Me again. I hesitated to post again here, but decided to do so because I appreciate the kindness shown to me here, and not only by those of you with whom I've exchanged private messages.
There will be some here who will no doubt feel and express a negative reaction. That will say more about them than it ever could about me, so frankly, it won't upset me one little bit.
My concern is for my grandchildren, and the recent contact with them has only deepened the concerns, not just for me, but for my two wonderful older daughters, other family members and friends.
My DH went to pick up the 3 younger children from school on Monday. One had been kept at home with a terrible cough. The other two emerged from school and one of them, who is on the milder end of the autistic spectrum, was very agitated. She shouted out that she wasn't going to come for tea because "Mummy could have been sent away and Daddy sent to prison" because of Granny speaking to the social worker.
My DH dropped her off at home and brought her sister here. She was very withdrawn and uncomfortable. I did say that I knew everyone had been upset including Mummy and Daddy but that I had wanted to make sure the 3 of them were safe, after what she had told me. She nodded, and managed to say that things were better now.
She had a special meal and a special dessert, and ate well. She watched a favourite TV programme, and cuddled up to DH. She would have always done that with me, so I left the room, as I was getting upset. She came to find me to say goodbye, and asked if she could come again on Wednesday.
That could have been politeness or confusion. Her sister, after making a scene outside school, had later asked DH when they were having a sleepover. She also said that her brother had cried because he couldnt come. Poor kids.
My DH later emailed my SIL, who had asked him to pick up the children. He described what had happened and then said that although it had been an uncomfortable experience for him, more importantly, it was much more difficult for the children. Ending by saying that although we will always be happy to see the children, it has to be what they want, not to meet the needs of the adults in their lives, (their Mummy tends to offload their care onto other family members to a huge extent). Therefore DH asked SIL to request others do after school pick ups, to prevent further distress to the children.
I have let the social worker know what the children are saying, and about their confusion. My older daughters have been very angry with their sister for causing the children unnecessary added distress. They share too our concerns that the children will never feel able to confide in someone if the abuse by their father and older brother resumes.
After a heartrending emotional response initially, I am feeling fairly accepting of the situation for myself. I have enjoyed every minute of the huge amount of care of the children for nearly 8 years, but it has taken over my life, and my DH's too. And I'm sorry to have to say it, but no longer having to deal with their parents is something of a relief.
xDo you live abroad and long for home ?
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