Discussing estrangement with extended family

I am going to post from the EAC point of view.

Many EAC have said that when they estrange a family member, other family members take sides or judge. It is difficult for people who do not live in the dynamics leading to estrangement to understand why we would make such a decision.

It is normal for the EAC to make the decision to cut off anyhow who we might THINK would judge us or try to interfere, even thought that could be further from the truth and we don't know unless we talk to that person.

She now knows your story and has reached out. It may very well be that she wants you to know that you have family in her. IMO, I would let her know you feel venerable and would like to have contact with her, but also state your boundaries. Obviously you do not want information about you getting back to people you have chosen to estrange.

Thank you freedomfromthepast. I think you're right. I am sure that her family know how mine are/were. Many people have commented about my mother especially (abuse etc) and more recently how they have treated me over the LPA resulted in me cutting contact and her mother (my aunt) knows about this and sympathised. This was about 2 years ago. I don't like to burden people with my problems.

I don't think you are burdening anyone. You are rebuilding a relationship with extended family.

I’d look at the email as an olive branch. That said, I’d be inclined to keep the conversation away from the causes of estrangement etc. That way you can build a new extended family relationship without the shadow of the past hanging over you. I wish you every success and hope this gives you a renewed family connection.

I also think it would be better to stay away from the topic of estrangement. What matters is who you are and who she is and she obviously wants to be in touch.

I am glad she did reach out to you, she gave you her email which is great and I hope you can build a relationship again. Just make sure you protect yourself and don't share any info you would not want your estranged person to know until you have built trust.

I would take it one step at a time Shelbel. It's understandable that you are cautious and I think you're right to be so.

Avoid any talk about your estrangement and enjoy having your cousin back in your life.

Thak you all for your thoughts. I will be keeping it light in my communications with her.

I haven't had any contact with the side of the family from my estranged parent. It was a long time ago now but I know others have joined in the general gossip about me, which is fine as I am not that bothered anymore. I think you need to ask yourself what YOU want from this otherwise it will cause YOU upset and disappointment too.

FWIW I think that's the best way to go Shelbe1 and I hope that things work out for you and your cousin.