Autistic grandson

A two-and-a-bit year old child who as been disturbed by the arrival of a sibling may show these behaviours without necessarily being autistic. It’s quite urgent that the family try to get a diagnosis if they believe he may have ASD, because then they will be able to insist that the nursery take special account of his needs - time out in a quiet room, soothing sensory activities etc.

My grandson who was diagnosed with ASD about 5 years ago wears noise cancelling headphones in school, because he is hypersensitive to noise. Might be worth a try?

Oh dear poor lad having a new baby in the family, going through CoviD restrictions, and starting (or trying) nursery
i m not surprised he’s having meltdowns and not managing
Far too much for a very young baby (himself) to deal with
He’s confused probably scared and at that age can’t verbalise his fears and living in a situation totally out of his control and maybe understanding

I second what geekesse has said. Obviously assessments have stalled, due to lockdown, but the wee one needs support sooner than later. It's not enough to just put it down to a new sibling. Poor mum and dad must be exhausted trying to cope with a new baby and worried about their son.

If the health visitor has been slow to respond, I would consider contacting their GP for advice in sourcing support.

The signs you describe pre-sister's arrival could point to autism. My grandson, now aged 11, showed some worrying signs when he was coming up to 2 years of age. He 'lost' the few words he had been saying and would sit for quite some time spinning the wheels of a toy car, rather than push it along the floor. I used to take him to a toddler group but he would get very agitated and push on the doors to try to get out. His Mum took him to the GP who arranged a hearing test. This is usually the first procedure carried out as hearing loss could account for poor or no speech. Once this came back as normal he had a bit of a wait to be seen by other early years professionals, in both his home and nursery settings. Their reports were discussed and in my grandson's case a diagnosis of autism was made. It took a few more months for a Statement to be drawn up. This is a legal and binding document on the provisions that must be put in place for that particular autistic child to achieve their educational potential. Ask parents of children with special needs and most, if not all, will say that their major problem is fighting for their child's needs. Getting a Statement may be your son and DIL's first battle. These days money is tighter than ever so some local authorities may try to avoid issuing a Statement. Having been in that position, my advice would be to fight all the way. Statements open doors. If your grandson is autistic he may be able to attend a mainstream school but a Statement would likely say he would need a 1-1 teaching assistant for an agreed number of hours a week. Very important for him to have that extra input. If he needs a special school, as my grandson does, then it may involve the local authority paying for transport to and from school. Whichever nursey or school your son & DIL choose for him in the future, they will have to give him a place. Statemented children are high on the entry criteria of most schools. I hope your son & DIL get help with setting the ball in motion because at 28 months they have time to get all their ducks in a row should their son be autistic. Apart from the practical things that can be done for your grandson, the most important of all is total and unconditional love. I have a fridge magnet which says 'When you have met one autistic child, you have met one autistic child'. So true. They may be on the autistic spectrum but they can be very different one to another. They are just wired up differently to neuro-typicals. Whatever the future holds for your grandson I wish you and your family the courage to fight for his rights when you have to and the happiness he will surely bring in the coming years.

The saying above is so true, when you have met one autistic child you have met one autistic child. There may be however some common “triggers” which cause him to melt down that mum and dad could try and identify and mitigate.
The national autistic society is a great resource and also had some great little videos on YouTube that can help.
My nephew’s “triggers” (I don’t really know how else to describe them hence the “”) are multiple, three main ones were unexpected loud noises, abrupt changes and uninvited contact. So the family mitigate these by making sure he can access his noise cancelling headphones. Rather than a rigid schedule which isn’t always possible we alert him to what’s coming next, e.g. we’re getting up now, next is shower time: we’ve had shower next is breakfast etc etc. And the biggy for us is no-one can touch him without his consent, which his maternal grandma never understood or respected so that was a nightmare!
As my nephew has got older (he’s a young teen now) his tolerance is so much better and he copes well most days, he’s an absolute ray of light and is so clever and affectionate - he just processes things a bit differently so the family now does things a bit differently too.
For supporting your son and DIL I’d advise just be there as a shoulder. As I mentioned earlier in my post my nephews maternal gran was a nightmare, she refused to accept his diagnosis or that autism is even a condition. It made it so hard for my bro and SIL at times, and my SIL said that having me reminding her she was (and is) a bloody great mum helped her on her bad days. She couldn’t get over the fact her mum thought that my nephew needed “fixed” and suggested myriad “solutions” instead of following the strategies that worked with him and loving him unconditionally like the rest of the family.

Excellent post Sarnia.Being the grandparent of a 13 year old with autism,I agree with everything you say. My DGS was diagnosed at 28 months and has received support ever since.He is now in a very large mainstream comprehensive with some TA support but he prefers to manage on his own if he can.

Thank you so much for all of your comments. I have a good relationship with my son and daughter in law and I have learnt from my own mother in law how not to respond!
Happy to support them every step of the way. Your positive messages have helped enormously.

His problem need not be autism, there are other conditions he could have that show similar symptoms at this very young age.

Hi Rosajoy1. Speaking from a professionals view. Its too soon to say what this is about. Your grandson is too young for a diagnosis which is done by health, his nursery will keep an eye on him and manage any settling in, the HV will be starting home visits soon or clinics will start and nurseries can seek support from a HV and Early Years advisor. A useful tip for parents is to keep a diary-nothing too detailed or obsessive, just when and where he has difficulties, what they notice about him and have a think about what they do already that works to meet his needs. There's lots of ways to help with the areas you mention. And hopefully they won't be needed, that it's just a new baby wobble! Xx

My son and daughter in law have now taken my grandson out of nursery for a while. He often puts chalk and crayons in his mouth and a couple of weeks ago there was a nasty choking incident. His parents were called in for a meeting and it was fairly obvious that the staff wanted them to take him out of nursery until he had been assessed and had extra funding. I was never convinced that this particular nursery was the right place for him and he seems much happier and less anxious now. My son and daughter in law are scheduling in lots of different activities for him. They have been told that it will be another three months before he can be assessed because of a backlog in referrals due to Lockdown. In the meantime they have decided to seek a private referral. My son doesn’t want him to be labelled at such a young age but there is no extra funding without the label! There must be support groups in their area but they are certainly hard to find.

Are you in the UK?

you just put your Grandsons postcode in the bar and it should come up with local groups (not all will be relevant

national autistic society

Do they have a health visitor? The HV should know of various groups/toy libraries etc

I know it's easy to say but try not to worry x

It's not a label it's a signpost to appropriate help and support.

Your local authority will also have a local offer page listing all that is available. That sounds like a terrible experience in the nursery. I know they may not want to try again just yet but there are some excellent early years providers out there who are very experienced with children with additional needs. I hope things improve.

If you all feel his nursey hasn't been the right place for him then taking him out of that setting is best. A private referral will be speedier in finally getting a diagnosis, not a label, for him. As I said in my post to you in February, having an assessment is vital in getting him everything he needs to receive the education and support he may need to receive an education. Nurseries can vary hugely in their early years provision. My DIL has run her Montessori nursery for over 20 years now and accepts special needs children but she is in the minority in this area. Thank you for the update. I wish you all the very best of luck. Your grandson has a supportive and loving family around him, which is so important.

Yes, I agree about it being a signpost rather than a label! I was an infant teacher in a previous life and have signed up for a speech, language and communication conference, good to polish my brain up again.
Unfortunately the health visitor has only seen my grandson by Zoom and didn’t think that there was a problem so it will be a relief to have some face to face contact. They are in London.
Thank you for all of your positive comments.

The earlier an ASD diagnosis is made, the better support the child can get and your son can rest assured that the professionals will not allow a diagnosis to be made if there is any suspicion that this is not the case. My DGS had a diagnosis at 3 1/2. He is now 5 1/2 and the support has been so helpful. They waited until he was a bit older before the Speech Therapy and Portage kicked in but it was impressive. He went from being completely non-verbal and unable to communicate effectively to being able to sign, speak enough to understand his needs and put an end to some of his frustration very quickly.
If your DGS's Nursery feels he needs an assessment, get them to put it in writing. It should carry great weight with the Health Visitor although the GP can make the referral if you get nowhere with her. Incidentally, a private diagnosis does not carry as much weight in some areas as you would think.
Visit the Autism UK site so you can see some of the early signs. We realised that some of the things we just thought of as cute were actually red flags.
My grandson was asked to leave a childminder setting because of his behaviours when he was 2. Looking back, we should have taken this very seriously but we didn't realise that his making lots of noise banging the radiator (thus waking her shift work husband), throwing everything about and shouting loudly were sensory seeking behaviours. It was only when he didn't talk we became really aware that something was definitely off. The relief when he was diagnosed was enormous in many respects as was the grief. Knowing what you are dealing with is so helpful and you wouldn't leave a child floundering with a physical ailment.

The thing that most autistic children seem to have in common is a need for routine. The combination of trying to cope with a new routine at nursey and a changed routine at home because of the baby will have been very difficult.

Life after assessment is easier because you know what you are dealing with and can begin to see how to make it work.