Wanted – Grandparents/Granny/ Grandma/Mum

Cindy1975, good luck with your search and do take care. I would suggest, as others have done, that you approach a church group or neighbours/ friends who belong to one, if you do not. Have you tried NCT groups, your GP and also Mumsnet, Bristol for advice?

Three decades ago, I went on a similar search as both sets of parents lived far away and we only saw them at holiday time. My search was not successful but I wish you better luck.

And of course, please take care.

It could be quite a genuine post but something does not feel `right` , especially the replies from magic , I could be quite wrong of course !

What you say is true but is a very different concept from advertising for grandparents on here.

I fully understand the enormous concerns and safety aspects for any parent and can assure people out there that my job determines an enhanced crb check..just recently completed (1 month old) working with and around children.
I have read the threads that mention you can't just have a grandparent walk into your life and take this role, especially for safety reasons of children, and I actually do agree.
I hesitate though as like many other parents, I have welcomed new friends into my life, surely the same could be said for these new friends , new neighbours and new group members. We don't vet and research every new friend, neighbour etc that comes into their lives..ask for crb checks etc No, we don't, well not all of us do , instead we get to know them. We use our intuition and we keep our wits about us. But we think nothing of becoming good friends with these new strangers and even later on, perhaps our children are asked to call these people aunty or uncle, a name that creates a family trust, not blood related.
A famous saying states we can pick our friends , not our relatimes. Our relations are born to us. We can fall out with a friend through misunderstanding or difference of opinions and all go our separate ways...but when it's immediate family ...it's frowned upon, it's disputed..with family you apologise and move on...but the same reasons that made you upset haven't gone , they're still there, just at the back of your mind..sometimes niggling away..
Don't get me wrong..I'm lucky I have great family and yes we've fallen out at times we all do but personally I can't really judge any single person for a choice or decision they have made in their family life, especially that I may know nothing about and especially without knowing them first.
I think more comforting are offer's of advice if needed..and if you don't know this person remember negative words do hurt.
Adopting a grandparent, daughter, son, mother, father, uncle or aunt is great and could be wonderful to all partie's. Take your time to know someone and ask if you are uncertain...most would be happy to oblige. Xx
Happy New Year Everybody....make it a year to remember.
I do hope many families can be enriched by such an amazing offer.

I fully understand the enormous concerns and safety aspects for any parent and can assure people out there that my job determines an enhanced crb check..just recently completed (1 month old) working with and around children.
I have read the threads that mention you can't just have a grandparent walk into your life and take this role, especially for safety reasons of children, and I actually do agree.
I hesitate though as like many other parents, I have welcomed new friends into my life, surely the same could be said for these new friends , new neighbours and new group members. We don't vet and research every new friend, neighbour etc that comes into their lives..ask for crb checks etc No, we don't, well not all of us do , instead we get to know them. We use our intuition and we keep our wits about us. But we think nothing of becoming good friends with these new strangers and even later on, perhaps our children are asked to call these people aunty or uncle, a name that creates a family trust, not blood related.
A famous saying states we can pick our friends , not our relatimes. Our relations are born to us. We can fall out with a friend through misunderstanding or difference of opinions and all go our separate ways...but when it's immediate family ...it's frowned upon, it's disputed..with family you apologise and move on...but the same reasons that made you upset haven't gone , they're still there, just at the back of your mind..sometimes niggling away..
Don't get me wrong..I'm lucky I have great family and yes we've fallen out at times we all do but personally I can't really judge any single person for a choice or decision they have made in their family life, especially that I may know nothing about and especially without knowing them first.
I think more comforting are offer's of advice if needed..and if you don't know this person remember negative words do hurt.
Adopting a grandparent, daughter, son, mother, father, uncle or aunt is great and could be wonderful to all partie's. Take your time to know someone and ask if you are uncertain...most would be happy to oblige. Xx
Happy New Year Everybody....make it a year to remember.
I do hope many families can be enriched by such an amazing offer.

Dear Azie09
I do feel for you and your children when their friends must be relating to... visits..days out and gifts from GP
I was very lucky myself as a child having the yearly summer breaks at my grandparents house...Christmas visits and swapping of gifts and the treasured 4 generation photo.
I feel with my son still at Uni and him very career orientated..my opportunity of grandchildren may not be forthcoming..I wouldn't want to rush him anyway...you never know I might be lucky and he could meet a lovely lady with children and with open arms I could embrace his newly formed family xx I live in hope xx if I could meet the same on here ...well I would be the luckiest person alive..I could have 2 families to spoil and spend time with..xx

Thank you nannymagic for highlighting this post. No one seems to have imagined that the OP might have deceased parents on both sides. That's what happened to us. My parents both died while I was a child /young adult and DHs when our children were tiny. Gosh those were difficult days. I had a few good friends but I do feel that my children's lives have been diminished by a lack of grandparents. I admire the OP, I'd never have had the nerve to make such a request, good luck to her.

I've been a lurker on these boards for a while and yesterday I posted something and now today too. I'd better go and introduce myself somewhere. I do enjoy browsing the threads when I've got a moment.

It is lovely to read many other articles in GN and I can confirm that there are some that interest me and i read thoroughly..others that i feel are not something that would spark my consideration I skip over...bit like turning a page of the newspaper or changing channels on the TV. ..this is particularly personal to me and therefor as I realise some newcomers may find this old thread and believe it is too old to reply also change of circumstances require updating...I was hoping that some may want to leave positive responses and perhaps a great loss of both parties may be the positive response I seek. If this offends I apologise . I have so much kindness to give to those that are missing that.

Charley I assume the posters are new to GN and won't know about any other threads.

How many threads do we need on this subject? This is the 3rd.

CINDY1975...please drop me a line perhaps we can chat xx

Hello Cindy1975 and welcome.

I don't live near enough to help, but I second the advice to get involved with a local church group. I have become a surrogate mum to women in this way and to others who have lived or studied with me.

One of my daughters lives on the other side of the world and I'm delighted that a very close neighbour of hers has 'stepped into my shoes' and has become a second mum to my daughter and a grandma to my granddaughter. It takes nothing away from me and it gives me a great deal of pleasure to know that there is a substitute mum/granny who looks out for my little family in NZ. I hope you find someone.

Is this a serious post?

I also volunteer for Homestart, but they will only take on families of with difficulties. Our Homestart has secured funding by helping families with potential mental health difficulties. I visit two families and enjoy the older person role in families with no useful grandma of their own.

Try contacting your local Home-Start I am a volunteer who is also a grandmother. I visit two families, one with 3 children, one with 2 autistic children and I have become close friends with the mums and a surrogate aunt/grandma to the children.

Why are you looking for someone fit and healthy ? Is this a designer granny ?

Cindy1975 your post disturbs me greatly for all the reasons stated above but also because of all the things you have said about yourself, perhaps unwittingly.
Obviously we don't know all the facts except what can be gleaned from your post so you may have to come back and add relevant information.
Most careful, thinking people would be very wary of even considering such a thing as you propose when there are already grandparents who are going to be excluded from their own grandchild's life and their natural role as grandparents because they are already excluded from your own lives. Not many people would be willing to walk into that scenario.
It is possible that one set of parents don't meet your standards but both sets, really?! When anyone is in a relationship whether it is a blood relationship or not there is so much put into it and rejection causes a great deal of anguish.
I think it would be a mistake to get anyone else involved in a dysfunctional situation as it would cause anguish and confusion all round, not least to the newest member of your family. You have not said if you have tried to rectify the situations in both families? How have you done this and have you been to counselling sessions as a family? This would affect how your post is perceived.
I am also concerned that you haven't even got a happy nickname for your expected baby because in most people's book your baby is not an appendage and certainly not an 'it', he or she is a little person in their own right.

I find these requests strangely unsettling. On the one hand, how sad it is that a couple should both say their parents are "not in their lives" - without prying, why?
And a mum/gran relationship is not something you get "off the peg" like Internet dating.
All the advice about being careful is absolutely vital, as is Scarlet1's suggestion about women's groups. Friendships need to be nurtured and to grow from both sides, it's not something you go into with a list of hoped- for results.
I also wonder about the prospects of a two way relationship? What are the young parents offering? Care for the surrogate gran when she grows old and possibly frail? Doing her shopping or taking her to doctor's or other appointments? Wonderful if this is how it develops.
I am sorry to be so sceptical, but if help and advice are needed with a new baby, Home Start or asking your Health Visitor is one way to go.
I would look at support and friendship from other mum's, NCT, ante-natal classes and groups, yes, young mums at church or pre-school.
You can't advertise for a surrogate gran any more than you would consider advertising for a child.

I live to far away, but as others have said be very careful, but I'm sure you will be.
Get involved with groups and that could fill in the gap you feel X

Hi I am sorry to hear yo feel this way it must be hard for you. I noted that your GP are still with you, my mum is a GGM and 82 she is not a well person but she is still involved with my Grandchildren.
I do not know if you hold any beliefs, but attached to most churches there are women's group with many mature and young women that dont require you to go to services. The Women's institute is also a great place to go.
Forging a good relationship with others that is strong enough to trust your children with takes time. As others have Stated, Please be Careful.

Check all the previous similar threads.

Please, please be careful.

Don't live nearby sorry. Be careful who you let into your life Cindy, won't you?