@Icanhanthemback
When I say "find a way of not hurting" I meant that I need to heal inside. If I have been inflammatory or hurtful, it would help if those affected would have been honest enough to point it out. If they have and do not, there is nothing to work on. I have actually been very self controlled with my son and his wife. When they went quiet, I went quiet as well so as not to chase them. I am not sure why they went quiet, but I think they are still looking for ways to hurt me like they were when they lived with us.
We literally could not have done more for them, but without explaining the situation and how we helped it's hard to say. I can't explain because of anonymity. I feel like for every good and kind thing we did, we got more and more disrespected - and my son also did say he disrespected me. The situation was abusive and that's one of the reasons we asked them to move out (it was only meant to be temporary anyway, but they were trying to manipulate)
I also want to put right anything I might have done, but honestly don't see how I could have done much differently due to the way they were treating us before we asked them to move out. I had hoped that relationships would improve with them having their own space and for a while things seemed to be ok but they have suddenly gone quiet again for no apparent reason.
I said more on Gransnet than I have ever said to either of them. I have felt like they were being manipulative, so I have never reacted to them in any way. I would love things to be resolved, but if I keep making all of the effort I am in a one sided (basically unrequited love) relationship that's abusive because I'm being treated like trash.