I am really struggling, there is so much uncertainty in my life recently (well for over 2 decades really in total) and myself and my family are the most unlucky people I know ... some people fall and come up covered smelling of roses, but we perpetually come up smelling of s**t!
I managed the first lockdown, just, as a fair bit of it I was in hospital, but seeing my DGC again lifted me up somewhat. My daughter's wedding had to be postponed last weekend, so that was miserable, I have kidney cancer so am due in hospital again shortly to probably lose a kidney; I think I am going to have to sell my house but don't have enough to buy a bungalow in the area I need to be in so am waiting for the Bank to allow me to port my mortgage despite my income being so poor; my daughter is suffering from severe MH issues and is suicidal, my best friend is being abused by her son but is finding it difficult to send him on his way; my Mum is 84 and 190 miles away (came down for the 'wedding' which didn't happen) and having not seen her for a year, I really miss her now she has gone back to her home; I have 2 dogs who are my companions and part of my family and am really struggling to afford to keep them as their insurance is so so expensive, but it is the only company that my vet will claim direct, so that I do not have to pay and claim it back.
I am dreading not being able to see my daughter and DGC again, I need to be with them, they are my small support network and am very concerned that I won't be able to go and see them at all. She doesn't drive so after my op when I cannot drive, I am going to be stuck on my own, again ....
I really do not know what to do, and I really can't find much, other than my garden, (which is better than it has ever been and there is very little to do in it) that will even vaguely lift me out of this deep depression
So sorry to be so desolate, even when I try to do my 'arty farty' bits, I generally only get half way through and end up in a pickle which I then can't be bothered to clear up. Sometimes I wish I would just not wake up one morning.