No contact with Narcissistic Mother

The reality is a narcissist will rarely be diagnosed.

A narc never understands the effect of their behaviour, always thinks they are right,has no empathy and will believe their problems are everyone else’s fault.

I diagnosed my mother as a narc.

Growing up hearing “I rue the day you were born” You will end up in the gutter” “Your brothers got more sense in his little finger than you’ve got in your thick head” was a clue.

Her turning a blind eye to my fathers beatings were a clue, I could go on, being beaten by her because I washed the kitchen floor with a mop not a scrubbing brush ( I was 11)
Christmas 1972 I got a paperback book, my brother got a Sony tape recorder!

I never had any love or affection, the only brief respite was being diagnosed with clinical depression age 8, I was treated a little better for a few weeks but my school was blamed!

Bridie22 that’s a bit harsh on VS but as she rightly says we are here to respond to Susie345 who started this thread, looking for support and understanding and asking if anyone could relate to her experiences. Susie345 needs help in getting her head round this. When I was a carer there were special sessions run by the local carer’s organisation. We were encouraged to write down our thoughts so I think journaling can only be helpful to Susie as she continues to come to terms.

VioletSky, I wasn't the one that challenged the use of the term.

I agree we should just get on with supporting OP. Her experience of her mother is what matters. A lot of us have been there and understand how difficult it is, especially at the beginning of the journey.

I'm sorry you had those experiences Sago.

CafeAuLait

VioletSky, I wasn't the one that challenged the use of the term.

I agree we should just get on with supporting OP. Her experience of her mother is what matters. A lot of us have been there and understand how difficult it is, especially at the beginning of the journey.

I know you weren't and it was really meant to be general but I know you would understand too, if that makes sense

"The reality is a narcissist will rarely be diagnosed" absolutely Sago because it's never their fault, because they are always the innocent victim, they're extremely unlikely to ever seek professional help.

If they do, it's likely that the behaviour they're describing in their tormentor is fact their own, and the affect that behaviour is supposedly having on them, is what their victim is going through.

There's a lot of information available about all manner of psychological problems so it's very easy to find out about narcissism in general and the traits associated with this personality disorder.

We believe our ES's wife to be a narc based on what we've read, what we've been told about her past, from our own personal experiences and what little we know of how she is and behaves in the present.

I can understand why some may think 'how convenient, you can absolve yourself from any responsibility and blame your d.i.l.'; these things are said.

Whilst it is true that only a trained professional can give a definitive diagnosis that should not totally detract from personal experience.

VioletSky

CafeAuLait

VioletSky, I wasn't the one that challenged the use of the term.

I agree we should just get on with supporting OP. Her experience of her mother is what matters. A lot of us have been there and understand how difficult it is, especially at the beginning of the journey.

I know you weren't and it was really meant to be general but I know you would understand too, if that makes sense

Yes, not a problem.

OP, I apologise for getting drawn in the direction of a discussion that was off topic. I do understand this is a difficult time and have been there in different ways myself.

Nicely said Smileless.

Very well written Smileless

If we could all drag our abusers down to the nearest therapist we might actually have been able to have everyone listen to us and been able to heal them and the relationship...
They simply won't go but there's a space where these people definitely exist and some of us have been forced to share it with them.

Do not go to a therapist with your abuser. I was forced to as a teen. I finally felt that maybe something good would come out of it. I sat down and was allowed to "go first". I talked about things from my point of view. In response, my mother started screaming like a banshee, flailing her arms because "OF COURSE" I would blame her for EVERYTHING: wrong between us. I would never take time to see it was me causing problems. I finally shut down during the session, she was happy that I saw it "her way" and we went home never to go back again.

Years later, after I estranged her , she said her therapist told her she is not being aggressive enough and to how try harder. Luckily she didnt, it would not have gone she envisioned it.

freedomfromthepast that's awful. You must have thought things were finally going to change until that.

I forgot how good they are at acting and lying because when I think about going to a counsellor or a therapist, I think about how that's an opportunity to show my flaws and my hurts and ask for help. Narcissists would want it to look like they are perfect and then be validated.