DH doesn't want to go on holiday anymore

Yes, it is sad. But as you said, you know the answer. Go away asap for a few days, not too far. And plan for a bigger trip soon. Good luck.

Has he any objection to you going away by yourself? Do you think he wants time away from you for some reason? I have been away on holiday without my OH on a few occasions, it was for perfectly valid reasons and he was not too bothered, it didn't cause any problems. It is sad but assuming there is no ulterior motive for his decision you will have to accept it and begin a new way of enjoying holidays.

I empathise, as my husband is the same. We have a caravan and he loves going there, but that's it! We can't force them. I think you need to plan how you can go on holiday without him.

Thank you for your replies. He won't object to me going away, I've been to family in Ireland in the past without him. He may want time without me but as he won't give any reasons who knows? I think I need to book somewhere. Not what I expected our retirement to be.

Just thinking, perhaps he doesn't like driving any longer, and might enjoy a coach trip here.

What would you (both) do if you couldn't afford holidays? This thought just occurred to me so it has no hidden depth. It might be worth some thought.

To be frank, I can see your husband's point of view.

You know that travelling makes him anxious, but have insisted on him doing so for years, apparently.

So sit down and take a long hard look at yourself. Why are your wishes regarding holidays more important than your husband's?

Then ask him politely if he would mind very much if you book a holiday for yourself alone this spring or summer.

See what he says.

Why drag a man you love on holidays he hates?

I have plenty of activities and hobbies to keep me busy but he sits around most of the day. Writing this is making me wonder if he's depressed. As to driving he seems OK, we have a son who lives a couple of hours away and he doesn't mind driving there, neither do I. I wish he'd open up and tell me the real reason.

My husband did the same thing when I was 60. No rhyme or reason behind the decision that I could see so I made my own decision to start travelling solo. He wasn’t at all happy about that initially and said he was very hurt that I’d even consider going without him! But I thought I might have too little active life left to pander to him and just sit at home. Fortunately I have my own money so could fund myself otherwise that might have been another problem.

So up to Covid coming along I had 10 years of solo holidays both abroad and in the UK and it was really lovely to be able to do and see anything I wanted to. There are so many things I’ve done and places I’ve been to that wouldn’t have happened if he’d still been holidaying with me.

Post Covid things have changed a little because he’s decided that he’d like a winter sun holiday each year before he gets too frail. So that’s what we did together last year and will do again in two weeks time. But in my mind now those are his holidays and I’m just along for the ride. I have no intention of giving up my solo holidays until I have to.

I completely understand how difficult this is for you and how upset you must be though. Holidaying alone is a scary thing at first but I’m so glad I plucked up courage to go solo.

grandtanteJE65

To be frank, I can see your husband's point of view.

You know that travelling makes him anxious, but have insisted on him doing so for years, apparently.

So sit down and take a long hard look at yourself. Why are your wishes regarding holidays more important than your husband's?

Then ask him politely if he would mind very much if you book a holiday for yourself alone this spring or summer.

See what he says.

Why drag a man you love on holidays he hates?

I can see what you're saying but I don't think I've dragged him on holiday. He loved our holidays once he was there, it's just the travelling he dislikes.

Grannytomany

My husband did the same thing when I was 60. No rhyme or reason behind the decision that I could see so I made my own decision to start travelling solo. He wasn’t at all happy about that initially and said he was very hurt that I’d even consider going without him! But I thought I might have too little active life left to pander to him and just sit at home. Fortunately I have my own money so could fund myself otherwise that might have been another problem.

So up to Covid coming along I had 10 years of solo holidays both abroad and in the UK and it was really lovely to be able to do and see anything I wanted to. There are so many things I’ve done and places I’ve been to that wouldn’t have happened if he’d still been holidaying with me.

Post Covid things have changed a little because he’s decided that he’d like a winter sun holiday each year before he gets too frail. So that’s what we did together last year and will do again in two weeks time. But in my mind now those are his holidays and I’m just along for the ride. I have no intention of giving up my solo holidays until I have to.

I completely understand how difficult this is for you and how upset you must be though. Holidaying alone is a scary thing at first but I’m so glad I plucked up courage to go solo.

How inspiring! Can you give me any tips? How did you start off? Do you go with groups or totally solo? I have the money and there are so many places I want to visit.

Maybe he just prefers being at home nowadays.
I’m a bit the same. We do go away, probably two trips abroad this year, but dh is generally rather keener than I am - he’s been away on his own, or with a brother, several times times now, and another trip planned soon.

I’m quite happy with this - how would your husband feel? Not that I’m saying that you shouldn’t go if he doesn’t like it! He’ll just have to lump it.

I'd be estatic with two trips abroad! I really don't think he'd be bothered if I went without him, I'd just rather go with him

I m probably ten years older and was a great traveller loved it now I don’t want to go anywhere and it’s not Covid I did travel during Covid when we could , obviously, but it’s like a brick wall has come down and I cant seem to make myself want to go far away from my home

It seems your husband had never felt very comfortable about travelling as you say you ve had to put things in place before perhaps Covid and the lack of going anywhere has played into his anxieties

Would he go for a weekend somewhere nearby that would not involve more than an hours travel perhaps a little cottage Start small and see if you can get him comfortable with that the move a bit further away Tiny steps instead of a big confrontation where he will feel silly and dig his heels in out of embarrassment and fear

I believe that Saga do excellent holidays where "singles" are well looked after and there is as much sociability as you might want or not want.

It was the other way round for me with Ex - I was the homebird. I went on holidays but after 5 or so days just wanted to be at home.

I felt OK if he'd wanted to go way alone, but he didnt want to. this caused tension.

anyway, have a look at this web page on Saga, its got great choices and they have a good rep

travel.saga.co.uk/?pid=WB033&scid=ppc-g%7Ctrv%7Cholidays%7Cna%7Cgoogle%7Cna%7Cbrand_term_-_holidays:Brand%20-%20Core_Phrase%7CCore_-_Pure_Brand%7Csaga&infinity=ict2~net~gaw~ar~635836401083~kw~saga~mt~p~cmp~(NEW)+Brand+-+Core~ag~Core+-+Pure+Brand&gclid=Cj0KCQiA8t2eBhDeARIsAAVEga30p6SoL_5mOuBJ970qAOFXN2d11CbjvylBlz552ZHHXdgiHKyHcgUaAs_1EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

He won't consider a weekend away unless it's to visit our son. We had two big holidays abroad last year but these were with family, it's making me think he doesn't want to go away with just me! After 45 years it's not a good thought. I'll have to find a way to get him to talk about it.

Spent years with OH being so anxious about holidays, but actually loving them when we got there - grrr!

He has died now and I have plans for holidaying alone, but health has got in the way so far.

Go ahead on your own. Life is too short and all that.

The saga holidays linked above look great - but the price!!!

Perhaps you’re reading to much into it Chattykathy look at the clues travelling has always made him anxious he sounds as if he’s never been comfortable going away
Perhaps going to his sons feels ok because he doesn’t have to do anything re arrangements or see you take it in hand and make the arrangements perhaps he feels ok going abroad as a family because again he s sort of cacooned and not seen to be ineffectual at organising it
Perhaps he feels inferior that when you go away together he leaves it all to you because he’s not up to it
I doubt it s not wanting to go away with you unless you know there are marriage problems much more likely that it’s his pride and feeling useless getting in the way
If you have a good relationship why not talk to him about it

Some very unfair and unkind comments here- sad.

BlueBelle- ChattyC has said clearly that he won't discuss it.

Thank you @BlueBelle. I don't think we have marriage problems! He's always very reticent to talk about anything meaningful, he prefers to ignore stuff with the hope it will all go away. I tried to bring up booking holidays at the weekend and it ended in a row with him saying I'm trying to bully him into going on holiday, hence this thread. I will have to tread carefully I think. Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and help. Just looked at the Saga holidays, they are expensive but it might be the way to go. He's also a bit tight so when he realises how much I'm spending on just me he might change his mind

Sorry many men are like this including my ex, don’t want to do anything that you want to do you either go on holiday with a girlfriend, put up with it, or leave him.
I took the latter option and found a man who did want to travel and do things together, I rate myself very lucky.

You say you wish he'd open up and tell you the real reason. It seems to me he has told you the real reason: he doesn't like travelling. Presumably you don't mind travelling so you haven't really understood his aversion.

I do feel for you OP your husband is far too young to be sitting around the house all day. Not good for him or you.
Does he not have any friends he meets for activities even if it’s just going for a pint.
I was thinking is he depressed or has he always been insular not having any hobbles or sporting activities.