How to learn to love nuisance phone calls.

Brilliant !!

My method is simple. If they speak English I only speak French. If they are French I only speak English.

My daughter says she can't help she is only the burglar/tenant/ police.

A friend says that she is Inspector ......... and they have phoned a crime scene, the call has been traced and they are to remain where they are until an officer arrives to take a statement. She hardly gets any calls now!! (she said she got it from some American crime show!)

I just ask them for a password, that completely throws them and when they try to get back to their script I keep asking more and more insistently that they have to give me a password - they usually give up!

Good for you Pompa...I suggested a similar strategy....though not quite so beautifully put.....on a thread a little while ago...only to get my head bitten off by someone who felt we should give such callers a break as they are only trying to earn a living!

I have a good answer when they ask to speak to Mr .... I either say "He's dead," or "He died over two years ago."
That's quite personal information, and it stops them talking any more.

I frequently get phone calls from people thinking that they have rung the local pizza place, including ringing at 1am. I say this is ** police station, how may I help you? That gets rid of them so quickly. I feel that I have to be careful in case my local cop station decide to order pizzas!

If I get a call during the day, and they want to verify my name, I say "Que", "que" until they go which is usually within seconds.

I was having a quite brew with a friend after a substantial lunch, when my mobile rang. The caller said 'Good evening, may I speak to Mrs Anno...' I said, 'It's afternoon, not evening and Mrs Anno isn't here.'

Them: Hello, May I speak to Mrs. ......

Me: (grunt)

Them: How are you today Mrs .....

Me: I was fine, until I received this unwanted phone call, Goodbye......

How about a competition to see who can keep someone talking the longest? Got to be honest, though.

Hildaw.

My method gives them every chance to prove their sales skills and sell the product/service, I never hang up first. Sometimes it gives them a laugh, pretended to be a very senile old git with more problems than the NHS had ever heard of on one person
The caller was peeing himself, couldn't believe such nutters really existed, he gave up when the will to live left him.

I'm sure I will meet my match one day, that will really be fun.

I do the same as Mamie, and go into Dutch sometimes too, and they never prounounce my name properly so I make them say it a few times and do not let them carry on until they have said it right, they usually hang up.

I tell them I am only the housekeeper and M'Lady is away! It works every time.

I have a variety, depending on my mood.

First is the same as philly

Monosylabic answers annoys them.

Sorry I'd love to talk to you but I'm really busy at the moment please give me your home phone number and I'll call you back.

Which Mr N? No sorry he's not here

Why would I want to talk to an unethical company? Yes, of course you are as I am signed up to the TPS so you shouldn't be calling me.

Pathetic old lady

Sorry I don't understand you, is English not your first language? (DH got upset when he heard me say that until I told him it was an American!)

When they call from India and say their name is John or whatever I ask where they come from in the UK and then ask lots of questions about that area as if I know it intimately.

Oh dear, I rather sound like I don't have a life! These are just things I've done over the years not every week!

Yesterday I had a computer scam call. I said 'Yes, I knew about the problem I was an IT manager'. They put the phone down on me.

We've had a couple of calls suggesting we've had a car accident and might have a claim....I answer gushingly in my best RP voice (if its not showing a withheld international marker) 'Oh...have I... do tell...where and when...?'. Soon takes the wind out of their sails.

My son in law is a wizz with computers, and recently had great fun with on of those calls that tells you you have a problem with yours. He sounded really concerned, got the man on the other end of the phone telling him all sorts of things, then started ASKING the questions, and evidently the chap on the other end swore at him and put the phone down, NICE!

After a series of really annoying calls, all from the same (holding?) company call centre but using different individual company names, I was rather gobsmacked to hear myself saying to the chap on the other end, "Eff off"... Took me by surprise as much as it did him - but it worked, never heard from them again!

Not very PC, GNs, but it works...

Freda, I too lost my temper and told a caller who asked about my 'recent accident' to p... off. I just don't like bad language so quite surprised myself. We have a phone that doesn't accept certain calls but we are unable to reject withheld numbers as both our local surgery and a relative phone us from withheld numbers. We don't accept calls from abroad but have to take this off when any of the children go on holiday and that's when we get people telling us that there is a problem with our computer.

We used to keep a whoopee cushion near the phone and at moments of need would squeeze out an enormous, squishy raspberry which seemed to do the trick. Wish we still had it!

Now, I love the whoopee cushion, must work that into my patter (or would that be splatter!)

I either say I am the cleaning lady ,which i am or I ask which computer and say there is one in each room . I know they have to earn a living etc but I have a life to lead and less time left than they have