Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Grandparents wanted

(33 Posts)
Guppie Thu 21-Jul-11 19:25:42

Hello all,

First sorry for the intrusion - I am a Mum not a Gran. But I'd appreciate your advice. We are a family in the Midlands with an infant-school age child.

We have no family nearer than 70 miles away, and the three grandparents all have physical/mental health/social issues that stop them being involved in our little one's life.

I feel she's missing out on so much - and so are we - by not having grandparents about. Everything from practical help to advice to just that special relationship. I hope we could provide family for someone older without people around too, it to be a 2 way thing.

So I am wondering whether we could "adopt" local "grandparents". But I don't know how or who. There would be all the potentially awkward bits of personality clashes or mismatched expectations.

I'd appreciate advice from those who've been around longer than us and might have some wisdom on this. Thank you.

Guppie Thu 21-Jul-11 19:34:15

Oops sorry, I've edited that wrongly. It should read

^I feel she's missing out on so much - and so are we - by not having grandparents about. Everything from practical help to advice to just that special relationship.

So I am wondering whether we could "adopt" local "grandparents". But I don't know how or who. There would be all the potentially awkward bits of personality clashes or mismatched expectations.
I hope we could provide family for someone older without people around too, it to be a 2 way thing.^

Also I was going to add, doing this without making her biological grandparents feel bad. But to be honest they are so little involved in our lives that I don't think they'd notice.

Janice Thu 21-Jul-11 21:09:11

Where are you? If we knew your nearest twon/city maybe someone could assist?

Stansgran Thu 21-Jul-11 22:56:54

When we moved away from our original home and left 2 grandmothers both widows I found distance to travel and the costs involved made the children more or less grandparentless. An elderly couple were friendly and helpful as we settled in and enjoyed the childrens company also neighbours who had cared for elderly parents and married late with no children took an interest in them and a lady who lived on her own nearby kept inviting them to play the piano. We were very lucky-but I think there are plenty of people like that still around-be friendly and you will find that people will want to get involved . My mother away fom her grandchildren befriended a neighbour's little girl-go for walks and stop and talk you will soon find the people who want to be surrogate grandparents-they may not know it yet!

janreb Fri 22-Jul-11 12:10:04

When we first moved from the midlands our new next door neighbours became surrogate grandparents to our children - they still my mother as she lived with us but had never had much to do with my husband's parents. We all became very close to this couple - he even walked my middle daughter down the aisle as my husband couldn't manage and hubby waited at the end for her and just gave her away. They had grandchildren, and great grandchildren of their own but treated ours exactly the same. We lost dear Nip earlier this year, very suddenly, and he is missed by everyone. If I ever had the opportunity to do what they did I wouldn't hesitate.

bikergran Fri 22-Jul-11 22:06:48

ohh what a lovely thought...im sure there are obsticles to over come...but how lovely that would be to "adopt" a grandparent/s ..hoep you find a way round it.. good luck smile

grannyactivist Sat 23-Jul-11 00:40:59

I am a surrogate Granny to several children. Today I was very proud to attend the Graduation ceremony of one of my young friends in the company of her husband and three daughters. She introduced me as her surrogate mother and I cannot describe how privileged I felt. I do wish you success with your quest Guppie.

Guppie Sun 24-Jul-11 18:44:26

Thanks everyone, at least we know people like you are out there ;)

We live in quite a young neighbourhood, no no obvious neighbour candidates. I do wonder about someone from church as there are a lot of older people there but again no-one obvious so far. Maybe we need to move to a more established area!

Sbagran Mon 25-Jul-11 07:39:04

Hi Guppie
Have just come in on this forum and think you must be a really yummy mummy to care so much about what your child is missing. I think the church idea is great, as if yours is anything like ours the average age of the regular churchgoer is quite high! There should be a safeguarding officer in every parish - why not have a word with him/her as they may be able to suggest someone. It would be better to ask them if they could suggest someone rather than you select someone and then ask them to comment on your choice just in case.
I wish you all the very best and hope you succeed.

helshea Mon 25-Jul-11 07:48:31

I'm not sure moving to a more established area would be helpful guppie, no reason to believe you would be any better if you did. The church idea seems a good one, but I worry about you trusting someone who is relatively going to be a stranger sad

helshea Mon 25-Jul-11 07:57:54

I may be completely wrong here.. but I am wondering if the clue is in your name and that this could be the cause of distant grandparents.. If so I hope not because it would be very sad for them to not see their grandchild because of silly beliefs. Just wondering because a member of my family is a "guppie" with a child, and proud to be so.

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 10:44:58

She's not a fish.

Is she? shock

Baggy Mon 25-Jul-11 10:47:48

What's a guppie?

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 10:48:38

OMG! I just watched a video on You tube. Amazing.

After I googled guppie.

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 10:50:26

Its a fish Baggy.

???!!! (*helshea*)

Baggy Mon 25-Jul-11 11:12:23

Thanks, madjangl, but I was puzzled about helshea's post as well.

There's a guppie in my family, Maryann
There's a guppie in my family, Maryann
There's a guppie in my family
So I'm confused like jangly
There's a guppie in my family, Maryann

Baggy Mon 25-Jul-11 11:51:35

PS Sing that to the tune of

"You cannae shove your granny off the bus"

Or

"There's a moosie in your hoosie, Maryann"

smile

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 11:52:34

You should put that in the quiet corner. Supernana likes poetry.

grannyactivist Mon 25-Jul-11 12:18:19

guppiedefinitions (from Urban Dictionary)

1. A gay yuppie
2. One who is weak and should get devoured by sharks.
3. Like their 1980s predecessors, Guppies want the best of everything - if it's green, that is. Guppies will buy anything to enhance their status as eco-friendly guardians of the environment, even if it means throwing away perfectly funcitonal "traditional" items in order to boast that their car, their house, their pets or children are "green."
4. Guppies are go-getters with successful careers and expensive, smart casual wardrobes to match.
5. Gay fish, usually male, but could switch genders.

I love this site; it's doing wonders for my vocabulary. grin

WWOTN Mon 25-Jul-11 13:43:03

Great to read so many grans out there are not senile, short of teeth and so open to the use of language! Love it!

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 14:37:03

We are working on the teeth. We *do^ need more gaps.

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 14:37:38

sigh!

do

jangly Mon 25-Jul-11 14:38:19

or do

can't have both can we?!

helshea Mon 25-Jul-11 19:52:00

Sorry to confuse everyone.. I was going down the lines of "gay yuppie".

helshea Mon 25-Jul-11 19:55:48

Any way sorry for any confusion caused while I have been at work... I hope Guppie has found the grandparents she wishes for her baby. I am sure there are organizations out there that can put surrogate grandparents and parents in touch with each other... All children can benefit from having loving "grandparents" good luck guppie