I don't know about anyone else but I can't say with any complete certainty that many of the decisions that I made regarding estrangement were me being the best I could be- But when the only other option was to "pretend" that everything was OK when it wasn't / isnt, estrangement or distance seemed like the healthiest of the two-
I'm open to vulnerable discussion but not open to "being told" or one way conversations- Certainly there are occasions when just listening is necessary to make headway, to bring anything to my attention, but not to further establish me as the familial f-up, worthless, scapegoat- It makes me want to grease the pedestals they've placed themselves on- If they ever slipped off it they may "see" me as their equal-
But it's so much easier to treat someone as less, to not grow close and risk exposure-
I can't change my violent, neglectful upbringing- I can change how I look at it, I can change me- Even if such changes make me appear even less of a person than previously and it creates further distancing- Because face it, who really, truly wants to be in company of someone who "sees" what's going on other than people who love you- Pretenders keep their distance-