to consent? You could see the GP yourself and outline your concerns. It would then be up to the GP to decide what to do. Otherwise its a matter of either trying to convince him to agree to assessment or wait for some sort of crisis. See the GP yourself asap. Good luck.

Yes Jane he does still have the ability to consent...to all..99% of the time he seems ok....BUT!! I live here.i KNOW him..knew him!! The doctor doesnt know him..hes never sick and hes always worked overseas.oil&gas industry.string of letters after his name.very clever...still articulate BUT still the 'Episodes'and personality changes....oh heck...am going to make app tomorrow and speak to the doc again!

Take a list of all the reasons for your concerns. Just list the behaviours though. Try to keep your emotion out of it.

Ok Jane..but why? Oh this is all so new to me.

I really feel for you. My husband was going downhill but wouldn't,t see the doc and it took the crisis of my mother being ill and dieting that finally sent him what I call over the top. He awoke next day and couldn't remember a thing. He knew me but not his son or grandson. Didn't know what he liked to eat or drink. He has improved a tiny bit but needs reminding who is who and has carers to get him up and then just watches tv all day. It is soul destroying after 40+ years but I am still here nd so is he

That is mum died not dieting. Hate autospell

sue1169, I think I understand and I certainly accept all that you are saying. I have some experience of people in the early stages of dementia and it is really very, very difficult. When they visit the doctor they seem to have a sudden surge of mental acuity, and, as you say, cannot remember or choose not to, memory can be very selective, the difficulties they are having.

Could you keep a diary of his dysfunctional behaviour for, say, a fortnight? You would then have something to show the doctor when you go to see him. See if you can speak to your practice's psychiatric nurse, or directly to the memory clinic.

You could also talk to Age Concern They have a fact sheet that may be helpful www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Information-guides/AgeUKIG47_caring_for_someone_with_dementia_inf.pdf?dtrk=true

It might also be helpful to speak to your local branch of the Alzheimers Society or go to their website.www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

Sue1169, please have a look at the alzheimers.org.uk forum. It is called Talking Point. You will find a lot of helpful information re getting a diagnosis. Denial is very common amongst those with dementia. There are lots of different types of dementia. It is helpful to keep a diary of unusual behaviours. Your GP could perhaps call your husband into the surgery for a general check up. I hope that you are able to get some help and support.

Sue I've known of couples before in this situation where one has kept a note of events and discussed them in advance with the gp, who has then called them both in for a 'wellbeing' appointment as MissAdventure suggests. OH will 'psych' himself up to be on top form but if you both go in together and you are 'assessed' first, he will have relaxed somewhat and be more natural when it's his turn. It does depend on having an empathetic doctor though.

PS I hope your DD and baby DGS are doing well - if I remember correctly he arrived sooner than expected didn't he? to all

Sounds like DH. He is in the early stages of vascular dementia.

Ask your GP if there is a Dementia Nurse, or suchlike, in your area who could see your DH.
If the GP or nurse could have a general chat with him at an "assessment" as suggested, he might come out with his ideas that you are making things up, nagging unreasonably etc, which could give away the fact that his thought processes are not quite right.

I hope the links given will help you.

Thank you all.. Truly..feeling bit scared now..bit bewildered. Glad...from my heart that have you all to talk to.... on a happier note yes premature grandson is doing so well and darling daughter recovering from c.section!! May need to go back tho (Dubai)for another 2or3 weeks which brings its own problems...on arriving back yesterday was horified at the state of the house with just OH being here....

What a difficult situation. If you have a smart phone you could try filming him on his nocturnal walkabouts, to show him what he's doing.

Or recording what he says - to show to him or to the GP.

It is a scary situation for you- you must get help with it.

I was going to say the say as SueDonim and FarNorth about filming him?