newbie saying hello and looking for advice

Lorrie just wanted to say hello and welcome you What a truly horrible state of affairs I think you will get lots of good advice and also a lot of compassion on GN as there seem to be a lot of grans and granddads in your position and some I know have gone down the legal route but it’s a minefield because she does hold all the cards and grandparents have little or no rights
I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is for you and just wanted to send a hug as I passed by

I'm very sorry to hear of your sad situation. My thoughts would be that you should back off and do nothing. Give it time. She may well be in touch with you in her own time. I hope things improve.

If you've tried everything, then maybe try doing nothing.

I wouldn't recommend court, its going to wreck and already broken relationship with your daughter.

I hope things get better for you

Hello and welcome Lorrie sorry I don’t have an answer to your horrible dilemma. Try to build around what you do have. Hopefully your grandchildren when they’re a little older will reach out to you, even your daughter, she really must be grieving for what she’s lost. Don’t hate her, give her a break from trying to contact her keep love in your heart for the family you never see.surround yourself with loving friends good luck.

Very sorry to hear your situation.

You said her ex husband was a "bully" but he is now "lovely" and you and he are collaborating against your daughters wishes? This makes me very uncomfortable and I think your daughter must feel very betrayed which will have destabilised your relationship further.

Going to court will very likely stop any chance of a reconsiliation.

I think you need to rethink your approach completely.

I also read that Violetsky but then wondered if she was bullying the H and in-laws.
Very tricky situation, give it a few months OP and she if she gets in touch.
Let the GC make the approach if they want to.
They are the major losers in all this.

I understand how heartbreaking your situation is lorrie17 but as a grandparent you don't have any rights so not worth going to court. For your own sake I would not be in contact with your daughter's ex and take a step back for now.
Your daughter may be in touch on future if you give her space

VioletSky

Very sorry to hear your situation.

You said her ex husband was a "bully" but he is now "lovely" and you and he are collaborating against your daughters wishes? This makes me very uncomfortable and I think your daughter must feel very betrayed which will have destabilised your relationship further.

Going to court will very likely stop any chance of a reconsiliation.

I think you need to rethink your approach completely.

I had to read the OP several times before realising that it is the daughter who bullied her now ex husband and her in laws. So I understand why OP is in touch with her daughter's ex. I agree, better to keep a low profile, no going to law to see grandchildren. I do wish you well for the future OP. What a sad and worrying situation.

Lorrie, I am puzzled how your d bullying ex husband has now transformed into a loving and helpful ex sil. I think you need to step back from him acting as go between if you want to reconnect with your d. She will see it as disloyal, she left him for a reason.
If you have no email or address for her, that must be so painful, you really do have to step back and not contact ex sil. Sometimes people just need space and you are complicating things by the route you are taking. As for court, it just hurts gc, the arrangements are largely unworkable, gc cspend a day with you then go back to their mom, their rock and carer who will be unhappy about it. I do think it’s so wrong and selfish depriving gc of their extended family, particularly grandparents, but two wrongs don’t make a right, to do nothing is best.

Oh no!

That makes much more sense in context than the way I read it the first time.

Violetsky,

sorry for confusion, she bullied him, not the other way around,

to Clarify,

My Daughter bullied her ex husband, and her new partner was hostile to family contact, when she moved in with new partner, she would not give me new address, said presents for girls had to be sent to her office address, this was during pandemic and she was working from home, that is why I asked her ex husband if i could send presents to girls to his address as they live there for half the week.

Hope that is clearer lol, but I take your advice and will not go down the court route.

I agree with March.

Hello and welcome. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It must be heartbreaking and I cannot even imagine how you must feel. I am not sure what you can do legally. It sounds as if she needs some sort of counselling although that will be difficult for anyone to organise. I hope you can come to some sort of arrangement, perhaps through your Son in Law?

Hello and welcome. How heartbreaking for you . Do you have any other children that could maybe mediate?

Sorry I’m not much help but hope things improve for you soon .

I have a son, but she has estranged him too, sadly, and her father, I truly believe I did nothing to cause this and she must have a problem, the day before she met this man We had a good relationship even went on holiday with her to Florida, a week after meeting him it all started, she broke up with him for a bit, and again she got in touch, but when they were back together it started again. I did hope when they had split it would heal, but no joy

Lorrie, disregard what I wrote. Initially it looked as if you were saying her ex husband and in laws were bullying her. Very complicated scenario.

Lorrie you could try offering mediation or joint counselling, let daughter choose who but offer to pay (much cheaper than court route).

Keep relationship with her ex husband positive... There is nothing wrong with being polite to the ex. Don't let it become collaborative though, the worst thing you could do is become a team against your daughter, the grandchildren will pick up on this.

Also be careful who you trust. He and his parents may seem perfect and lovely but that doesn't mean they are behind closed doors.

I really hope this works out for you, your daughter seems in need of help from your discription and I hope she gets it.

Lorrie you could try offering mediation or joint counselling, let daughter choose who but offer to pay (much cheaper than court route). Keep relationship with her ex husband positive... There is nothing wrong with being polite to the ex. Don't let it become collaborative though, the worst thing you could do is become a team against your daughter, the grandchildren will pick up on this. Also be careful who you trust. He and his parents may seem perfect and lovely but that doesn't mean they are behind closed doors.

I really hope this works out for you, your daughter seems in need of help from your description and I hope she gets it.

I agree with the above - good advice. I am sorry that you are going through this Lorrie

I am afraid mediation is still a legal maneuver - not such a good idea

I am afraid mediation is still a legal maneuver - not such a good idea

Offering it for the other party to choose or not is just offering. It is then up to the other party to say yes or no.

Madgran

What if the other party has clearly said no already?
Why offer another option to change their minds?

What if the other party has clearly said no already?

That would be different. But as far as I am aware it hasn't been offered unless I missed it. If I did, apologies.

As a general principle, I think it is entirely reasonable to offer it. The other party can choose to say Yes or No. If they say No ,then not much point offering again.

I personally think she knows very well how she behaves. And cuts family off so she cant be challenged. Poor kids, coping with this. She also realises she failed at two relationships and may well be feeling all sorts of regrets. It's easier to hide than face up to our inadequacies. Thank goodness you can talk to the ex husband. Maybe he can tell you how gk are and let you have photos until d comes to her senses. I feel for you, suffered this myself. Mine is back in my life, but brought back ap i do not want in my life