I live with my OH. Have done for 10 years. We’re not married. I own a house where my daughter lives. The house which is now my home will go to my OHs children if my OH passes before me, as it should. I will have to leave and find somewhere else to live or go back to my house.
I had problems accepting this but have decided I’d rather be with my partner than not. I love him and by and large enjoy our time together. It’s not perfect but what is.
My problem is that I can’t get engaged with the house. It’s a big house and I’ve decorated it - my OH wasn’t bothered and it needed refreshing. The garden is large and I enjoy gardening (in fine weather) so I spend time looking after it. My OH pulls his weight with that. But I keep feeling resentful that I’m putting effort into something that I have no ownership of. My OH wants to build an extension and redesign the house. He keeps asking my opinion and I don’t want to engage with it. I don’t really want him to do it as it will eat into our retirement time, but I understand he has this dream so I’ll support him as best I can. I just can’t bring myself to engage with it in terms of choosing flooring etc. I keep saying ‘it’s not my house, it’s your choice’ and he then looks sad and disappointed. I feel I’m being mean and childish. I’d really love us to sell both houses and buy something between us where we both have ownership but while I’ve said this and he has ‘nodded’ I don’t think it will happen. How do I get my head round this and look at this house as my home in the proper sense?? I need to reframe somehow.
Kate Garroway-Care at home costs
Things you find stressful that other people don't notice.