Oh I feel you! I desperately wanted my own children, became a SAHM and spent an exhausting, but rewarding 16 years having adventures, fun and teaching them. I loved it, even though one child had ADHD (not diagnosed until she was an adult...now I know why she was so very exhausting!). I put my everything into bringing them up. I’m not into doing it again. I’m done. I have absolutely zero interest in friends babies and other peoples kids. I have one step-granddaughter who of course I love (and am currently concerned about), but spending time with her is SO stressful. I don’t want to play infantile games, I don’t want to watch banal cartoons, I don’t want my house messed up, smeared with snotty fingers or damaged now that we’ve finally got nice furniture. I can’t deal with the constant “I’m bored”, “I’m hungry” “Buy me this” “I need to go poop” (in the middle of a nice meal). The whole time I am with her I am not able to do anything that I want to do. Can’t even sit down with a cup of coffee in peace, or go to the bathroom without her knocking on the door “What are you doing Nana? Are you going pee or poop?” The sassiness, the meltdowns and tantrums. I’m usually hitting the secret stash of chocolate or wine within the first hour. The request of ‘Can you pick up/have GD’ honestly makes my heart sink. And yet I do love her and care about her. I don’t know what it is...Because I’m step-grandma, she wasn’t allowed (by her Mom) to call me Grandma, so that alone made bonding difficult. We were used as free childcare and a source of financial help for the first few years with no thanks and usually she wasn’t picked upon time ‘Can you watch GD for a couple of hours’ often turned into 8-9 hours and not being even able to contact her Mom by 9, 10pm that night. That caused resentment and a feeling of being used. Not having similar interests...GD likes TV and video games, not at all interested in the crafts and nature walks and reading that my own kids loved. Her upbringing has been so different that I find it hard to connect with her. At the moment I am concerned that she is being neglected/at risk in certain ways and I am totally and 100% prepared to have custody of her if necessary...and yet scared to death / dreading it if it actually came down to that. My own grandparents were absolutely wonderful, I spent every weekend with them and we had so many adventures and so much fun. I really wish I could be like them and give this child the grandma she deserves, but I can’t. I don’t know if I burnt myself out with my own kids, or whether I’ll bond more with any blood-related GC that come along in the future (my theory that my kids will probably bring their kids up in a more similar way to what I did with them...fostering a love of reading, nature, art and adventures). But rest assured, you are not alone. It’s hard when you see all your grandma friends on Facebook posting about how much they adore their grandkids and it makes you feel abnormal and mean, so you try to hide your feelings. But you really are not alone.