How's it been for you?

My first husband turned into a self absorbed alcoholic who I stayed married to far too long. Sadly my second husband and I didn’t get the lovely retirement we planned together as he became ill on his retirement and recently died. Seems I’m destined to grow old alone ?

Wow. Lucky MIL! I wouldn't know where to start. So I won't.

Mine has a beginning but no end !!

I’m just back from my walk. So many things have gone wrong for me over the years I barely know where to start . Having my son at 18 was terrible at the time ( but if I hadn’t had him I wouldn’t have him and my beautiful grandchildren) . Being deserted by my babies father was too. Marrying in haste a man I cared for very much but didn’t love ( but resulted in my DD) His sudden death. Going into business. Selling everything we owned to keep the business going during the financial crisis. Oh dear ...

It seems I am one giant mistake !

All that has happened in my life has made me who I am now. Everything shapes us in different ways, both good and bad. I'm of the philosophy that it all happens for a reason, I wish some of it hadn't but it that was the case, I might not be me.

I think perhaps you are right Mabel we are, what our life experiences have made us.

That's probably why I'm such a miserable old bag then!

Same here MissA

How true Mabel2. All the stronger too and able to tackle anything that's thrown at our path. Yes I like that.

Me too. I too am miserable and always waiting for the next bad thing. So many awful things have happened. However, good husband, lovely daughter and granddaughter, lovely extended family, great holidays and I'm still here despite it all.

I can’t accept everything happens for a reason to make me who I am now.

Things happen, no reason .

I totally agree Anniebach.

It’s a random universe isn’t it? Have never believed that things happen for a reason ( as in it was meant to happen.)
I don’t wish to list all the things that have gone wrong on a public forum, but there is plenty ( like a lot of others.)

The first 20 years weren't a barrel of laughs then I left home, lived on my own for 2 years mostly house sharing with other girls.
Married for 10 years with one daughter, that was ok until the end when it got a bit 'messy'
For the past 39 I've lived with the most wonderful man and it's been heaven, couldn't have asked for anything better.

I get that things happen. Sometimes there is a reason. There are horrible people in the world, like my father, who thought it was OK to beat and neglect his wife and children. I'm sure he had his reasons.

When I look back over the first 35 years of my life it is a very sad story but I never really understood that because for most of that time I was 'lost'. Fortunately I have been blessed with an optimistic and positive outlook on life which is why I never saw how awful things were in my younger days. The past 4 years have been the happiest, I feel very blessed on many levels now.

On balance, and up to now, it has been good. But, there have been horrendous times to go along with the happy ones. I agree with paddyann some times have been so awful I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy.

What has made them bearable, I think, is that I've shared most of it with dh and we are a team.

I am so sad for people who have had ( or are still having) bad times.

KatyK
It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I think I realised why my father was such a violent man ( in and out of drink).
It helped me a lot. About the same time I discovered 'battered woman'syndrome. Up until then I was angry with my mother for not protecting us, but after reading lots of stuff on battered women i felt very sad for her.
Have you any information as to why your father was like he was?

Petra It's awful isn't it? I have no idea why he was like this. His sisters and brother were lovely decent people. He left Ireland at about 16 and never went back, not even for his parents funerals. He was handsome and charming to the outside world but our lives were horrendous to be honest.

I would prefer to leave things in the past. I remember all the events that made life difficult in the past but while I have not made a written list of them they are less substantial and can be dismissed.

I once confided in a close friend on something relatively minor, and ended up in it never fading. My friend would, very occasionally, mention it and I knew I had told her. This feeling only ended when, very sadly, she died.

Obviously some things are in the public domain: my sister's death and DD's serious injury and resulting disability (minor, thank heavens) both in road accidents, but that apart, I never list things, just deal with them on an individual basis.

I suppose my life has been fairly OK, lucky in many things and nothing dramatic going wrong.

Looking back though, I feel I have wasted my life and now everything feels hopeless. I feel bad for saying this when I see what others have to cope with but it is the way I feel.

As an eternal pessimist , a glass half empty person ( or perhaps a glass that never had anything in it at all) I am rarely disappointed .

I had a loving and happy childhood. I lived in UK and whilst parents overseas I went to a boarding school for a few years...which I accepted and did not hate Met DH when still young (15) and we have had more happy years than unhappy though the unhappy ones were awful and I would not wish on anyone. We worked through it with hard work and tears. We have 2 fab daughters , 4 lovely DGC and we all live quite close.
Lost both my parents to heart disease when in my early 30s . Close relative has suffered significant mental ill health & attempted suicide, lost his business & marriage and as a result lives with us. A DD is in a very unhappy relationship that is proving difficult to escape from.

I have had an enjoyable career and we are able to lead a comfortable daily life in our partial retirement. Both DH & I have had reasonably good health.. though currently v pixxed off with extremely painful sciatica!
I feel very fortunate to have been able to work, love & be loved. and have a great circle of good friends.