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When my DDs were small we often went on holiday with my mam and dad. One year we went camping in Cornwall and visited a farm attraction. DD2 was 2 at the time. We were standing at the edge of a large fish pond watching the fish swimming around. DD2 was very excited but not as excited as my mam. All of a sudden a fish jumped out of the water and in her excitement my mam swung her arm, caught DD2 between the shoulder blades and somehow flung her into the pond. I then had to wade in to retrieve my spluttering, soaking wet child. Fortunately it was a warm day so I stripped her to her underwear and we both dried quite quickly but there was a distinct aroma that clung to us all day and we got some very peculiar looks from other visitors.

It was a dark and stormy night in 1981. I had arrived at a farm cottage with my two very small children in the late afternoon, to prepare our rustic weekend accommodation for the other family who were joining us, and who were bringing my husband with them, picking him up after work.

In Africa, there is no twilight. It is light, and then it is pitch dark. Boom. Just like that. I lit a few candles. The cottage had no electricity, no telephone, it was at the end of a dirt track in the middle of nowhere. Where were the others?

The night was full of scary sounds and threatening shadows flickered on the walls. The children became fretful as thunder rolled in the distance. Eventually I decided to leave, not knowing what was going on. I coaxed the children outside and into the car by the light of a tiny torch and set off, trembling. After driving back along the track, in the far distance across the open veldt I saw car lights. Quite petrified by now, I stopped and peered, shushing the children who were grizzling on the back seat. Yes, the car was coming towards me. It was them! They had got lost as night fell.

I don't think I've ever been so pleased to see my husband

Later, when a bonfire lit up the starry night sky, and with the children tucked up safely in bed, the flickering shadows on the walls we're just ... charming.

Last summer mum who's in her mid 70's decided to come and stay for a holiday with me. Mum is very keen on the beach so I suggested a walk along the beach to a lovely cafe where we could have lunch looking out over the beach and towards the sea.
Everything started off well, we trotted along on the sand until we reached a stream. I suggested to mum that we walk up to the top of the beach and cross at the footbridge but mum said she wanted to leap across.
Now at this point I must just tell you that it was a gorgeous day and so the beach was reasonably busy, and that mum was proudly carrying her new Radley handbag.
Anyway, mum was adamant she was leaping so I offered to hold her hand bag but she said no thank you she could manage.
Mum leapt first.
It was like a slow motion bit in a film, as she first leapt but then landed flat on her face in the middle of the stream clutching her handbag.
It was one of those horrible moments when you want to roar with laughter but are also filled with absolute horror that she may have broken her hip or worse.
I hurried to mums aid, she was unhurt but wet through and covered in sand and mostly worried about her handbag.
Mum insisted on continuing the beach walk for lunch, and fortunately as the weather was sunny we sat outside for lunch and she dried off.

When we were on holiday to France at the airport, our flight got cancelled twice and third time lucky but with a long few hour delay. We ended up missing our coach transfer to the hotel and had to pay over $80 for a taxi as the coach company was finished and closed for the day and we could not get in contact with anyone from the coach company. To top it all of we missed out on one day of Disneyland, breakfast, lunch and dinner as by the time we got to the hotel it was passed midnight ?

Re the "we're" in the last sentence of my post, it's not me, it's the darn autocorrect! It should be "were" of course, but every piece of technology I use is obsessed with apostrophes.

Was going to post a funny story ( our family seem to have many) but then saw that this holiday is for a Winter break, so will pass on this one.Had it been in Tenerife though.....

Okay, so when I was a child, camping in Spain was a favourite pastime. One year I was bitten particularly badly, and so my mum went to the first aid kit and grabbed a tube, peered at it without her glasses on, said "this is the stuff!" and began rubbing it all over my legs. After a couple of minutes, realising that the "cream" wasn't disappearing, she got her glasses, read the label, and hurriedly pushed me in the shower.

My parents couldn't decide who's fault it was - my mums for not having her glasses on and realising she was putting glue on my legs, or my dads for putting the tube of glue in the first aid kit....!

The funny incident on a terrible holiday to North Wales many years ago with my family in the 1970s allowed us to smile after a week of torrential rain and bedbugs, so Mum sensibly moved us on from the dirty rented flat to a chalet on a holiday park, covered in dog hairs according to mum. However, we 3 kids did not notice these! My youngest brother, Mark, was only about 3 and he needed a shoulder carry from my Dad, as his little legs were tired from walking so far. Whilst being carried, Mark decided he would wee down my poor Dad's back. We three kids found it hilarious, not so much Dad!! And my Mum was walking around all week in dark sunglasses ALL the time as she had fainted and hit her face on the floor and had a massive bruise. Aww not our best break as a family.

On holiday in Cornwall last year, we were travelling along a country lane, when the car in front suddenly stopped. To the right of us a Cow had suddenly appeared and was looking from left to right from the hedgerow bordering a field. She looked at the two cars and deciding it was safe enough plodded across the road and in to the opposite field. No sooner had she gone, than another head appeared round the hedgerow, looking left to right and slowly crossing the road. We sat and watched with wonder while the whole herd crossed the road like this one at a time. How clever are the cows in Cornwall to have such brilliant road sense!

When on holiday with one of my best friends and our kids, we arrived in our villa in Portugal where it was really hot and first thing we did was try to get the air con on. We found the controls on wall and a remote device but it didn't have many buttons, we tried everything but nothing worked so had to phone for assistance.
A maintenance man turned up as we said its broken he picked up the remote and slide it open to reveal the controls!! we had no idea the remote even opened so felt like right English idiots! and apologised for wasting his time.

It was a hot sunny day & we were trying to find our way back to Tarragona. I had the map navigating & told my Husband to turn, which resulted in us meeting five lanes of on coming traffic, horns blaring, brakes screeching. The amazed policeman on duty blew his whistle loudly, & gestured (with his GUN)for us to pull the hire car on to the pavement. He spoke no English,& us no Spanish. I pointed to the map, & then at my red faced,young daughter sleeping on the back seat. 'Bambino,' suddenly he had a light bulb moment, & a smile appeared. He stopped the traffic, holstered his gun, & pointed at the map, gesturing the next turning, & waved us off. WE breathed a huge sigh of relief, & thanked God the Spanish love children!

IT was in the 70,s we had all gone on a caravan holiday up the Northumbrian coast my dad went for fish and chips for us while we all unpacked my mum opened the caravan door to see if she could see him as it started to get a bit late. She stepped outside and the next thing we knew she was flat on her face in the grass and the mud(it had rained earlier) unbeknown to us dad had moved the steps outside the caravan thinking they might be slippy and my mum had fell flat on her face!! A local fisherman passing looked up and said ' you should have taken more water with it pet!' We often laughed over the years about the above incident! Yes we did get the fish and chips and dad git his lukewarm!!!

When I was a child my dad used to take us camping. We hated doing the chores so used to run away after dinner to the players park so my dad had to do all the washing up.

Good afternoon folks. I watched a fascinating documentary about tigers recently, and seeing those magnificent but sadly endangered creatures in the wild reminded me of a holiday incident many years ago, which is accurately recorded in my poem below. Every word of it is absolutely true….

A Tiger's Tale

On holiday in Germany, in 1982,
One weekend with my family,I visited the zoo.
Cologne’s a lovely city, and it’s zoo had world-wide fame,
I know that attitudes have changed, as nothing stays the same,
And yes, I now prefer to see those creatures in the wild,
But back then such a visit was a rare treat for a child.
So we wandered in the gardens, with the children so excited,
Especially when the famous Bengal Tigers were first sighted.
The day was scorching hot, and as they lay there in the shade,
Those Tigers were magnificent, but not a move they made.
I’d seen the Esso advert, and you know how that great creature,
Moves with catlike grace around the place, a most attractive feature.
So I thought I’d wake that Tiger up, so foolish now I see,
I made a growl, like on the prowl, that Tiger looked at me..
Got to its feet and stretched itself, just stood there in its den,
But made no further movement, so of course I growled again.
We stood there now delighted as that Tiger slowly came,
So elegantly feline, did it see us just as game?
It walked right up to those cage bars, now barely feet away,
And calmly looked us in the eyes, just as if to say :
“You’re standing there all safe and sound, you think you’re on a winner,
But if there were no bars there, you’d be this Tiger’s dinner”…
So feeling smug, I growled again, no danger of attack,
That Tiger knew it had no chance, so merely turned its back.
But then it lifted up its tail, and craftily let fly,
A stream of steaming Tiger wee, which barely passed me by,
And hit my wife full in the face, an awful thing to see.
I tried my hardest not to laugh, impossible for me..
The kids thought it hilarious, as the wee dripped on her dress,
As we walked up to the toilet block, to try to clean the mess.
A helpful local cleaner there now pointed out too late,
A notice on the Tiger’s cage, up high there on the gate,
In German it advised you not to get up close to see,
Or that irritated Tiger might baptize you with its wee.
I tried to cheer my wife up, but I was doomed to fail,
“You’ve been wee’d on by a Tiger, and survived to tell the tale”.
That didn’t go down well of course, and although it’s been a while,
Today when I see Esso signs, I always have to smile.
Don’t get too close to Tigers, and stay clear of their flank,
Or with a squirt, they may assert what’s stored there in their tank…

In Barcelona a sat on a street bollard as I was struggling. No-one told me they disappeared into the floor on the approach of a registered vehicle.................

We stayed in North Wales when the boys were small on a farm . One of the boys let a pig out of his pen and we had a really hard job returning the pig trying to avoid the farmer finding out!

One summer we stayed in a gite in deepest Charente owned by a 60 something bachelor farmer. Nothing matched, the teapot had no lid, cobwebs festooned the ceilings, the material over the 4 poster was shredding with age - you get the picture. DD1 aged 11 pulled the curtains which were about a12' drop and the whole lot, rail, plaster and all fell to the floor. We spent the next day at the equivalent of B&Q acquiring a screw driver, screws, bag of plaster and rawl plugs (I speak reasonable French, but rawl plug defeated me!) so DH could fix it. All going well so far but no ladder and DH was somewhat vertically challenged. Eventually we had a table on top of another table with a child and me at each leg clinging on for dear life while Dad climbed up. After that curtains were Out of bounds for the rest of the holiday, so wobbly was the repair. On departure we read a previous comment in the visitors book which read 'this house isn't called La Maison sans Rideaux (the house without curtains) for nothing'. Best holiday ever and many happy memories ...

In the early 1950s my parents and I, two of my aunts and uncles and their 2 children each, had a holiday in three holiday chalets in St Osyth, Essex. These chalets were very basic, and only one had running water, but only from a water tank that had to be filled from a nearby stand pipe. As one of my aunts had only recently given birth to my baby cousin it was decided that her family should have the chalet with the running water. My father and my two uncles filled buckets from the standpipe and climbed a stepladder to fill the tank. They couldn't understand why the tank showed no signs of getting fuller, until they discovered my aunt rinsing the baby's nappies under the tap from the tank, so emptying it faster than it could be filled. She was not too popular at the time but it caused many a laugh at family gatherings over the years.

On holiday in France, the 3 children were playing crazy golf. DS1 who is 4 years older that DS2 was winning and metaphorically rubbing DS2's face in it. Then they hit the last hole. DS2's ball flew through, DS1 missed and then had to put in what felt to all of us about 100 shots. His face was hilarious. AND DS2 still has the score card. After nearly 30 years!!!

Many many years ago we were on a belated honeymoon in Tunisia. We decided to go on a 2 day coach trip into the dessert to an oasis. When we got there who should we bump into but my old college lecturer and his wife.
That evening we went to a traditional nomadic evening around a campfire,afterwards there was a display of traditional dancing and one of the dancers picked me to twirl around his head. OMG ,

My brother decided to take our father's ashes with him on holiday to Christchurch, as it was a favourite family destination. As he scattered the ashes over a cliff top, the wind blew them inland all over someone's picnic. My Dad would have been very amused!

One year we decided to enjoy a Christmas holiday in a Danish farm house situated on the boarder with Germany.
our holiday was a catalogue of disasters. firstly the snow became so thick that the farm was cut off.The farmers daughter aged 18,decided to try to go to the village for further supplies, and managed to slip on an icy ploughed field, splitting her leg open so badly that an ambulance had to be called! Unfortunately, the ambulance became stuck in the snow, so they called out a Danish Army tank which couldn't get through then a helicopter to rescue her, and take her to hospital. the farmers wife was reluctant to leave with her daughter, due to the guests at the farm, so my mother was asked to go instead.unbeknownst to us the whole rescue was being filmed by a TV station for the news and my mother and I were thus shown standing by a whirling helicopter in our nighties and slippers! Not the glamourous TV appearance of your dreams!.
Matters were then made worse because the farmer who had become trapped in the neighbouring town when the snow fell, could not get back, (he spoke English and German) the farmers wife spoke a little English but no German and the only other guests were elderly Germans who spoke no English! the farmers daughter had spoken English and German but of course she wasn't there either! The central heating then broke down and it was left to me with my 0 level German to explain to them what was happening,why there was no heating,and why we were all living on meat balls!!
I have to say despite numerous holidays since this is still one of my most exciting?

Probably when my mum was with us on holiday she started putting sugar on her chips thinking it was salt. So funny!!