Just to see the children

theworriedwell

Just to add I think my late MILs situation was linked to her being widowed very young and making my DH the reason for living. Too much of a burden for a little boy but I think it is an easy trap to fall into. His way of dealing with it was to be a bit ruthless if she overstepped the mark, his view was if she got away with anything she would just go further next time. It wasn't easy for either of them.

I think your husband sounds like a strong man and you are a strong woman who doesn't apologise for having her own thoughts and opinions.

I am going to learn from you

You can understand how that can happen theworriedwell, he must have become her whole world when his dad died. Not easy for either of them as you say.

Thank you VioletSky.

Smileless it was sad. He has no memory of his father at all, he was a baby when he died.

I can't remember who wrote this If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. but I don't think she ever understood that. I've always tried to remember that with mine but I can't pretend it would be easy if you are a widow with only one child.

Theworried EstGP talk more about their GC because they know they will grow up and forget them, whereas the AC will be the same, as they are fully grown, The treasure of watching your GC grow gone forever! As Smileless has said, when I visited my now estD & GC, I would be chatting with my D the whole time & thereafter playing with my GC.

I've only heard the 'stories' of GM requesting to have their GC on their own from quotes from MN, which I find quite bazaar & hard to believe. I only look after my GC and have them stay over if my DD asks because she and her H are going out, or when my DD had her second child. Although my eldest GD has ask to stay when she has visited with her mum for dinner as she enjoys staying, being made a fuss of. It gives her mum a little break too.

theworriedwell

Hetty58

Good point - I feel much closer to my own children than my grandchildren - it seems natural to me.

It's not just me then. I just feel that seeing my children would always be the priority with the GC as the bonus.

Yes that's how you feel, that's how I felt, till your cut out!

I've often thought about those words theworriedwell. So painful to think that our ES was never ours, when we loved him so much and thought he loved us too.

Smileless2012

I've often thought about those words theworriedwell. So painful to think that our ES was never ours, when we loved him so much and thought he loved us too.

I'm sure he did love you, you would have been his world when he was a little boy, no one can take that away not even him.

I suppose it is hard to know what to do for the best now other than to get on with your life. Maybe one day he will see things differently. I know with mine when their children became teenagers they suddenly saw somethings differently.

My eldest son, the divorced one, is the one who would probably be described as being low contact with me at one time. He went through a hard time and of course you lash out at the ones you love. Now his children are very definitely at the difficult teenage years we are much closer. He's already phoned me this morning to ask how we are and relate what GS has been up to.

Your other son must be a great comfort.

Thank you theworriedwell for such a lovely response.

You're welcome Smileless.

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