If you were a cat

Sleeping, sleeping and then a bit more sleeping!

Don't forget the eating in between!

I wouldn’t care what the weather was like because I’d never go outside. In the mornings I’d climb up someone’s legs and chest or I’d take a flying leap onto them and wrap myself round their neck, purring loudly.

Then I’d scratch my claws on a doormat, followed by chowing down on expensive Science diet food.

After that, I’d follow my hoomin around, miaowing, and any time they stopped, I’d repeat the leaping exercise or try and curl up in their lap.

I might beat up my brother if he’s being particularly annoying. I’d need a snooze in the window soon after that, although if a lap becomes available I’ll move onto that.

I’d ‘rinse & repeat’ that all day.

In the evening I’ll alternate between sitting on laps and sitting on the back of the sofa, from which I’ll fall off quite regularly. I always mean to do that, of course.

On nights when it’s a full moon, like last night, my brother and I will go haring round the house at 90mph, chasing each other and howling loudly. Sometimes when we’re doing that we’ll get swept up by the hoomins and unceremoniously dumped in the utility room in the dark. The staff nowadays have no manners at all.

I would loudly demand my breakfast, would stop for a stroke and then find somewhere nice and warm to sleep, later I would loudly demand my dinner......

Bet you never knew that we cats sleep on average 20 hours out of every 24. But, the 4 hours or so when we are awake.....well....just look out.

My son has two cats. They're fed separately, one indoors and one outdoors today.

One has deliberately tipped a water bowl into the other one's dinner, so that one has flung a load of dirt and twigs into the first one's dinner.

Oh dear ?

And we just get dumped in the bathroom.....again, staff problems ! I'm Bella, by the way - I have the RSPCA on speed dial.

I've always said I'm coming back as a cat. Lovely life.

I would spend my day following the sun round the house and sleeping. If it is warm outside I might find a sunny spot in the garden. By night I would be wide awake so go in search of 'presents' for my owner and allow them to run around the house before finishing them off - unless of course they take refuge under or behind the furniture requiring sentry duty until they venture out. Come 5am I would jump on the bed and be a nuisance until I am given breakfast. The dry food left out is not good enough.

Imagine having the power to make crystal clear what it is you want, just by staring at someone.

Sounds to me as if some of you need to train up your staff in better management. I never have to howl for food as I’ve organised my staff to ensure my bowl is always filled with goodies. Of course, I have to have my nightly crack cocaine, too, aka Dreamies.

I'd patrol my area for about 1hr first thing. Spend the rest of the day sleeping until I reminded everyone it was 5pm and time for dinner, aftrer eating I would again patrol my area. As soon as my hoomans turned the light out to go to bed I would take up my station by the hall door (the meanies don't let me upstairs at night) so that they have to give me Dreamies in order to escape out the door.

If I were my cat I would explain to my owner/cat that it is unacceptable to scratch the carpet, wake me up at 5.00, scare my toddler granddaughter and threaten the local bird population and that his job description is to catch small rodents and not birds. In the morning when he is a cat again he will carry on regardless and will continue being a cat. And who can blame him? It’s much harder being a human!

I would swap places with our cat in a whisker. He’s idolised by us two oldies, given the best of everything food wise, and all he has to do is allow himself to be stroked as and when he feels like it. The joy he’s brought into our lives can’t be measured.

My cats just ate corned beef, which I definitely didn't want to do. I'd love life to just be simple right now, find a patch of sun and just relax, watch the birds.

I'm already a sleep lover. Always have been, so I would be a marmalade ?.

Odd...? A cat icon appeared when I wrote above post but when I sent, it changed to a dog.
I meant this ?

Curious...it's changed back ?

Unbelievable! Changed again. ???

?

??

I wouldn't mind being one of my cats. They like it too.

I'd make a big noise until breakfast arrived, purr, play chase with the dog - then spend the day snoozing in various places outside (moving round with the sun, of course).

Around 5 pm, I'd stroll indoors for my mad half hour, climb the stairs repeatedly, claws out, sideways, upside down, whatever - then do my nails on the landing carpet.

I'd show the (really stupid) dog a little affection, then invite it to play (works every time). I'll play the 'hide, then spring out upon you' game, followed by 'you chase me then I'll chase you'.

Time to make a big noise for dinner (show affection to silly old lady, dinner arrives, works every time).

Next, I'll catch the last of the rays on the shed roof before going in to my bed, I'll dig a little hole in that flower bed - for the use of!

2 am, maybe I'll catch a little mouse to release, unharmed, indoors - it does seem to amuse them.

I'd have to come back as the lady of the house. I'd laze around in various spots wherever the sun happens to be then jump on the unsuspecting hooman's desk just when she's trying to type. My favourite pastime would be sitting on the flat thing with keys she seems so fond of then swiping her with my talons whenever she tried to use the moving thing with her hand. That way she'd notice me faster.

I'd pretend to be all sweetness and light and look adorable but only until the mistress gave me food.

I'd learn sign language so that I didn't have to try and hear with my poor deaf ears and train my vocal chords to maximum volume so said mistress would hear me all over the house.

I'd wake her up at various times during the night for food but if she didn't respond I'd dig around in my tray so that she would come and empty it - that way she'll feed me again.

And best of all I'd catch that imbecile of the boy cat whenever he deigned to cross my path. I wouldn't be able to bite him but I'd definitely give him a nasty scratch!

If I was the imbecile of a boy cat I'd have to stay in the summerhouse all day until the she cat who must be obeyed has gone to bed then I'd be able to sneak back in under the cover of darkness and sleep on my favourite male hooman's chair.