It's getting to the point now that I really don't want to visit my son and daughter in law because my 22 month old grandson screams and cries and clings to his mum whenever I arrive. I have never ever done any single thing to warrant this and it is really upsetting.
I have a loving and close relationship to my daughter's children who are now 12 and 17 and when my son and his wife had a little boy in 2016 I could not have been more thrilled. We were not allowed to visit for the first week as they wanted to get established into a routine before having visits and also it had been sort of agreed that my daughter in law's parents should be the first to visit as the little chap was their first grandchild and we already had 2 so we had to wait until they had got round to visiting. I was a tad put out but went with it to keep the peace. When we did see him he was adorable but parents were suffering and sleep deprived so we used to take him out for a walk for a couple of hours or so to give them chance for a catch up nap and we absolutely loved the time we spent with him out and about.
When he was a few months old he had a stinking cold and reflux and at one point stopped breathing. They called an ambulance but after being checked out in hospital he was given the all clear and sent home. My son called me, he was overwhelmed and daughter in law a mess too so at 10.30pm we just got in the car and drove the 90mins to their house and spent the next 2 days and nights with them till they all settled. They are first time parents in their mid 30's, both professional people and absolutely no experience of children whatsoever. We continued to visit 2 days and nights a week until they seemed to be more confident and then we started stepping back to one a week. Also I am self employed and while I can juggle my work to fit in any family demands I cant always do so and there are periods where I have to work maybe everyday for a few weeks and I also help out my daughter with childcare for her youngest one and we do try to have a life of our own and go on holidays and breaks.
When little one was about 7 or 8 months old my daughter in law became very possessive, having now found her 'mummy feet' big time and she became his whole world whereas before she was happy to let us take him for walks, feed him, change him, cuddle him. If I were to even try to go near him or pick him up he would cry and rather than let me rock and shush him she would immediately take him off me, take him away and cuddle him. This went on for weeks and weeks and I eventually got so exasperated but tried not to let it show for sake of harmony but my son could see I was upset one time however they both said sorry if I was upset but they did not want HIM to be upset or cry and maybe it was because we didn't come over often enough and her parents were there every week or so. Her parents by the way are older and both retired, my son is also self employed so knows that when you have to work, you have to work. It got so bad that I would only have to walk in through the door and he would burst into tears, scream and hold out arms for his mum and she of course would always rescue him.
He's now nearly 2 and while he does not cry and scream so much he still does cry upon seeing me and will not go anywhere near me. Ive tried being casual about it, Ive tried holding something out for him to take, I've tried playing with him, talking to him but to no avail. If he is walking across the room and say I walk in he straight away turns around and goes back or does a massive detour to avoid me.
I am really at my wits end, He is OK with my husband, he goes up to him and holds his hand and plays cars with him. I want nothing more than to pick him up and give him a big sqwishy nanna kiss and cuddle, sing to him, read a book with him on my lap, take him for walks round the garden looking for bugs and things. All the stuff I did with my other grandchildren.
I have no idea what to do. I suspect it has been 'imprinted' on him that I am something to be scared of and to be mummy rescued from because of how each time he cried he was taken off me but I cannot say that without causing offence. He does not go to any kind of preschool, nursery or toddler group. My son works from home but little one is with mummy pretty much 24/7. They never come over to our house as a family. Son has visited just twice with him since he was born. We are expected to make the journey over to theirs which is 90 mins each way if traffic is OK. If she stays at her parents for a few days (they live about 13 miles away from us) she will meet us in town for lunch or an hour or so between his naps on one day. To be honest it's getting expensive for us to keep visiting especially as he has set naps so by the time we get there and he has been woken from his nap at the set time, we would have maybe a couple of hours with him before we would have to travel back as hubby and I dislike travelling along the country lanes in the dark so we end up getting a hotel so we can have longer with him.
It's got to the point where we just don't want to go but feel we have to to keep the peace and not be bad grandparents but how much longer can we keep doing this only for him to cry and rebuff my efforts. I am not a quitter and hate the idea of giving up on him but I'm absolutely at my wits end as to how to rectify the situation and get him to accept me. Sorry this is a long one but I am pretty desperate for any advice or help.
and then when she was just one SIL walked off with DD when she was crying for me and in tears saying 'no no, I can sort her, she doesn't need mommy' and I felt like tackling her to get DD back. I know they didn't mean things they way they sounded and were just trying to help but both situations really annoyed meI've got another 'keen'... Ouch!
Good Morning Wednesday 24 April 2024
