I have been estranged from my son for more than half his life now. He cut contact and that was that. He had a terrible time getting through his teens and I was both frightened for him and of him. My fear and lack of knowing what to do and how to parent him came out as anger and when his father and I separated he went to live with his dad.
I tried contacting him, apologising, listening to his complaints about me but nothing helped. I have gone through the range of emotions over his loss and now no longer know him. He was a teenager the last time I saw him and he is a man now. I see him on Facebook and I wouldn’t recognise him if we walked past each other on the street. That saddens me so much - on any meaningful level, I no longer know my child.
A few years on from the estrangement I sent a letter apologising and saying I would leave the door open for him should he change his mind but would not contact him as I had been. I heard nothing but for the last 10 years or so his dad gives me key updates from time to time and I send a Christmas card and a birthday card. In both I say I hope he is well and I love him. I don’t give information about me. I never receive any responses but I hang onto a glimmer of hope that the cards are reliable and feel safe for him to receive and that even if he can’t say it out loud that he, in some small way, appreciates the the contact.
I sometimes wonder if I should stop. I now do it for me as I have no feedback from him at all about the cards. I could ask his dad about it all but I think finding out something hurtful would put me back in a world of pain.
How do you acknowledge Easter.
Just how much taxpayers money have the Tories wasted