Amanda Gummer webchat on child development, Wednesday 14 November 1-2pm

I worry very much about the amount of time my grandchildren are 'entertained' by the TV. It is almost used as a 'babysitter' and no matter how much I tut and try to persuade their parents to reduce the watching time, it doesn't seem to work. They know it's used too much but just don't seem to be able to wean the little ones off it - all too convenient. How dangerous is it? Has there been any recent research into the effects of too much telly on small children and if so, what is the result?

What age do you think children have to be to feel real empathy with other people's feelings?

And how come very young children, and I mean from the age of about three, seem to know exactly how to be hurtful to their loving grandparents/aunties? eg by deliberately witholding kisses and hugs from anyone except flipping mummy!

How come they seem to be so knowing?!

my grandson is nearly 7, he can speak properly but wont when my daughter is around. I correct his speech, she doesnt as she says he will speak correctly when he is ready too. I let this go till he was 5 but dont feel allowing the baby language is doing him any favours. Is it true that they should not be corrected?

Why do we talk so much of 'entertaining' children? Wouldn't occupying them do? They might not find all the occupations we give them entertaining. So what? Much of life isn't. I don't think it does children any good to be brought up feeling someone has to make an effort to entertain them all the time. Occasionally, yes.

How much pocket money do you think a 7 yearold and a 10 year-old should get? I saw something in the paper and it had such a huge range. There isn't much spare cash so I can't see DD going to the upper end of the scale - even though I am not sure she would anyway.

I have DGC who live abroad but I prefer to send gifts rather than money for Christmas and birthdays as I want them to think I put the same effort into choosing something for them as I do for my other GC. Can you give me some ideas of things that won't cost more to post than to buy. Girl 8 and boys 6 and 3. Thank you

good for you! to speak out - there is today far too much entertaining done--but not by parents, its given over to tv, play groups , and videos! gone are the hard days when children had to work in poor households in order to get fed from the age of 5 yrs or so!
but now it is quite ridiculous, gone to other extreme;
i mention work--as this was a benefit to the child in later life--hopefully they had gained a trade, ready for the grown up world and earning a living! which is not considered today untill they reach teen years, and expected to know what they want to do !
lets be real, these jump up and down progs; are ok once in a while--but your child needs your input into his mind and future, most lack manners these days. good luck to you ! and when feeling worn out and down - have a breather, go out and have some fun!

hi my mother died when i was 18mths-- cant remember her-
but can remember from around 2yrs, though i think the ability to speak of feelings and such takes longer to learn!
many things happened in my life that gives me the ability to put a date or year of when it happened!
my father re-married - new mother had 4 older children, and i knew without being told that it would not be liked if i spoke of the mother i lost;
which was sad as i wanted to know her-needed too!
result was i stored up all info; i heard that was relative to her, but it was just bits and pieces here and there -not much connection.

but here in my late years i have done some ancestry/tracing, and things just fell into place, i still couldnt remember my mother--but with photos and these new connections it felt closer, i had left all those questions almost too late, for my father was 43 when i was born, cousins were all 20 yrs older than me, which was why i had no one to ask for the real info; they had all passed on. so what i am saying is --your child listens to what you say/sing/ and do--most of the time, but doesnt have the ability to question you.
i do hope this helps you and your family understand, but then again we all develope at different times, speach or fingers walking or potty ??
enjoy each day !

Forgive me, jcdoh, but every time I see your gransnet name, I see it as jcloth.

When I first started looking after my youngest grandson he was 9 months old. He was used to being played 'with' all the time. I has him three days a week and one night overnight. At first he was very demanding and he was used to having an endless selection of toys to play with.
So I made a conscious decision to 'ignore' him for about 30 minutes and give him a limited selection of age-appropriate toys. He was crawling and cruising by this age so was able to access the toys i had chosen.
I would pick up my newspaper and attempt the sudoku (I was of course watching him overtly). It took a couple of days before he learned to play by himself.
I of course still played 'with' him too. Now he is turned two. His concentration span is amazing. He will play long and complicated games with his toys for ever increasing lengths of time, and with his cousins who now join him one day a week.
We also bake, paint, sing songs, dance, eat, dress up, talk, watch the odd bit of TV, go shopping, garden, walk the dogs, visit places and generally because he's so portable and happy to join in with us we just get on with life and take him with us where we want to go.
Since he turned 2 we give him pocket money which he puts in his piggy bank at our house. He now has £10. Nearer Christmas we'll take it out and let him buy something of his own choice with it.
Also since he turned 2 we use the naughty step. He's been put there once only!
He's a lovely child, we love him dearly and he loves coming to our house and we love having him. We don't have to 'entertain' him we just enjoy him.

Amanda
Several Gransnet members are cut out of the lives of their grandchildren because of conflict between the parents.What do you think is the effect on the development of the children (over 1 million in UK.) who are denied contact with their grandparents.

Hi Amanda
I have a seven year old grandaughter who loves maths and science. I am thinking of buying her a Raspberry Pi for Christmas. What do you think about the potential of these in developing logical thinking and creativity?

Hi Amanda, my grandson who is three has started to stutter. It's always at the beginning of the sentence, and sometimes he'll repeat the word several times. So for example, 'ww..wwhere.. where is Mummy?'. Is this something he'll grow out of? My son said we shouldn't correct him as it'll make him self-concicious, thus worse. Do you think that's the best way to tackle it? To ignore it?

What do you think about the Slow Toys Movement? Do you think classic wooden toys allow children to be more imaginative with play? Or are the toys featured on the Dream Toys just as good?

Hello Amanda. My daughter is three and we've not allowed her to eat junk food (i.e. fast food, chocolate, crisps etc), which nursery also abide by. I realise as she's growing older, it's going to be harder for me to manage. She is fine with it - sometimes we allow her to have sponge cake, and she'd rather have fruit. But how do I get family/friends to follow the rules as years go on? Over the past three years, they still buy her easter eggs and wonder why she's without an advent calendar.

Amanda- I remember reading somewhere that constant entertainment is not good for children -allowing them to be bored can stimulate creativity
Please comment.

Hi Amanda,

I would appreciate your comments, as a psychologist, on the impact of long-term day-care or varied full day -are placements on a child's development.

There has been an increase in the identification of language delay, late toilet training and poorer development of some social interaction skills and attachment when children start at schools.

I appreciate that there are a great number of very well-run, well equipped caring nurseries but a recent report noted that even when inspection reports judged the pre-school / day-care provision to be good or outstanding this did not transfer to improved outcomes for children at the age of five. This begs a question as to the accuracy of the inspections &/or the schools assessment. Where would your money go?

Helo Amanda - I would like to ask about toys and gender - it always annoys me when I go into shops such as ELC that many of their 'standards' come in both pink and blue. Isn't this divisive? I tend to buy blue for my DGD to make a point - she is not remotely bothered about it (despite the fact she loves pink)

If I can add another question...my DGD loves dressing up as a superhero or a pirate as well as a princess or fairy (pleases me as I was a tomboy). No one seems to take any notice of this but if my great-nephew (4) wants to dress up as princess instead of a pirate people seem aghast. Why? And does this have any bearing on his future sexuality/ (I can't imagine it does)

I hope i am posting this in the right place? I look after my granddaughter who is in reception two afternoons a week. She only started school in September and still gets very tired. Part of me thinks she should be allowed to flop in front of the TV after school. Part of me thinks she should be doing something more creative or constructive. But which part is right?

My grandson attends nursery three full days a week. This is the third nursery he's been to (moving to a different town was the reason for the first change, then the second nursery was absolutely awful, now he's at a good nursery). With each nursery, we've noticed that his workbooks come home with poor spelling with the simplest words. Do you think this will have an impact on him? He's only two and obviously can't read and write yet, but he'll pick up on speech. Should I be concerned?